My wonderful boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. The first 3 months of our relationship were out of this world...I could not get enough of him (well, we still spend every spare minute together) and I could see our future stretching into the distance. What I am saying is I pretty much "knew he was the one"
When we 1st got together 6 months I had gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a cop that lost his job because of it. it was a very dramatic break-up and very hard on me, so after that relationship I moved out of town for about 6 months to give myself a rest from all th drama I was going through. Court cases etc....
So now my caring, generous, trustworthy, attractive, caring, supportive boyfriend and I are currently living together but I feel as though "I dont know if he is the one?" Does that mean that he is not?
Nothing has changed from what I can see. This is my 1st relationship where I actually trust the person and I have never expected that.
For some reason I am either REALLY SCARED that I am falling out of love with him or that it was just infatuation. It makes me shiver when I think about it. I just want to be able to be with him for the rest of my life but since I dont know anymore I am doubting MYSELF constantly. I know he can make this work but for some reason I am doubtful about me...WHY? I know I could live the most care-free, and happy life with him....Will I appreciate him more as I mature and get older (Im 24) or is he just not the one? :(
I dont even think I will be able to come to terms if I have to let him go :(
2007-03-17 08:31:48 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sounds like you jumped into a very serious relationship (living together after dating a few months) without taking the time to date through the infatuation stages and be sure of your feelings. You were probably a little bit emotionally bruised from the past, so someone nice felt like a lifeline. Now you're in a situation where you have a pretend marriage/pretend wife without the security of feeling he's right for you.
I suggest you move out and continue to date him for another year before committing your life to him, or ending it completely.
2007-03-17 08:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds familiar as you had asked something similar to this before. I had left a man 11yrs ago for such abuse, mostly verbal and realized a connection to it as a child. Only thing is that once you are abuse , even if just verbal you are left with scars . You don't feel that you are worthy of such love and happiness because you were told and treated like a looser and a whipped dog to keep you belittled and under thier control. This man could be that very thing you need in your life but you have to undo the harm that was done to you in the past or your fear of not being good enough for him and feeling as a woman being treated so good that you feel there is something wrong with the relationship. Sweetie,,He is not suppose to knock you down physically or verbally. And if your going to rock the boat seek some conseling to help you. That will be a healing process to help you grow in a more healthy relationship with him. Hang in there because you deserve it after all you have been through.
2007-03-17 15:48:40 · answer #2 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are liking this guy because your are more like friends than lovers, maybe he is just comfort to you and not a life long partner. You have to decide what is important to you. There are lots of risks these days with mental disorders, sexual disfunctions, etc. You could get into a group session with him and know more about him and how you both react to things that don't normally come in your day to day relationships. Churches and universities, communities have group therapy or group activities that can help reassure you or get a grip on what you are feeling. Check it out! Don't just let things go, or you will regret it someday.
2007-03-17 15:40:24 · answer #3 · answered by desertflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, you just a really crazy boyfriend situation not too long ago. I don't think you should be living with your boyfriend of 6 months. Those first few months, you were in complete lust.
Now you may be in love. It's scary to be in love sometimes. But rather than sitting there wondering what might happen, you have to go out and enjoy your relationship. YOU WILL KNOW if the relationship isn't working. Please trust yourself and be careful not to rush into things.
2007-03-17 15:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if it's normal or crazy but having been there myself sure do feel for you. And my daughter is going through the same thing with the most wonderful young man. She is about your age. Mind you it is her very first relationship and one that's been seven years in the making. It is her opinion that she's aware she knows very little of the dating world having only had one lover. I know what she's going through. She's broken off her engagement and is moving out while trying to remain friends with him. I give her full marks for doing this even though my own heart is breaking for both of them. This is something you have to figure out for yourself. You're being as honest with yourself as can be so I have no doubt things will work out the way they are supposed to. At least, that's what I keep telling myself in my situation. Big hug, girl.
2007-03-17 15:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by OP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you were in an emotionally abusive relationship, it's normal for you to now have these feelings of doubt. It's just going to take a lot of time and patience (patience on his part) to deal with it. I've been out of an emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years now and still have many issues.
In my opinion, though, you probably won't get much more commitment out of him than what you have right now, because when you just "live together", there's no commitment.
2007-03-17 16:08:47 · answer #6 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont' think you should let all that bother you.. i am in a relationship going on 6 months and we just moved in together.. i at first thought i'm making a mistake because everything i felt for him starting getting in the way of what i wanted to do, if i was single.. but then i put all that and everything else to the side and i thought to myself, will i ever find a sweeter guy? a guy that loves everything about me like he does? will there ever be a guy that can take care of me physically, mentally, sexually and financially like he does? and i think sure there might be, but do i want to go through another 11 years of trying to find another one, cause if it took me that long for this one i dont' want to imagine how long it can take a second time.. and i'm truly happy with him and i don't care what others think, cause i love him... so let things ride and you never know, it might be the "relationship for life", but then again it could just be one of those experiences... good luck and best wishes...
2007-03-17 15:45:53 · answer #7 · answered by sleepinwhilebroke 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are just scared because you are realizing now that it is a serious relationship and that may be a little bit heavy for you right now. Instead of sabotaging the relationship, go for a walk or get away by yourself when you feel pressured. Don't throw away a good thing.
Don't let your ex rob you of a relationship you deserve.
2007-03-17 15:36:16 · answer #8 · answered by teena9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are perfectly normal. I think the fact that you can't imagine life with out him out-weighs that "bad" stuff. The fact that you trust him is huge and sometimes a relationship takes some work... when it seems like the times you wanna get out you just have to hold on and maybe a bit later something will happen that will re-spark it all. good luck!!
2007-03-17 15:40:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to admit he sounds awesome, there is no reason you should be doughting your long lasting relationship. Things are going cool now so stop worrying and enjoy it! I know what you mean though, I went through the same thing and it was worth the time we had together. Don't let your fears affect your life.
2007-03-17 15:38:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋