Girlfriend issues...help!?

Question

Well, this happened near the start of our relationship. She had told me she once was in love with a guy she always saw at powwows (Native American get-togethers), and had told him the last time she saw him. She hadn't seen him in 2 years, but she said she wanted to talk to him when (and if) they met. I told her that he could have changed completely (which he had, he's in the army, and is completely different) since they last met. She said that she might kiss him, and that I should be OK with it or just leave her if I chose. Turns out she never met him and heard he was so different, she no longer has this "need". I have been with her for a year and 3 months now, and I still have misgivings of trust (since she did stuff with her girlfriends - she's bi - and her mom hates it when I tell her I don't like her sleeping at her friends' houses still, 'cause she doesn't know). Sometimes she included me, but stuff has happened that degrades my trust of her. What can I do to rebuild it?

My earlier (huge) post tells more about this issue. I feel like I should trust her now that we are completely devoted, but I feel like she hides stuff - she has before, until the "right moment" after more has happened, but nothing physical. I just want to be able to trust her since this is over. She had this crush on a guy that she got over, but she had plans to go to the movies with him before I knew the crush thing, and she said I could go with her best friend, the ultimate trust test. She told me once she fell into kissing her friend (or thats what I remember), but now she says she didn't kiss her, and handed her over to her best friend to kiss. She says the original thing which I remember clearly never happened. Could she be trying to cover it up? I am confused and hurt, I want to trust her and should, but these things just kill, even though she swore o her life she was loyal, and so have I. And we are pretty much engaged, so we swore to stay loyal. I just want to trust!

Just as another note - this stuff hasn't happened for over 6 months, I'm just having trouble getting over it and trusting her. Also, the thing with her little crush and the movies was just like 3 months ago or so, probably less, but she said nothing would have happened. I believe her, but still, I feel like she was trying to get something out of that, some sort of emotional satisfaction. She gave him a note and everything, but he couldn't make it. And to tell the truth, if I had known everything, I would have cared that she asked him and gave him a note, and would have kicked his *** and screamed at her. She wouldn't have let anything happen, but I think she did it to get the satisfaction out of it - like yes, I did it, now I can go back to normal. It's things like this that just kill my trust with her, and she acts like its my fault and problem. She doesn't blame herself at all, and neither does her mom - so I feel like explaining everything to her mom, but she would kill me.

Answer 1

I'm going to be honest with you, the relationship isn't going well at this point. Your girlfriend believes that you'll never leave her even after she cheats. She's taking advantage of you and she knows it. She'll keep using you until you put your feet down. Right now she's taking you for granted, to safe you from heartbreak, just leave. Find someone else that will take care of you, that will love you and you only. She isn't the kind of gal you should settle down with. I can tell that the relationship is serious to you, but she's not serious. She's still immature. Again, just leave. If she sees your seriousness, then maybe she'll take you more seriously but dude...she's walking all over you right now because she knows you won't leave her. Good Luck and I hope u find the one!
A.L.