Other than the marraige crumbling.....that is. WE all know that's a stressful time in itself. I've been unhappy in my marriage for over a year now. My husband works long distance and slowly seems to have injected himself into living where his job is now. He's a nurse so a job is possible anywhere.... but, it seems to be an inconvenience for him to come back home to our home town. (no he's not cheating)
Long story short. We don't share the same core values as I thought we once did. I'm ready for a divorce. HOWEVER, my mom was just diagnosed w/cancer 2 weeks ago...My husband has not come home to support me during this time. He says if he does he's out of his school program. (u can only miss 4 days apparently) Is it impossible or even nutz of me to think that I can start the ball rolling on this and still be there to support my mom 100%. I do value my family as my husband doesn't seem to.
Just wondering...
2007-03-17 09:22:53 · 11 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems to me that he has lost interest in you and your marriage. Just going by what you said, it seems that he could make some type of arrangements with his boss to come home(or transfer to a different hospital) etc. If he is taking a class I think you can talk with your professor and tell him the situation and get a little bit of time off here and there. If he really cared it looks like he would ask..... It is really hard when you do not share the same values. You tend to lose a close connection when you are apart for a long time. If he really wanted to be home it seems he could get a job closer to home. I find it rather strange for him to pick a job so far away from his home and set up residence there..... If you are truly serious about a divorce you need to see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. It is possible to see a lawyer and sign papers etc. and still be there for your mom. First you will meet with him and tell him what the situation is. Then you will probably discuss what you want in the divorce. He will serve your husband the papers and then you will have a court date. Unless your husband shows his butt about something imparticular it should go smoothly..... It can be discouraging when your husband does not seem to care that you are worried and concerned about your mother. I would talk to him first and see what his thoughts are on all of it. You may find out that he is living another life where he is and will not be very worried about any of it. Good luck with your decision and I will be keeping your Mother in my prayers :)
2007-03-17 09:54:56 · answer #1 · answered by Tonia Hodges 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's your hurry. Is there someone else or something? I mean if you have this other dissaster going on in your life why cause a fight and be batteling on two fronts. Your not going to be able to just quit the marriage and pick up meaningfull moral support from someone new. Look to established relationships with family and friends for support try grandparents. Ultimately you have to be your own strength, if you don't have it, a husband or friend are only bandaids on an infected wound. Do self improvemet type reading, discover medatation/prayer, and discover YOUR inner strength.
If your decided on parting from your husband (and I don't think the midst of a family emergency is the best time to decide) then talk to a lawyer (seek a free consultation) you can initiate separation now without imeadiate divorce.
I am currently in divorce and custody hell and my business has been in crisis at the same time. My mom is now in remision from her cancer from two years ago. THERE IS HOPE. Don't allow yourself the indulgence of dispare
2007-03-17 09:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put your marriage, and related problems, on the "back burner". Take care of your Mom, let him continue school, then at a later time, re-address these issues and see if anything has changed. You've got too much going on right now to tackle divorce. You might feel alone in your life right now, facing these problems, but if you start a divorce, it will be the single hardest time in your life. Wait!!
2007-03-17 09:32:38 · answer #3 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
gee, i'm so sorry to hear about your mom.. my mother had cancer, too..
i guess you will need to weigh the odds and see whether it's best to wait or not as far as a divorce is concerned... if you are unhappy and don't have the same values/priorities in life, it would be hard to continue in the marriage.
your husband doesn't have to value your family (it's YOUR family, and great that you're supportive of them) -- he is taking care of his own stuff right now... and if he is in school, he's doing it for his future. sometimes we can't just stop what we are doing.
i'm not on your husband's "side", just commenting.
meanwhile, take care of you and do what you feel is best. it's a worry when our family members become ill...
sending hugs your way!
2007-03-17 09:35:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im so sorry to hear about your mother...my best advice to you is this...put off the divorce and worry about ur mother...in another month or two when u can concentrate more on the divorce, the lawyers will still be there...staying married another few months isnt gunna give u or take away nething from you...so ignore it, pay no attention to him and focus on whats really important right now...when u feel u have the energy to worry about ur divorce then do it...but for now, id say to stay with ur mom, she needs u more then the divorce lawyer does
all my best...
2007-03-17 09:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by serialshopper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are separated for 1 year those are good grounds for divorce ,just wait it out .Do tell your husband that you are unhappy first and give him a chance to turn things around.
2007-03-17 09:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by Heads up! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes it is a fact that many couples start divorce procedings when they are building a new house! i believe most come to their senses, but very stressful times can bring out the worse in us, you may value your family but you have to value your marraige even more. so work on it. your family is him.
2007-03-17 09:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When it rain it pours. Well somethings are just way out of our hands. If you and anyway trust in the Lord then I suggest you call him and your biggest time of need. For he cares, so cast your worries on him.
2007-03-17 09:28:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its possible he also wants out..Maybe the situation is a good opportunity. If this is true..the divorse may be simple. Talk to him about it.
2007-03-17 09:28:12 · answer #9 · answered by worldsource19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey, i'm sorry...but, yes, he is cheating...at the very least, he is certainly not sharing his life with YOU, is he?
best of luck, tammy
2007-03-17 09:31:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋