I know I should've never looked through his wallet. but I did.
And I was shocked to see a picture of his ex coworker. A female. I met her at a few of his company parties.
In the back it said with love to _____ and her name.
Its' bothering me! He is questioning what's up with me, but I cant tell him! I can't. He will instantly jump and say 'you dont trust me bla bla' and so on.
My thoughts were:
take the picture
Buy him a new wallet for anniversary and wait until he starts to change the wallet, and come unexpected and catch the picture then question him.
or?
I really don't know.
We were recently separated for 5 months. He swears that he didn't have anything with anyone and probably so because he called me all the time and we even had sex during our separation. I am thinking he wouldn't be calling me, if he was getting it somewhere else. Maybe its jut a friend that talked to him when we were separated? I don't want to
Please help me what should I do. This is really bothering me
2007-03-17 09:04:20 · 12 answers · asked by someone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To add:
I don't want to just jump to conclusions, you know? She might've just been there for him as a friend when him and I were separated or something?
Any suggestions would help.
2007-03-17 09:06:34 · update #1
For those of you that said that letting him know would be a good option. How do I do that without him looking at me and saying that I am going through his stuff (which I am). I wish it would just happen somehow where he tells me to find something out of his wallet or something like that. But I can wait for years before that happens.
Now he doesn't spend any time outside of the house (we live together) and all. perhaps he got the picture when she was quiting work and never took it out?
Its very hard for me to approach him just telling him i found this in your wallet, who is it. or something similar. I'm afraid that he'll get offended.
2007-03-17 16:28:08 · update #2
I like the first choice, this will always bother you if you don't know why the picture is there.
2007-03-17 09:14:06 · answer #1 · answered by C6 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to look in his wallet - suspicous or not. Those things (cell phones, email, accounts etc.) are open season between us. I would be upfront. People with nothing to hide, hide nothing. It's hard when your partner is quick to bash you about not trusing (usually a way of turning the tables away from the real issue).
You have no guarantee that he wasn't sleeping around while you were separated. Even if you were having sex, he could have likewise been with someone else. If the picture is innocent, fine, but he really shouldn't be carrying it around - or hiding it from you... if that's what he's doing.
If you ask him about it, don't let him turn the tables on you.. about why you were looking at the wallet. The issue is why he has the picture.. stay focused with that.
2007-03-17 16:13:55 · answer #2 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Chill a little. Just because he has a picture does not mean anything dreadful. Given the opportunity, most guys hang on to stuff like that, good for the ego and all! I would let him know you've seen it and then request that he put it away where you wont have to see it again. It is after all his personal property and his decision to keep or toss. You however do have the right to request it not be somewhere so common. If he gets huffy with you, then I would take that as a sign things are not what you think and like it or not, decide what the parameters of your relationship will be. Then stick to it girl!
2007-03-17 16:29:16 · answer #3 · answered by Connie C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So your just a little crazy right.......
OK, if your so neurotic...maybe you should not breach his trust and go through his wallet. Not a good thing in a relationship. Your the kind of woman who will get all bent out of shape if your guy was to throw you a secret surprise birthday party(because he'd have to 'hide' it from you).
anyway...a pic is not any kind of real proof. She might of had the pic, for whatever reason and wrote it out to him. Maybe she gave one to everyone at work. Maybe she likes him....maybe as just a Friend.
If you go off the deep end and take the picture or do the wallet scam.....you should just break up with him now. You'd be a horrible, horrible person(not that your doing good right now).
2007-03-17 16:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no, i am married.but if he's your B.F. well he took no vows with you, but when a girl writes 'with love to'--and he keeps it! in his wallet! you can be sure he had a fling with her while you were separated, yes he still had sex with you, some men are like that. i would throw him out, and tell her off. what an insult to you,
she wrote 'with love' and he took the picture -there was definietly a sex thing going on, your husband shouldn't even have pics from girls he knew before you, in your life together now. she felt completely comfortable giving him the pic and knew he would accept it, and he did, and he saved it.
2007-03-17 16:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry, but i would suspect an affair in this case though the proof is circumstantial...it is significant. a wallet is a very personal item. my ex was very careful about keeping tabs on his wallet...as if he had something in it to hide...i never bothered to look in it though because of his apparent 'other' life...he felt he should rifle through mine from time to time.
we werent separated ...we were married. your guy and you were separated...You should confront him. get it over with and get it out in the open your feelings. good luck peace
2007-03-17 16:15:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to help keep an eye on the mail, a friend of yours is sending you a picture of himself. If he says anything about it, tell him you're shocked that he would even say anything about it, you thought he would understand. Then stare at him and let him wonder what you know.
2007-03-17 16:17:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow! that's a hard 1 there honey. idk what i'd do. But i've learned not to jump to conclusions. i've gotten myself in too much trouble doing all that. To be honest, i think u need to be honest. There's no relationship if there's no trust in it nor communication. you know that's always the key words in a relationship or marriage itself. be honest, come out w/ it, let him know u saw the pic. in his wallet and u know that u were seperated at one time and want him to be straight fwd. w/ u and tell u the truth. maybe he just might feel guilty (IF its true) and come out w/ it. since he loves you. Either way, the truth will come out on its own if it is true. Believe me, I've gone thru too much hardship to finally learn and figure that out on my own.
2007-03-17 16:17:57 · answer #8 · answered by blah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know...all i know though is its ok to look into the wallet...if there's another woman's pic there...well, that obviously means sumthing...if i were u, id confront him...pics in wallets are reserved for the pipol close to a person...like friends (but must be a group w/ him in it, u, or the kids...or family members
2007-03-17 16:53:19 · answer #9 · answered by mitval 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps your boyfriend's ex coworker was a good friend....
EX coworker...he might have thought highly of her? do you keep pictures of ex's and other good friends? probably! so just forget about it.
he is with YOU. i'd let it go, unless he gives more reason for you to mustrust him.
you went through his personal things, so if you let him know, he will have reason to mistrust you too!
enjoy each other... it's not worth the hassle over a picture...
take good care!!
2007-03-17 16:22:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋