My girlfriend finished with me 2 weeks ago. Then the other day, she sent me a message to ask if I'd like to go for a drink with her, only as friends,where we could just chat etc. I after thinking long and hard agreed. The problem was that the drink was terrible, she just started having a go at me,basically saying why she finished with me, and that she's seeing a new guy now, who's much 'better'...i just got quite upset...and i admitted rather stupidly that i had strong feeling for her, and that i loved her....she replied...that i didn't mean it...and then i just walked out...about 2 hours after, i got a message saying that she was sorry for all the hurtful stuff she said. i didn't reply. then yesterday, i get another message saying that she wanted to be friends with me, if i wanted to, and she says she thinks it can work.....i haven't replied yet...what should i do...feel like not replying! then today, even tho didnt reply,get other txt 'u could have at least replied'... i havent!!!
2007-03-17 09:23:28 · 7 answers · asked by Rejhaven 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
She obviously wants to be your friend, though she might not be in a position to offer friendship quite yet. You aren't yet over her, so I suggest an approach I've used successfully.
If you want to be friends with your ex, then let her know that by talking to her. In this instance, I'd suggest a quick phone call, or possibly a quick coffee. Something that you have control over the time, and length of time.
Sit down, and explain that you do want to be friends-but that your in a very difficult situation. Your still dealing with the breakup, still dealing with emotions, and aren't in a place to start a friendship with her today.
Reassure her that after you've taken some time to get past this, and to allow your mind and emotions to heal, that you'll be up for friendship.
Don't go arguing over the past, don't go professing your love for her, don't say much more. Try to keep this at 10 minutes max, then say goodbye for now, and head off and start the healing process.
If she's asking about when you two can talk, why you don't respond to text messages, why you don't want to have drinks with her... tell her the truth. That right now, those things don't help you get past this... time away from her is what you need.
Yes, I know this might be difficult for both of you to say and hear, but it's the truth. You can't get over someone if they are ever-present.
Good luck!
2007-03-17 09:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by Chronos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no obligation to a person who does nothing but abuse the relationship that was... and I said WAS.. because it is no more.
Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. So you loved and lost. Now move on. Find something else to fill your time for a while. Then look for a nice person who has some similar values as yourself and your family.
Do not answer her 'text' messages and if you should run into her in person.. Just Say No... You don't want to argue about anything. Life is too short. She has a boyfriend you know. So she has the world she wanted with the person she wanted and if that is a problem for her.. just stay out of it. You will never win with her. She isn't happy with you or she would still be with you. ps: arguing with her is not a relationship. Keep the Faith. You deserve somebody nice.
2007-03-17 16:39:31 · answer #2 · answered by ricketyoldbat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move on. She has a new boyfriend so in terms of the relationship it sounds like it will change. If she wants to be friends but seeing another fellow then it is just going to be painful for you.
At the moment the power dynamics are with her. She says she does not want to be with you other than friends, you have declared love for her, she has another boyfriend who is 'better' than you. Hmm. The fact she rang up the next day seems to point to a pattern that may develop, you don't want to end up a puppet on a string.
Certainly people become friends after they break up but it is often a good idea to give it some time. At the moment you will be pulled towards her because of your feelings which are not reciprocated so the answer is obvious.
2007-03-17 16:39:29 · answer #3 · answered by kenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't answer her. i had a relationship that ended similarly and the only reason he wanted to 'talk' or 'be friends' was so he could brag about how much sex he was getting and how much hotter these new girls are than me. just tell her that real friends don't treat each other like crap and that you'd rather spend your text minutes on someone worth the time ;)
2007-03-17 16:33:24 · answer #4 · answered by arismama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought out if you want to be friends? If you don't want to talk with her, text her back. You were a good enough person to meet with her and share your feelings with her. If you truly did care enough for her, respect her and give her your answer regarding friendship.
2007-03-17 18:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by elimayme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
reply saying "sorry for not replying earlyer, but i was really busy." tell her that you want to be friends, but not yet, that you want to have a little time alone before u start being friends again.
i hope this helps! â¥
2007-03-17 16:34:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There ARE mentally stable women out there...find one...
2007-03-17 18:15:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋