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In September 2006 wife comes to me and says she wants a divorce...we went to counciling and even then right to councilor she says I just want a divorce saying it was because of me..we stayed together in the same house while she looked for and apartment. Finally in November she says that it was not me that she needs her freedom, her independence and a chance to find herself..in December she went to California and took a job. Leaving me our two kids and her daughter with me. I filed for divorce and am hurt that things happened this way. We still talk and she now has second thoughts about moving away, but still does not know if she wants to come back.. Should I continue with the divorce or wait to see if she will ever make up her mind??

2007-03-17 08:03:32 · 23 answers · asked by Dennis J 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

23 answers

Please continue. She will always put you second best and as long as you allow it she will keep hurting you and not only you but the innocent children also.What type of mother leaves their children behind? The inconsiderate self centered ones. Are you sure she didn't meet someone on the net and left with them and it is not working out? She does not want you or she would not be so confused. She would have been back by now.

2007-03-17 08:08:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

I suggest you do some soul searching and remember that you are a father - do what's best for the kids and yourself. Keep that in mind and you will be ok. You can't do anything to change her.

I went through a divorce recently - similar situation - but I kept focusing on taking care of my daughter - a 17 year marriage is behind me but my relationship with my daughter is more than I could ever ask for.

2007-03-17 08:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Wow, sorry this sounds rough for you. I wouldn't let her back in your life so easily, if I were you. So, not only does she have children with you but she has a child from another marriage and just left them while she tried to "find" herself? Wow, no offense but how selfish can a mother be!

I feel for you...I know you must be a great, devoted husband who really wants to make his marriage work, but please understand that not all marriages are meant to last. I'd at least stay separated from her. It sounds like she was trying to 'better deal" you in California, and now that she is realizing its not all peaches and cream, she wants to come back. I don't think you have to file for a divorce right away, but I'd at least keep separated from her. Let her have her "independance" that she so wants! Sounds like she needs time to herself to figure out how she stands as a wife and mother....maybe that life isn't for her!

2007-03-17 08:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by Ms.Kimchi 1 · 0 0

Yeah, unfortunately, I'd say continue with the divorce. You can marry her again if she decides to come back. Right now you are better able to get more control of the kids and that's what you want to do until she gets her head straight.

Also the courts have a way of letting those escaping responsibly to realize that society doesn't agree.

I know it's hard. I was separated for two years.

I'm sorry for you and good luck.

2007-03-17 08:09:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

By all means continue with the divorce. You and the children to to have a life, a real life. Not just a position of limbo waiting for her to decide what she wants, who she wants.

It is better if you just get some counseling for the children and let them know you love them and are always there for them. Explain that this does not have a thing to do with them, it is just sometimes adults make mistakes and there are always consequences for mistakes.

But, do not let her selfishness keep you and your children prisoner.

God be with you and please find your families happy place and do not let anything or anyone shake that place apart.

2007-03-17 08:10:35 · answer #5 · answered by Nana 4 · 0 0

I don't understand how any woman can leave her children behind unless she is on drugs or has a mental disorder. At any rate, I would ask myself if her job is a "career" or is it just a "job"? If it's just a job then I would tell her that she needs to come home and find a job. Get counseling alone so she can find herself while she is still being a mother to her children.

2007-03-17 08:32:29 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0 0

it hard when there are kids in it
but it sound like she made her bed so let her lie in it (as they say the grass is never greener on the other side) why should you have to move you and your kids to california just to keep her happy and make your-self unhappy stay where you are filed the divorce papers and get on with with life with your kids
kick her to the crub and never look back

2007-03-17 08:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sounds like you have delusion's of grandeur. Get your head out of the clouds and stop letting this woman run you good lord the p-ussy cant be that good is it . Make her pay support on those kids but it will be hard to find a woman that wont's another woman's kids . Its all up to you its a hard call

2007-03-17 08:46:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

She has made up her mind, dude, you just gotta accept it. Its the hardest thing in the world to do, but, a good start would be putting anything of hers that's still there into big bags and putting them down by the river. Then call her and tell her when high tide is.

You deserve better. Please find it.

2007-03-17 08:11:31 · answer #9 · answered by Ade 6 · 0 0

You and your children need some type of stability so continue the divorce.

2007-03-17 08:47:54 · answer #10 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 0 0

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