No longer finding anyone attractive?

Question

Hi, I currently am having real problems with myself. I'm 21 and have reached a point where I find it very hard to look at a girl and find her attractive.

I broke up from my first and only relationship 7 months ago and it hurt me and my ex greatly- we are however still really good friends and spend quite a lot of time together, (even though she is in a new relationship).

My libido has plummeted and my self esteem is also rock bottom. I crave intimacy and love but not really sex as i'm now quite scared of that- it was a prime factor in the breakup.

I'm lost and don't know what to do- learning to love myself is all good and well but I really can't see myself getting into another relationship or having sex anytime soon. I don't have many friends but I am a likeable person- I think people assume i'm popular. I'm a really nice guy, but traits such as being exciting, flirty, interesting and fun seem to elude me and it really gets me down a lot of the time.

Excuse the ramble x

Answer 1

I've had times like this where I don't find anyone attractive, just relax, then. Look at it as a time to just have fun w/you. Now's the time to focus on your career, friends, family, yourself, etc. Don't worry, you're only 21. There are things in life you will like at one point then not at another but it will circle itself around.

Answer 2

Relax there is no pre-requisite that says you must have a girlfriend all the time, should any one ask just say you are taking time out.

Pursue an evening class or part time study course that you think you may really enjoy, don't place any pressure on yourself thinking that you must achieve. Just do things for pleasures sake. Anything that you personally enjoy.
Some kind of sport perhaps.

If you think you have some psychological sex problem ask your GP if you can see a male counselor to talk things through or go and see one privately.

Good luck - and keep smiling - remember to focus on the pleasures of life, which don't have to include sex.

Answer 3

I think you should find a therapist. You may need some help getting over the relationship you just got out of. Generally you would need to give yourself half the time you were in the relationship to start feeling normal again. For example if you two were together 3 years you would need 1 1/2 years to start feeling OK again. The way you feel is completely normal. I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 4

I am here in a same boat with you my friend. And i can tell you short and easy that the only cause for this problem is the fact that you still keep in touch with your ex, she is still around and you still in a way hope she was with you. I am feeling same way right now. I am going through break up with my man who i was talking to for year and a half. I cant see no other man replace him, i cant see no other man compare to him or at least be attractive enough for me to come up to him and talk to him and try to forget about my ex. In your case you keep in touch with her so it hurts you more in a long run. In my case i am kind of broken up with him kind of not. We didnt come up to it officially but we spoke on it like its about to happen and it totaly devastates me. So i say from personal experience the fact that he is around i will keep faithfully hoping, keep blowing off any candidate going my way, and keep staying miserable even though i may hide it well from others and my own self. Try to overcome these things and give it a little break. get with your guy friends and go out and have some fun. And try not to think of ur ex, and not keep in touch with her as much. Its the only way out. So it her or another woman as a possible candidate in a future.

Answer 5

You think you're bad off now, ha, wait another 10 years..

Answer 6

Try Jesus Christ in your life He can help you out.Also speak to someone.I bet you if you see me you will be attracted to me.I am all that........