My wonderful boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. The first 3 months of our relationship were out of this world...I could not get enough of him (well, we still spend every spare minute together) and I could see our future stretching into the distance. What I am saying is I pretty much "knew he was the one"
When we 1st got together 6 months I had gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a cop that lost his job because of it. it was a very dramatic break-up and very hard on me, so after that relationship I moved out of town for about 6 months to give myself a rest from all th drama I was going through. Court cases etc....
So now my caring, generous, trustworthy, attractive, caring, supportive boyfriend and I are currently living together but I feel as though "I dont know if he is the one?" Does that mean that he is not?
Nothing has changed from what I can see. This is my 1st relationship where I actually trust the person and I have never expected that.
For some reason I am either REALLY SCARED that I am falling out of love with him or that it was just infatuation. It makes me shiver when I think about it. I just want to be able to be with him for the rest of my life but since I dont know anymore I am doubting MYSELF constantly. I know he can make this work but for some reason I am doubtful about me...WHY? I know I could live the most care-free, and happy life with him....Will I appreciate him more as I mature and get older (Im 24) or is he just not the one? :(
I dont even think I will be able to come to terms if I have to let him go :(
2007-03-17 05:08:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You will appreciate a stable person the longer you are with him. Are you feeling that he is not the one because you feel you could be with someone better looking? If that's the case, then stay with him. Does he do things that annoy you? If not, then stay with him. Looks go to hell in a hand basket after you're old and married anyway. :)
2007-03-17 05:15:27 · answer #1 · answered by TilBot1007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I swear this world sells us a pack of lies every time. We start out playing house to find out if house is a good game or not, and then get upset when we have given ourselves to the relationship that we are building, if we find hitches and flaws and even minor reservations.
Why not build the relationship first?
BEFORE you "play house".... ask the tough questions.
Now you are in this relationship, and in the house, and you are still finding out whether or not you should be with the guy.
Why does this not seem right to me? Oh I know, its because EVERYONE is doing it this way these days...right???
Not right!
We were designed to better things than worrying about our relationships with our spousal choices yet to be consumated as spousal.
Now that you are playing house, and your heart is less than focussed... try anyways to ask the tough questions. Settle it once and for all, because anything less is wasting your time.
If you really want permanancy in a relationship, why not ask Jesus for one? he said He will never leave you or forsake you.
2007-03-17 12:26:23 · answer #2 · answered by Beyond 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a qualified therapist or anything like that, but I am aware that people who had previously been drawn to abusive relationships (yes, it sounds weird, but we do it!), are unsure of themselves when they get in a 'normal' relationship. I don't thnk you're crazy but I would recommend looking up a good relationship therapist who can help you sort through what is 'normal' and what is not. I have heard it said that there's really no 'normal', except as a setting on the dryer! That said, some of us think of abusive as normal...since it's what we're used to. Even so we think that not abusive is not normal. Not crazy, but maybe in need of a healthy adjustment in thinking. It's hard but it can be accomplished. I wish you well!
2007-03-17 12:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by freyajr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is not passive, it is an action, something that you do. Continue to act as you would if you were still in love with him, and your feelings will follow. No one can keep the first rush going forever, after a while it begins to be work to keep a relationship going. The work, however, IMHO, is worth the return.
2007-03-17 12:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by mjb63114 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
normal...just relax and take it one day at a time. sounds like you enjoy his company but are getting way too stressed and over analyzing things. you are not married or engaged so i don't quite get the pressure to make sure "he's the one". you obviously care about him & vice versa ...so enjoy the time you have together and eventually you'll come to terms with whether or not he's the one you want to spend your life with or not but give yourself time especially since your previous relationship wasn't healthy or good
2007-03-17 12:21:24 · answer #5 · answered by DEWEY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You havent set a wedding date yet, right? So just go with the flow for awhile. You may just be stressed right now. The right thing to do will come to you.( Noone can decide for you!) Good Luck!
2007-03-17 12:14:16 · answer #6 · answered by plainfieldcletusblue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no obvious problems in your relationship don't sweat it. Maybe it just has gotten a little boring since you guys moved in try to spice it up a little. But you should talk to him about it.
2007-03-17 12:15:59 · answer #7 · answered by Kayla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really listen to your inner voice. It maybe trying to tell you a warning. What ever the case, if you don't love him anymore quit the relationship.
2007-03-17 12:13:31 · answer #8 · answered by sunkissed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you have to put effort in to take out what you want.
if you want to wear nice clothes, you must wash, iron, and hang them in your closet ready for use.
if you want to drive a nice car, you have to wash it, and wax and polish it from time to time.
now that the initial infatuation is passing, shouldn't you be putting something into your relationship instead of wallowing in self-doubt?
2007-03-17 12:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
follow your heart sweety true love comes from the soul and heart
2007-03-17 12:18:45 · answer #10 · answered by Arhena D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋