I found out my husband was chatting on one of those sex sites, how do i get over this?

Question

When I told my husband what I had found out, he stated he didnt think it was wrong and that he would never cheat on me because he knew what he would lose. I am having a hard time getting past this and he has been crying and begging me not to leave him. He said he will never do it again and he has been really depressed. But how do I know that he is sincere and am I taking this too far?

Answer 1

its hard to hear that ur husband or even boyfriend is looking outside of ur relationship for something else whether he acts on it or not, i totally understand where ur coming from and would probably feel the same way as u do..my advice to you is not to let go yet, trust takes a long time to put bak together when broken, and u should explain that to him, but give him another chance, tell him u cant handle him going on those websites and hopefully hell respect it enough that he wont...sit down and talk to him, maybe hes upset about something n thats what drew him to those sites, im not saying its right but human beings make mistakes, dont leave ur husbamd over this honey, its not worth it, i understand ur position and how heart breaking it is but dont give up

maybe consider a few sessions at a marriage counselor, it may make u feel better

good luck and stay strong and positive

Answer 2

There is no cure for the damaged heart, in the way your husband has deceived you. No matter how hard you try, it will always come back to make you feel rotten.

Therefore, you need to tell your husband, that what he did has taken up space and time in your thoughts.

You are not taking this to far. See how us women are, we always end up blaming ourselves, even when we are not the ones that did the damage.
He became sincere, sorry and depressed because he did something to hurt your relationship. Was he feeling depressed or sorry during the days he was chatting on a sex site.....I think not!!!
Your time frame for getting over this is whenever your ready, not when he has had enough of being told that he was in the wrong.
And by the way, chatting in sex sites, is considered cheating by some people. That is a form of cheating.
When some men say it is not cheating and they would never cheat on you, why is it that you end up with the same symptoms of rejection and emotional hurt and questioning all the reason's they would turn their backs on you to fullfill their needs, as if they actually did have the physical contact with a stranger.

That is the problem with the internet chat rooms. And the interaction between some people. They think they are not doing anything wrong. They are sharing intimate things about what they like sexually with someone, instead of the person, they married. So, it is cheating. They are giving a part of themselves to someone else.

So, try not to question yourself about being in the wrong because you feel you are taking this to far. You don't need to do that. If you try to push away from you the pain, before you are ready, it will just come back to haunt you more then you want.
Take whatever time you need.

Answer 3

I have sat and read most of these answers so far and let me tell you, it IS cheating. Not only does it feel like it's cheating, but it is. Some people choose to think it's not, but they aren't the victims and they haven't a clue of how it feels. I, too, have been there and it hurts beyond anything. I suggest you go to counseling because I will tell you this, it won't stop. He will tell you it will (crying means nothing but that he got caught) but it won't. The bad thing (and why I believe it's cheating) is this leads so many more things - it did with mine as it has with many others I know about. Another thing is to get on the same page with your husband - communication is HUGE... try some fun and new kinky things and that might pacify him having to go else where. This is not fake, it's very real. Good luck, I'm truly sorry as I know your pain and know where this can lead to. I think if you address this in the right way, it can all go away and you can have a beautiful relationship with your husband.

Answer 4

Maybe he's not cheating and just browsing. Browsing would be ok, but chatting would cross the line for me because it could lead to meetings and other actions. He seems sincere, but what you need to do is be allowed access if he is going to keep any of these sites open. It's really your call. Do what you think is best. If he's willing to give it up then he needs to close the accounts and be upfront with you. This is also an opportunity to see about spicing things up in your marriage when this settles down. He may have been missing some of that and seeking a feel for it elsewhere.

Answer 5

Crying doesn't mean he's sorry. It just means he got caught.
I don't know you, or your husband. But that was a silly thing HE THOUGHT! wouldn't it have bothered him if you were CHATTING on a sex site?

He may never do it again and you will never know if you don't give him another chance. I believe everyone once and a while deserves a second chance. But are YOU going to be able to live with this in your marriage? You will have to learn to trust him. You both need to be honest with each other and be able to talk to each other. Basically you don't know if he's being sincere. And if your heart can tolerate it, I say try and give him a second chance. People aren't perfect we all make mistakes. If you need to, get counseling. But it's better to at least try. After all it WAS only chatting...RIGHT?

Answer 6

get over what? some girls on the internet belittling their self respect? you should talk to your husband. no getting mad or upset, he needs to feel like your not bothered by the truth just bothered by not understanding. you are man and wife everything and anything should never be hard to talk about. your feelings are what count, you know how to handle this. take up hobbies or more activities threwout your days with your spouse. two people have been joined into one right? try to give space of manhood but don't forget that you two love one another so much you promised your lifes. all problems are solvable just sometimes its more then to just go threw 1 stage to get there. if he wants to veiw sites, most people would find a way around a hump they dont want there. find out why and then find out if you and or the two of you will and can get this behind you. Plenty of good days are ahead of all of us why dwell problems. we are just visitors here on earth, why spoils with slips will we can laugh while we clean the spills .

Answer 7

Nothing personal, but who cares?
It's not real! Just a figment of an imagination.
Probably even a guy in drag.
How does this in anyway affect your relationship?
He wants you pure, yet has a "dirty" side. So what.
That's human nature. Leave it alone, look the other way. I only see pride as the issue in this case.
If he cried, I'd be honored if I were you.
Forgive and forget. It's not real!!
edit:
The other side of the coin could be that you're so bad , like a dead fish, that you're so defensive. If you have a normal relationship then strive to overlook your insecurities. I don't remember you saying that he said anything about not caring for your feelings.

Answer 8

OK. Get his name and password, and log on. There may be a way to find "friends" or areas he's been in. This IS bad, but not necessarily "major" Lots of guys, and some women, chat with ZERO intention of ever doing anything more. Try not to rip off his face until you know that this is more that the electronic version of a stack of dirty magazines.

Answer 9

tell him you considered each and every of the internet sites and all the present interest and you no that he's mendacity thoroughly call him out on it. He for sure has some form of porn/intercourse addiction hence the mendacity. then you certainly might desire to return to a call in case you desire to stay with him in case you do insist that he is going and spot a therapists and gets help or you ought to bypass away on your man or woman sake additionally make him bypass to marriage counseling this isn't any longer alright to deceive your significant different and seek for different companions and digital cheat. with the help of how going and slumbering with different adult males might in elementary terms make you sense undesirable approximately your self and is merely ill and incorrect...

Answer 10

He may not have thought it was wrong but he was cheating online with other women and people by doing this to you and to your marriage. I suggest you both need marriage counseling to try to work on and save this marriage and to get past this together. I know how you are feeling because my husband did this to me early on in our marriage and he does not do this anymore. He really was sad when he saw me sad and hurt over it. I feel your husband is very sincere and remoresful for it. Work on trying to forgive him and get past this with him. You may need counseling for you as well. I am here if you need someone to talk to about this. Here comes lots of hugs for you today.