My husband is currently deployed and laid it on me again!! He wants a divorce! =( I am so heartbroken I honestly thought he had changed! We was doing better than ever or so I thought Then he asked me to chat with other woman which has been an issue for us for a long time now! I finally put my foot down he got mad and then the next convo was he wanted a divorce! I am so confused and dont know what to do! I have been trying to give him his space and when we talk its more friendly because I never want to talk about whats going on! I dont know wether to beileve him or not It could be so many things! He said he doesnt love me enough to spend the rest of his life with me! This is the man I do everything for cook clean massages making his plate for dinner sex atleast once a day!! I just dont understand! We get along very well except for the computer issue!! I need some insight plz!!
2007-03-17 06:19:49 · 23 answers · asked by Sheri 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He wont go to counseling!! He has said all this before and took it all back thats why I am not sure if i should move on or stick it out!! I dont want a divorce but at the same time I dont want to go thru this again
2007-03-17 06:35:55 · update #1
if you are hot leave him
ask any guy if you hot
2007-03-17 06:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by eric o 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are going over and beyond for this man and he doesnt love you? there is a disconnect there, over one small issue if he has to throw an ultimatum, there might not be real love. if he keeps doing it, before you feel worse and be used further - may have to plan an exit strategy. It depends how well you know each other - does he get depressed, angry and throw a fit - and 2 minutes later look at you like nothing happened? then it would be something you can just talk about and sort - maybe catch him in a good mood and tell him that you love him but there are some things that you need to talk about and need changes with - if he doesnt want to listen - that maybe a clear indication that he doesnt really want to be in the relationship. Professional counseling will help. Talk to a close friend or someone who knows both of you well - a 3rd person can always give a different perspective on things.
also search online - the internet is the biggest information source that you can ever find. - good luck. a person who loves you will never hurt you on a continuous basis...
2007-03-17 06:46:01 · answer #2 · answered by Mia 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't need to "educate" her as if she is a dog!!! first of all, your current situation must me the consequence of something... what has been happening between you two?? haven't you tried to consider that she must be even less satisfied than you are?? you are thinking just about "fingering" and stuff like that when maybe the source of the problem is communication?, empathy? and understanding??? anything else Beyond the mere sexual act? And don't even try to take this situation as an excuse and cheat on your wife now!! That would very selfish and even immature for a man of your age... Try to listen what she has to say and DON'T JUDGE her of having traditional thoughts... im sure there's a lot to save in in your marriage, even more after 22 years!!!!! Good luck and sorry If I spoke strongly but men sometimes are so thoughtless....
2016-03-16 22:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an emotional roller coaster you must be living. Honey how can you deal with that thought every day of a man who says he doesn't want to be married to you? When you think all is okay.... and then BAM he starts with his I WANT A DIVORCE CRAP.
I know it's hard to even think this. But he sounds really unhappy. Maybe after it's all been said and done he'll have his regrets. But I suggest you leave him and move on. He is not the only man left, their are men out there that would LOVE to have a women like you around. Pick your self up and dust your self off and be strong. Get some counseling to help you through this. Eventually you'll meet the RIGHT ONE.
Much luck!
2007-03-17 06:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
(Just to give you an opinion, because that's what it only is): It's sad to hear/know that people get together just to let it dissolve when once there was "ignition". It may be that the foundation of your relationship was established on a feeble ground. Whether that be the case or not, sometimes people get together because of beauty, status/lineage, wealth or religion. The latter is the real reason to get together and what can help keep it together. The other three reasons why people get together can fade, deteriorate and they just don't hold deep sentimental values. The reason why you two got together should be given considerable thought by you.
You can see how sex can falesly pull two people together with a false pretense of actually being in love, but just merely falling in lust and lovin to do it is totally on different planes. Not that that's your case. It's just one of the situations that people encounter.
To answer your question: First, does he really want to be committed? If he wants to chat with other women, he's not living up to his part of the commitment. I've been there in his shoes to the extent of chatting with women on the net, and end up talking about relocating and starting anew. (Without letting them know I was already with someone and without telling my girl.) Secondly, you have to understand that marriages in the military can cause a serious strain on relationships. Knowing that, and what comes with it, like deployment, should have people already knowing the stakes, and the fight of working together to keep what's sacred, sacred. I don't know how it is with you and him, but, if you want it to work out, he also must want to work it out. What can you do other than pray, is to find someone that wants the same thing as you do. Remember, it's never too late to try again with someone new.
Last but not least, if you two have children, (which is the utmost reason why he should try to work it out), let him know that it takes a mother and a father to raise a child/children. If he truly loves and wants what's best for his child/children, then that would be him. Not many men can replace a biological father nor the natural love that can be offered. He did what he did to marry you, this little dip in the course of your marriage shouldn't be seen as a pitfall, we all go through our ups and downs. He needs to figure himself out and not use the "D" (divorce) word as a weapon. From what I read about lasting marriages is that the answer would almost all of the time be, "we treat each other as good friends". Is that one ingridient with you two?
2007-03-17 07:12:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband may need help. It is not fair for him to want you to do that when you are not comfortable with it. Your feelings matter too. I am not an advocate for divorce so if you think that there is any way that you two can make it maybe you should get some kind of marriage counseling. I do realize and I think you do too that sometimes divorce is the only way. I know I have not helped you but I hope it at least gave you something to think about.
2007-03-17 06:27:59 · answer #6 · answered by Wilma S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lose the guy, he seems like a bum, and you could probably do a lot better. If he doesn't think he loves you, after you treat him like a king, then he's not worth it. Don't waste your time a guy who doesn't appreciate you. It will be hard, duh, but eventually you'll get over it. My mom spent 13 years with a man she hadn't loved and it was just a waste of time that she could have had to find true love. Life is about making choices, and this is a big choice. The thing that makes like, is finding somebody to share it with. Do you really want to share your life with somebody who doesn't treat you the way you treat them? You'll be miserable if you stay with somebody as unapreciant as him. Especially if he wants to talk to other girls. Just let him, and pair that up with a divorce. He can talk to all the girls he wants, and you can talk to all the guys you want, guys that are better for you and treat you with the respect you deserve. Afterwards, it will be hard, my mother was depressed for awhile, but thats because she didnt keep herself busy. Just keep your friends near, go out and have fun, and you won't miss him, except for maybe at night. It may hurt a little or alot, but its what needs to be done so you can lead a happy life.
2007-03-17 06:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by browneyesoxx 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do you want to stay in your marriage if he is talking to someone else? And besides that he said he doesn't love you, I'm sorry there is no nice way of saying this to someone, but you can't spend the rest of your life with someone that doesn't even love you. You're trying too hard, if he really loved you, you wouldn't need to do all these things to try to keep him (which still isn't working) But he would love you just because of who you are.
2007-03-17 06:26:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh no!! With him being deployed could really mess with his head. I mean I dated a guy for over 3 years and with him knowin he was getting deployed he ended it. He was getting ready to propose and everything. Like you, I did everything for him. Everyone tells me I am such a great girlfriend and how my guy friends or even guys who hear about what I did for my ex wish they had a girlfriend like me. My ex is realizing he made a mistake, but is still torn with being over seas. Im sure your husband is the same way. Remember the times that made you fall in love with him... like the little things, whether it was tickling him in a sorten spot or something you did that made him smile and laugh adn do it again. That always helps. If you talk only online... write love notes to him saying how much you care for him. If your having a bad day... disregard telling him. He has enough going on over there that he doesnt need to hear bad news on your end (which totally sucks)... also... take pics of yourself and send them to him. Distance seems to be hard on guys... and gets them to think (always negative) thoughts. So step up your game and show him that he's lucky to have you. Ive lost some weight and I look great... I wear cute clothings and everything!! It bothers him, cause I could get any guy I want and he knows it (even though I want him) so Im waiting to things settle and for him to come home. So have fun and be fun and silly. I hope everything works out well for you :)
2007-03-17 06:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by Aj 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If only one person want to save this it is probably already over...you cant change someone...and someone willnot change f they dont have any desire to....miliary people are funny (i know) they deploy and sometimemeet people and are easily convinced by others and thats that.....they lose the people that truley care for them an they dont realize it until later on in life when they have nothing....I say give the guy what he wants and you move on (youll be better off) it will be hard to lose someone youu love but keep you head up and stay strong...good luck!!!!
2007-03-17 07:08:52 · answer #10 · answered by Flip 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He wants to sexually exlore and the thought of not doing this feels like he's denying himself life. I would imagine a couple of tours in Iraq could do that to a person.
Basically, his new sense of freedom conflict with your morals. It sounds like your husband is no longer the sam man you married. If you stay together he's probably going to cheat on you are divorce you anyway. If you experiment with him, you are going to betray your own values and I would not do that. I think you guys need to seperate for a while. If divorce keeps becoming a topic, then you need to move on.
2007-03-17 06:39:01 · answer #11 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋