I don't know what to do anymore..........?

Question

i keep having thought of leaving my husband, he likes to go out and come home when ever he wants he says he is a grown man we have kids and i dont want them seeing this behavior and think it is okay to ask when he will be home. We recently got back together in dec. I am starting to find myself going into chat rooms online cause I am lonely. I am upset cause we both are saying that what ever we do for eachother isnt ever good enough, he is out of work and collects unemployment but cant strech a dollar to save him! he is starting to get on my nerves more and more..... sleeping alot during the day and staying up or out at night . what to do?

I do love him I just feel like a broken record!

Oh and one morning he came home with his cousin around 4 ish his cousin was sleep on the sofa and I heard the bathroom door open in my sleep........ he had our laptop in the bathroom with him! I was affended cause I know that he was jerking off to a porn I asked him why didnt he wake me?........ he said that it was rude, I was pissed! WTF!! I at least wanted the option of saying yes or no to sex........

Answer 1

Why are you putting yourself through all that? I was married once before this marriage and my husband acted the same way. I left him and found someone I could connect with and now I have been married to my hubby almost 6 years and we are both very happy. Don't let yourself slip into a life of unhappiness or your kids. Everything you do they repaet when they are older.

Answer 2

I think the fact that he is unemployed is the huge problem to solve first. He can get away with a lot because he doesn't have to show up for a job, be a good employee, get a good night's sleep and make a good impression to other people. It's easy for your life to go crazy when you have plenty of time on your hands and no future. You both sound so lonely while being together - you admit you are lonely but the fact that he chooses porn over you shows he is lonely too. You say that you love him and he's acting pretty unloveable. Tell him that he has to get a job and get his act together. His self-esteem is so low, he'll probably get mad at you but employment will get him out in the world and make him think about what he's doing with his life. Support him with the job search and give him encouragement; once he feels like his life is on track, maybe you two can work on being less lonely together.

Answer 3

obviously he is not comfortable with asking you for sex probably because of all the issues & fighting. He is away too much & how are you making it with all the bills. Has he ever been into drugs or a heavy drinker. He lost his chance to live a single mans live the second you got prego...he needs to get over it real quick! It is your job to make it clear to him just what you expect.

If you are afraid of him physically then you need to be real careful, if he is using he may have developed a new temper he has no idea how to control! As far as internet porn...is it sometimes or all the time? If you aren't affraid of it, join in or do the same thing! Let him catch you pleasing your self & see if it sparks a whole new romance.... that is if you are an adventurous person. I do not want to offend you, so please keep an open mind.

It is so hard when kids are involved but that also makes it a lot easier...You know what they need & require so you are responsible for that! It sucks that 90% of the time a mother has to make it on her own with her kids but that is what we promised when we got prego!

If you 2 can make 1 night for him with his friends & you get 1 night to yourself, that might make it better for you. But, honey if he isn't working he sure the heck needs to be out hunting for a freat job with benefits, overtime, 401k +more from 8A-2p daily.

Don't settle, you deserve more. Just keep you & the kids safe. If he wants his family he will step up. If he is strung out, send hime to rehab!

Just work with specific details & time lines; "you have 2 weeks to get a full-time job that has health for at least 1 kid & your self" or "I expect the house be cleaned daily by 10am while you are off & 2 loads of laundry daily folded & put away" don't get weak!!!!! Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

The chat rooms won't help, believe me. People in chat rooms get you all fired up and angrier than you would even normally be. But it sounds like you have good reason to be upset, it sounds like hubby is treating you as if you were an inconvenience in his life, not equal partners. Boy, that you just got back together recently means there is a long past history of things not working well. Is this pattern ever going to change? Probably not - unless you guys will go to some counseling or something to help change this pattern. Take care.

Answer 5

I think that if you are already on the chat lines and are feeling lonely then you already feel like the relationship can no longer be fixed have you tried talking to him? And maybe he already feels that you wont do anything that you would continue to live like that with him and he will continue to take advantage of you I think you should kick him to the curb already, and try to enjoy the single life for a while and after that see how you feel about him, apparantly it seems as though he is not really a man who cares because a man who cared would have a steady job and would want to have money for his woman, and also would want to spend some quality time with you, I think you should get out of this relationship before you actually find out that he is cheating or doing something wrong, I think that would be more hurtful.

Answer 6

Being unemployed is intensely difficult for man when he has a wife and children. But, it sounds like he's doing all the wrong things to 'kill his pain.' Since you just got back together in Dec (3 months ago), you both must have had some hope of a good life together with your children. Its going to take a lot longer than three months. Can you do this for about 6 or 7 years ... until he grows up? It may take that long ... or maybe longer?

Answer 7

Oh my GOSH.. get out of this relationship like fast in a hurry.. all the tension is not good for your kids either. Don't think they can't feel the aura in the air and see whats up between their parents. It seems as he is very selfish and perhaps would benefit from the single life and seeing his kids when the "court" deemed necessary. God will give you the strength and the courage you need to make it. I know it is going to be hard, but nothing that's worth anything in life is easy!! Please take this advice. I can't stand hearing some of my co-workers complain about their boyfriends or baby daddy's or even husbands.. I think women give men to much room for Satan to slip in and tempt them and ruin the marriage. Believe me I have seen wonderful marriages fall apart at the seams because the women kept giving chances after chance. If he wont, go to counseling, like Monday, I would file for divorce ASAP!! Also start reading the Bible, get Womens Divotional Bible, it has lots of advice in the back there are sections you can go to and it has the answers for every part of your life that are hard. The New International Version by Zondervan

Answer 8

I understand your pain i went the through the same thing with my ex yes with my ex. I noticed that i was giving and he was just receiving and i had two kids at that time and was pregnant with my last child. I stayed until she was around 1.5 and then i got tired and just left with my kids. If your in a relationship alone there is no real point of being there. He sounds just like my ex. very immature. I kept going back before and this time i have been alone for a about a year and a half and loving every minute it is very peaceful and i get to learn myself all over again. I love it was the best thing i did by leaving him he was like raising another child i did not birth. Girl get out while you still have time.

Answer 9

He needs to grow up. He has a wife and family now, he needs to get his priorities straight. He needs to start sleeping proper hours and looking for a job every day during the same hours he would keep if he was working. Family comes first. He needs to support them and be there for them emotionally and physically.

As for your relationship issues, you need counselling. Your relationship is on a downward spiral and if you want to save it, go to couple's counselling. Since money is an issue, churches and some community centres offer this as a free service, check out your local area.

Answer 10

Time to go. You are obviously miserable and he's not helping one bit. Doing porn in the bathroom? Oh no. Pack yourself and the kids up and get out.......or better yet, put all his stuff on the porch next time he goes out. Have the locks changed and post a sign on the door: GOODBYE.