Mother's day tomorrow but mine is no longer here?

Question

I guess I feel alone, my mum died 6 yrs ago and not a birthday, Anniversary or a Mother's day goes by without feeling sad but focused on what it means because now I'm a Mum myself. I still feel like my heart has been ripped out, has anybody out there experienced the same? or can anyone relate to what its like to be without your mum?- best friend? I guess I just need to hear that my feelings are perfectly normal even after all this time... Thanx in advance x

I am very grateful to all of you for taking the time to write back and the words and suggestions are great, I now have the gruelling task of picking the best answer although they are all great I have to pick one so thanx again to you all and I too hope that you all find comfort and enjoy today like me as best you can x

Answer 1

no-one can say how long anyone should grieve for.now, because you are a mum yourself its natural to feel a bit raw. mothers day must feel like you've been kicked in the stomach knowing you cant treat your mum or even just give her a hug. you should be proud that she brought you up to be such a caring person. your children will make you smile tomorrow but a bit of you will always be with your mum. dont feel bad about this, you loved your mum with every bone in your body.. she loved you too obviously or you wouldnt be able to feel the way you do.enjoy your mums day you've earned it. you know deep down in your heart your mum would be so proud of you and her grandchildren. she'd have loved them and spoiled them and you'd be telling her off but not really meaning it. you cant bring her back but you can pay tribute to her by enjoying your mothers day feeling how she must have felt on this special day.have a glass of wine, raise a toast to the wonderful woman she was, shed a tear if it helps, but remember her warts an all and you'll get through the days with a new determination. your children are very special and will want to show you that tomorrow... let them. no matter how small a gesture a hug says it all.please enjoy your day im sure your mum will be looking down. take care honey xxxx

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for your loss mine is similar in a lot of ways,my mother is alive but has Alzheimer's and some days doesn't know who i am which is very hard for me, now that I'm a mother and grandmother myself i understand the bond that we share ,all you can do is either go the place she loved or her grave and leave some flowers and tell her you love her even though shes not here hope this helps

Answer 3

You are not alone nor are you abnormal. I lost my dad 6yrs ago too.. Although the pain has eased a little, little things brings back memories of him every now and then. B4 i thought of him all day, now i think of him probably once or twice a week depending on whats happening, but i miss him terribly and even right now cos i'm experiencing some difficulties in my life. I take comfort in knowing that he's around me and he loves me. And i know he knows i miss him terribly too... So i feel he eases my pain by just being close i think. He was the one who was sooo unassuming.. never moaned or asked for much ... but would be disappointed if he didnt get his hug. And he always used to call me on a sunday morning.. little things like that come back. But with a warm smile now than tears of sadness. Yes.. i do miss him.

Answer 4

Yes, I'm feeling the same, my mum died 19 months ago and I can't believe she isn't here. I don't want to think that she's gone and still talk to her in everyday life. when I'm on my own we have a good chat. I'll be going to the cemetry tomorrow. yes it's perfectly normal, just think about all the good memories.

Answer 5

there was a similar question earlier and its so sad to think of mothers day without mum but may i make a suggestion there's lots of lonely older people out there who would love some one to visit and make a fuss of them on special days like mothers day and birthdays family may live away i know you can help through Charity's sometimes advertised in Dr or citizen advice would know. i know its not the same as your real mum but there's so many lonely people out there who would love a visit and a chat it worth a thought an may help

Answer 6

so sorry to hear that you feel so sad at this time.
My Dad died 7 years ago and I know thats not quite the same as losing a mum but I feel very sad on fathers day etc.

I also feel sad when I achieve something good in my life. sorry that he is not here to see it and sad that he is not here to see my kids grow up.

Your feelings are normal and you're not alone.

Sometimes I just think to myself that if he WAS here, he would be proud and I give myself a pat on the back or a kind word on his behalf.

Take care. x

Answer 7

Oh how awful the feeling is. I lost my mum 8years ago and like you whenever her birthday comes along etc I feel a dip
in the pit of my stomach. No-one can ever replace your mum and sometimes the loss feels almost unbearable. Your feelings are the normal feelings of a loving daughter there is nothing abnormal in fact it would be abnormal not to feel as you do. Your mum must have been a great friend and that is so painful to lose. I am so sorry that you are experiencing such a feeling of loss. You will always remember your mum and in time the intensity of feelings will ease. Just hang in there it will get better in time. I do wish you well and hope you enjoy mothers day.

Answer 8

I recently lost my grandmother and it has been VERY hard. It doesn't matter if it has been 30 years your mother will always have a special place in your heart which NO one can replace and that is why it is so hard for us to cope with us losing loved ones. Your mother is now in a much better place with her mom and dad and family from past generations. She has a big mansion and is living in pure paradise! She is watching you every step of the way. Just make sure you do not ruin your life while mourning.

Answer 9

i lost my grandma (she raised me and i consider her my mom) 5 yrs ago in may, and there isn't a day that goes by that i don't still think about her. when i'm sick, when the kids are sick i always think of her. you can always wish her happy birthday/mother's day etc just tell her. some people may think your crazy but if it makes you feel better then do it. also a good cry now and then helps too :)

Answer 10

yes this is so normal even though as you said your a mom now it makes it even more harder because you remember the stuff you did with you mom , it is good to remember all the good stuff that you did together an take that with you an you will be a great mom it does get easier but you will always feel it more on birthdays mothers day an all this special event's ,why not buy a little card for your mom an put it up with yours i find that helps me .