hes a great kid almost 7 now but recently ive been noticing subtle differances between us that are bugging me, you see jamhal { my wife named him} looks nothing like me or our other son, you see hes black with an afro hair style, he looks more like a young huggy bear out of starsky and hutch than he does like me we are all white as are our familes and relations, should i confront her with what i am thinking or should i await further evidence?
2007-03-17 07:25:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
and its took you 7 years to find this out hahahahahaha
2007-03-17 07:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Are you serious? He's seven and you only just noticed that there appears to be no biological reason that you have produced a mixed-race child?
If you are not just sitting there having a laugh (a little pointless, but whatever pleases you) then it is genetically possible for this to happen if there are any black genes in either family from quite some time back, though it is unlikely that the black gene would be so strong.
Sure, ask your wife if you want, but sooner or later, if this a real question, your son, or not your son, whatever, will start to ask his own questions, you could wait to see how his mother answers these. You could ask her if Jamhal ever asks why he looks so different and see what she says, it is plausible? Does she have that rabbit-caught-in-a-headlight look?
Does it really matter? He is, by all intents and purposes your son, you are his daddy, whatever the biological outcome of this, he is the one who will be most hurt by any revelations. Sure you will hurt if you find out he is another man's biological son, that your wife strayed, but he will ultimately lose a father and have no idea who he is, and you say he is a great kid, don't you think he deserves better than this?
It is a well known fact, that there are many, many fathers raising children that they have in fact not sired themselves, blissfully unaware of the fact. But impregnating a woman does not make one a father. A father, or daddy, is the one who comforts when kids scab their knees or need a pee in the night and are scared of the dark, who excite them before bed when mum says its time to calm down, who kicks the football around with them, who does all those fatherly things from providing for them, disciplining them and helping them to learn. My daughter chose not to see her father any more, before the age of five, and she meant it, she thinks he is not fit to be a father, and although I do not say, she is absolutely right. I now have a lovely boyfriend who has been more of a daddy to her since we met him than her biological father could ever have been. She is completely his kid, same sense of humour, same outlook everything. Despite being incredibly close to my little girl, and all the harrowing stuff we have gone through, it is he that she turns to when she needs a hug, he that she confides in and likes to spend time with. She wasn't like that with any other boyfriend I have had over the years, just that this is her daddy, and I am sure that to Jamhal, you are his daddy, whatever andy DNA test would prove, if you are still with his mother after seven years, you guys must be doing something right, take it as something terribly precious, cherish it, and be really, really sure you have thought about all the possible outcomes before rocking that boat. If your wife did stray, and biologically he isn't yours, then I am sorry she did, but if you have every cheated on her, let it go. If you are on the birth certificate, the law will regard you as his father anyway, and he deserves a daddy like you, and you deserve a great kid, alot of parents cannot say that about their kids.
You know your heart, just take time to think and be aware that it is your little boy who stands to lose most and be hurt the most, and that he didnt ask for any of this.
Good luck, and God bless.
2007-03-17 07:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by Tefi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could cause problems confronting your wife but will put your mind at rest. You should definitely talk to your wife. Sounds like if you are all white and he isn't you could be right. Although I remember a few years ago seeing a black couple on This morning who had a white son with ginger hair. Turned out that one of their ancestors were white.
2007-03-17 07:31:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hiya, I wouldn't just confront her straight away, i would await further evidence, and please don't involve your child, you are his dad, he loves you and to involve him would turn his world upside down. Just take note for a while longer and then confront her. If you have all the evidence then you know you will not be proved wrong and if you are wrong and you accuse your wife of having an affair, your marriage could be at risk.
2007-03-17 07:41:10 · answer #4 · answered by kevina p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think it would be pretty easy for you to get some of his d n a and go have it tested,before you confront her,the kid always gets the raw end of something like this,so be damn sure.
2007-03-17 08:13:41 · answer #5 · answered by Butch46 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to look at a picture to give you some better advice. I wouldn't jump the gun on it because families can often have very strong recessive genes.
Look for things like the shape of his hands and feet and fingernails. I know the me, my sister and my brother share those features.
Look at pictures of her and your extended family. If there is some great aunt of yours he resembles, it could just be the miracle of genetics.
However, if you are as white as a sheet, and she is as white as a sheet, and your other son is as white as a sheet, and all of your extended family on both sides is as white as a sheet, and he looks like buckwheat ...
... my deepest sympathies for you and the child.
2007-03-17 07:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by poweranni 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should go to the doctor and they will take a Paternity Test to find out if this child is yours. On the on the other hand, his appearance could be from your wife's background throughout generations. hope this helps
2007-03-17 07:32:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to get u and ur son tested to see if hes urs if not that means ur wife cheated on u. or u could confront her about it. but if she denies it then go get tested it will tell u the real truth
2007-03-17 07:38:28 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it took you 7 years to figure this out...what were you thinking of when you didn't confront her in the beginning? yes tell her what you told us. 7 years i can't believe you waited 7 years she even gave him a name that normally white fokes don't have. wake up
2007-03-17 07:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by Sunset 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a DNA test and then you will know for sure. Then you can confront your wife.
2007-03-17 07:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by little weed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are feeling this strongly about it, you should get a DNA test. This is expensive however, so be prepared to accept the cost and the consequences.
2007-03-17 07:29:36 · answer #11 · answered by teena9 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋