Disability discrimination..by the public.?

Question

I have a disability and live in chronic pain. I am so frustrated by how those of us with 'unseen' problems are treated.

Most disabilities are NOT obvious. It seems people expect them to be; be in a wheelchair, or one's mobility so impared it's obvious; then they 'approve'. How arrogant! I have only so much activity I can tolerate a day, so I have to conserve this.

A person's medical condition is b/n them and their Dr. I get dirty looks when I park in the handicap space, and ugly comments. 'It doesn't look like anything's wrong with you!',or 'You don't look handicapped to me'.

I couldn't walk a year ago. After intense treatment, I get about with strict limitations.Though I still live in chronic pain, it's worse when walking. I didn't care about my apprearance and was very depressed.
I finally improved on this, and appear 'normal'.I guess I should appear on death's door to qualifty to park here. (I use my hc tag)
All due respect, most in w.c.'s aren't in pain, so curb access

it is often not as crucial; many are paralyzed. This an opinion from my Dr also.
I'm not in favor of the handicapped 'symbol' of a wheelchair. I think it perpetuates this way of thinking.

I have a friend who was in a horrific car accident. He died and was brought back 3 times. He lives in chronic pain.

Both ankles were crushed, he can easily fall down, just 'fall over' as his ankles are fixed and don't turn.

He was out with friends, and was told he 'didn't look handicapped'
He said 'Thank you!'. I love that.

If you're seen having fun, then obviously again there's nothing wrong with you. I am middle aged, and I guess you'd say attractive. I guess I don't 'look the part'.

Also, I was told I 'only use the h.c.tag when I need it', since I put it up when I park. Well, it says ON IT you're not to drive with it up.

How can people be so judgemental?

Answer 1

The irony here is that these people see themselves as defending the concept of disabled parking -- even though what they're really doing is punishing legitimate users of this policy.

All I can suggest is to try to publicize the fact that not all people who legitimately have the -- whatever the thing is you hang to show you're allowed in that parking space -- LOOK the way most people expect them to look.

The deeper problem is that so many people feel free to comment on everyone else's actions.

You might consider writing Miss Manners to ask how to best respond to this.

She's a crusader regarding this topic, and would probably be happy to a) give you responses that (politely) make the person feel bad, and b) publish yet another admonition on this topic in her column.

Also, write pieces to your local paper, ask local news to do a Report, and otherwise get this concept out there.

Good grief! Your body is being "mean" enough to you, without a lot of busy-bodies being mean to you on top of that.

Although myself a member of the "temporarily able-bodied" I feel for you in this.

Rude, rude, rude, rude, RUDE!

Answer 2

Boy, can I relate to this one! My wife and I both are disabled due to severe chronic pain from failed back surgeries and a car accident where I almost died. We get those looks too when we park in handicapped parking. The problem is that neither of us can walk too far. We are in our 30's and 40's and both have "invisible disabilities". After my accident, people were very kind because I had a rod in my leg, plates and screws in my ankles, a broken back and these were things they could see. Now I walk with a limp, but some people think I'm faking it. It is so frustrating. Somedays I wish people could just live in my body for one day so they could get it. We both live in pain 24/7 and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemies. People need to be more empathetic to those around them. No one really knows what another person is going through or dealing with.

Answer 3

How can they be? It's second nature. We all get grief, slow drivers, fat people, old people, handicapped people and the list goes on.

I love what your friend replies when they say he doesn't look disabled. Say"Thank You" every time!! That's brilliant!!
Those people are only griping because they want to steal the parking spot and they judge you to be as dishonest as they are.

Too bad you don't want the Handicapped Sign on your car. That would help but I understand your reticence to provide an explanation to strangers. You should be mad. But you don't need to run your blood pressure up defending yourself before you even get completely out of your car. All I can do is agree.
"People Are Poop" as one of my favorite Avatars has named himself. I admire your strength to still get your shopping done after such a welcome.

Think about giving in to the sign. And adopt your friend's answer also "Thank You". You can't change people. That's the real aggravation. But you know that. Good luck with parking and mostly with your chronic pain. Peace. @8-)

Answer 4

There is so much discrimination out there, against so many groups. This is just pure evil though.

Most people would never voice their opinion or give dirty looks to other minorities, except perhaps overweight people, but not usually to those of other races.

Why on earth do they feel entitled to do this to people with a disability? Because they think these people are weaker, and feel superior to them?

WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO THEM IF YOU ARE OR AREN'T HANDICAPPED?
Ugle comments will stay with that person, but be quickly forgotten by the arrogant person who voiced it.

A friend of mine does not put her tag up, as it says on it NOT to have it up when driving. She grabs it and puts it up when she parks, which got comments of 'Oh, you only use that when you park'. Well, duh. Itsn't that what it's for?

Hang in there and try to have a sense of humor about it and come up with a good line.

Answer 5

Ive noticed alot of healthy people with handicap permits, it makes me sick when they can walk perfectly fine and they take a handicap parking spot from somebody that can barely walk.They must have a relative that works at the DMV and got them a permit. That needs to change, what a bunch of losers.

Answer 6

discrimanation is bad don't let it get to you my brother does that he has a.d.d and people can find out from school and make fun of him