I'm pregnant and the dad...?

Question

I'm pregnant and the father of the child is not the best in the world...although we may not have realations he is still my best friend but his current girl won't be to pleased because i'm in the military and this happened when he came up 2 visit with my cousin. now I haven't told him or my leading commander because its still early and i'm not showing. He would be a wonderful father but I don't want to get involved with him @ all!!! But he has a right to know...I can do this alone but i'm torn and confused...help?!?

Answer 1

1) You need to tell your commander NOW. Although you're not showing, you're not exactly going to take precautions. The first trimester is an easy time to have a miscarriage. You NEED to lay back a little.

2) Talk to the father. Although he may not be happy, he's still the father. He needs to tell his girlfriend NOW before you begin to show.

3) Think about your options. Is adoption going to be a viable option? Especially if you're in the military and he's not the best daddy, think about it. Open adoptions even let you visit!

Answer 2

It seems you have two problems: one is telling the father. The other is telling your commanding officer. Let's tackle one at a time. The father of the baby has a right to know and even thought you don't want to get involved with him, you are going to be for the next 18 years. You need to make it clear right off the bat that you do not want to get involved. You should probably wait until you pass that first trimester. The odds of a miscarriage go way down. Then you need to decide how this is going to work and everything. Is he going with you to doctor's appointments? How are visitations going to work...etc...You and this guy need to sit down and have a long talk. Second, you didn't say which branch of the military you are in but no matter what you need to find out what needs to happen when a female soldier becomes pregnant. I'd wait until after that first trimester again because of the risk of miscarriage. I hope everything turns out.

Answer 3

He needs to know. Straight out truth is always the best answer. Of course his girlfriend won't be happy, he cheated on her but that should tell her that he is not the right guy then. You also need to tell your commander. There are things you maybe should not be doing while you are pregnant. Right now you have to think of the baby. It is all about what is right for the baby from here on out. You don't have to be "involved" with the father other than sharing some sort of custody if that is what you two decide on. Just always remember, it is all about the baby now.

Answer 4

What are your moral persuasions? If you are pro-choice and it's pretty early in the pregnancy, consider:
1) Do you want to, and can you be, a mother right now?
If yes, have your child. If no, either have abortion or plan an adoption. There are actually many families in US that want to adopt newborn children.
Would your family perhaps want to raise the child along with you? There are actually quite a few historical examples of ppl that were raised to believe their mother was their sister/ their grandmother was their mother.
It really depends on the health of your own relationship w/ your parents.

If you are pro-life then you'll want to carry it to term, and then decide from there whether to put your child up for adoption or not.
If you're not in a place to keep your child, adoption is often a very compassionate choice.

Finally, how well off is the father, financially speaking? If he's not doing well for himself, a court struggle will yield little support. But if he's got any stable income, the laws are designed to work in your favor. He has to pay child support, regardless of the extent of your relationship.

Answer 5

The dad has a right to know but at the same time, let him know that you have no desire to be with him. There is a way you both can be involved with the child but not with each other. As for your commander, you better him/her know before someone else does. Honesty is always the best policy.

Good luck!!! Raising a child on your own isn't as easy as most people think it is and if you have the drive and compassion, it's not as hard as some people try to make it.

Answer 6

If he's the father he has every right to know and he should know sooner than later so you two have time to work things out. This is between you and him and his girl has the right to know too but, not to get in the way. Your leading commander doesn't need to know until the pregnancy is affecting your performance. Hope it works out.

Answer 7

I'm not surprised that you're torn and confused. You have no life plan. You're one step away from a life sentence of welfare motherhood. I suggest you abort this pregnancy, and get married before you begin your next pregnancy. Your alternative is a life of poverty, deprivation, and dependency on other people. This is your last chance at a decent life. Abort now, or pay for your mistake for the rest of your life. I'm sure this isn't the message you wanted to hear, but you KNOW it's the truth. Good luck.

Answer 8

Of course you need to tell him. This isn't "your" child, it is just one half your child.

I don't understand why you say he would be a wonderful father but you don't want to get involved with him.

Think long and hard about abortion as it will haunt you for many years... especially when the baby could have a "wonderful father."

Answer 9

okay whoa..pleaseee tell your military dude first!! he needs to know because i mean you can get killed possibly[i really don't wanna be negative dont take it in the wrong way ANYONE can die right now], and we would not want two lives at the same time being taken away. so tell him first, then he will send you back home where you can go and explain everything to your best friend.

Answer 10

You should tell him if you are planning on keeping and raising the baby, if for nothing else than for child support, you should have help raising the baby, and if you think he would be a good dad then let him be in you and your babys life. Good luck!