My husband filed for divorce at the end of January. He has never given me a reason as to why, and I really don't care anymore. We have a four year old son and a baby due in April. We live 500 miles away from one another(I went ahead in August for a job opportunity-he was going to follow later after all of our bills were paid and house was sold). I pay for health insurance for our son, as I will for our new baby. He has sent only 400 dollars to help out, although I have sent 1300 dollars to him. He is now unemployed and living with his physically and emotionally abusive parents. He has also asked for a paternity test. I have never done anything that would make him question my fildelity. He has contacted women on the phone before. Do I have to call him when our baby is born? I really don't think he would care one way or the other. So should I?
2007-03-17 06:43:31 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you live in the US you have no legal obligation to contact him (unless you plan to pursue child support-but even then you don't have to tell him right away).
Morally speaking, I would contact him. If for no other reason than just to let him know. This is his child and for that he has the right to know. Let him be the one to make the decision as to weather or not he's going to be a deadbeat. Hopefully this will be what it takes to get him to stand up to the plate and change his life around. Stranger things have happened. But just give him that chance.
Good Luck!
2007-03-17 07:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry this guy is such bad news. I don't know why he would leave his family to move back with his parents. Perhaps he is headed for some sort of nervous or mental breakdown. In that case, it may be better that he is 500 miles away rather than having his emotional problems in your home while you are getting ready to have your second child. I'm just sorry he's not ready to be a good father but it could all be bad timing; maybe he will get his act together and be a father to his kids someday. He may be demanding a paternity test - even though you never gave him a reason to doubt you, submit to the test. It costs some money - does he have that money. It sounds like he doesn't. It will only work to your benefit to have the results and a record of it with your divorce lawyer.
Have someone else call him on the phone when the baby is born; maybe a friend if you have a friend with you at the hospital (or maybe one of your relatives would call him as a favor to you). He should know, since it's his son, that the birth was OK and the baby is fine. He's a big fat jerk right now. He won't be a big fat jerk all his life. And he will always be the father of your kids, even though you've moved on with your life.
2007-03-23 19:57:06 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Where did you ever find this guy? He is a total waste. You seem like a very intelligent person, and I cannot figure out how you picked this loser. No don't call him. If you want him to know about the child, have a family member call him, write an email. But he doesn't seem to care, so in a way why bother. Your husband filed for divorce? I don't think this man can handle responsibility, so I wouldn't have anything to do with him. Stop sending him money, especially when he questioned paternity of the baby. I would try to make a life for your and the two children, and move on, because if you keep involving yourself with this clown, you will never get your life straightened out.
2007-03-17 08:32:40 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, this guy wants the divorce - he's unemployed, living rent free, wants you to send him money (or you just do it for some unknown reason when you have the boy with you) and wants a paternity test. Who cares why he wants the divorce.. cuz he's a loser. I am divorce and take care of my two kids. But I was always told about things going on with them. You should still call him and let him know and then when he doesnt want to help out, then you don't need that luggage. Sounds like you're doing a good job by yourself, and then later on find yourself a good man.
2007-03-25 03:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by Carlos G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds like such a caring man!
NO! don't call him. He obviously doesn't care. Let the lawyers call him for that child support though! hahaha. And give him that paternity test what could it hurt??
You see you probably have never done anything for HIM to question your fidelity. But HE HAS! and I bet the Ho's he's sleeping around with are just as devious. He sounds paranoid now. Must be the company he's keeping.
Don't worry your pretty little head off about his issues. You sound like your doing a great job. I wouldn't be sending him any more money either. Get full custody of your babies and think about them first. But I WOULD NOT CALL HIM! just send the bill!
2007-03-17 06:54:54 · answer #5 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, at least give him the opportunity to be there. Do not pay his way to get there or make him being there a priority for you. Simply call him as soon as you know you are in labor and say, "I just want to let you have the opportunity to be there when our child is born, we are at this hospital". Then leave it at that. With my son, his father and I seperated when I was six months pregnant and he acted similar to your situation. Refused to get a job, would not help, tried to deny paternity and so on. I still gave him the chance to be there and years later I do not regret it. He did show for the birth and we managed to make it a happy occassion for all for that couple of days. Granted, after leaving the hospital he was useless, but remember it is about the child, not your resentment or bitterness that you have at this point (understandable). We have all been single mothers in one way or another...even the ones that are happily married.
2007-03-17 08:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by Lillianne 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes i feel you should so that he knows that this baby has been born and that he can see his child if he wants to. he has a right to see his child and new baby . I dont know why he left and filed for divorce but he is still a dad to these kids and needs to be involved in their lives and he will also have to pay child support for them and for their care. He also will be entiltled to visitation rights. You also need to have a paterenity test done if he is asking as well to prove to him once and for all that this is his baby or not. You also will need a good lawyer as well for the divorce and the child situation and custody and visitation and things like that. You also should have a paternity test done for your own state of mind as well. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.
2007-03-17 06:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO NO NO definitely not you don't have to call!!!!
However if it will make you feel better you can just send him a letter in the mail. I have a feeling if you do call him he will just say something that will hurt you. And after childbirth a women is more sensitive. But it is really your "call", No pun intended.
You can take a paternity test at your liesure. Good luck, and have an easy childbirth.
2007-03-24 23:31:43 · answer #8 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want child support from the bum then go ahead with the test. If you want him out of your life forever, get full custody of the older and tell him that hes not the father of this one.
I see no reason why you should call him when the babys born he thinks its not his anyhow and has done nothing to care about you or the kids.
If he had cared it would be different but as I see it he could care less.
2007-03-23 11:13:57 · answer #9 · answered by Blessed Rain 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For the child's sake I say yes that you should let him know when your baby is born. The fact that he up and wants a divorce without justification smells fishy, then he is accusing you of sleeping around? He has either a problem or he is moving on to the next woman. I hope every thing goes well for you!
2007-03-23 17:15:47 · answer #10 · answered by bydclntn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋