I find I am always attracted to stocky, knowledgable and skillful man, but my husband has neither of them. I married to him bcos I like him, and he is a very nice person, intelligent, considerate, loyal and he loves me, also bcos I didnt have enough time to get to know him bcos we were far apart when we started the relationship, I thought I would love him. But now, being in a marriage, I find him more like a trustful friend than my lover, I dont have much passion for him. Some people told me in a marriage, passion doesnt count much, the most important thing is he treats you good and he could share everything with you. But I was in love b4, and I miss that feeling. Now I have been married for 3 months, I constantly find I want more than just this, what should I do, how can I love him? or should I get a divorce?
2007-03-17 04:39:51 · 15 answers · asked by jing j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why would you marry someone you didn't love, you should divorce him, he deserves better.
2007-03-17 04:46:39 · answer #1 · answered by ladybug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation and I am still married and have now been married for 8 1/2 yrs. To a man that I love very much. If you want to stay married, which from the way you are talking it is just a matter of being married . It seems that it is the fact of marriage you are not happy with. Your husband seems like he is a wonderful person. But to fall in love with someone you have to work at and it is a selfless act. There is a quote that says " To have a successful marriage you have to fall in love many times with the same person". There could not be a more true quote. I love my husband and he is completely NOT my type, but you don't get to chose who you fall for. But if I start having doubts, which I do, I just relish in all our good times and all his good qualities and do something for him that I know will please him. Then I can look at his face and see into his eyes and know that I have married the best man suited for me alive. I could go on because I know that the reason I am with my husband is Gods will. We have been through so much and we were not spiritual people but we now attend church and try to live right, I am thankful to God for the man my husband is and the person he has allowed me to become. You just need to work on your marriage if you truely want to be married. The newness always wears off and it will never return but ther is so many other feelings that can replace it. No matter who you are with there will always be physical and mental traits that you may not like but you will never find perfection. My prayers will be with you.
2007-03-17 05:51:43 · answer #2 · answered by cherristee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good morning,
Hm mm, I have never been in that situation but I could give you some advice. I am a 53 year old divorced female. And I divorced my husband after 30 years of marriage; for reasons that I will not go into now. Now about you I do not want to tell you what to do but. I married for these reason. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I WANTED TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM AND I DID. I did not marry him for his intelligence, or because i liked him. Love, is very important and if you do not feel love. Like you have experienced before in the past oh well. Maybe you should get a divorce. How would he take that? Does he love you? By all means do not have any children with this man; it would just hurt him more! That is all I can say bye. I have been divorced now for 5 years and I am single; but I do want to find a soul mate..I do not want to grow old single. My previous marriage was terrible...lots of verbal abuse to me and my daughter. Lots of physical abuse to me; and to my daughter. Ugly stuff....I also have 2/adult sons....wonder not at all like their dad. Well, good luck and pray about you decision OK bye.
Curly top in Texas
2007-03-17 04:54:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you throw away your marriage for 'passion' which is mostly infatuation and not lasting love, you will regret it. Marriage is about commitment, about the day to day mundane activities. Additionally, trustful friends can be the most considerate of lovers. Stop wishing for what could be and appreciate what you have. Work to spice up your current relationship and make it something that will last.
2007-03-17 04:54:43 · answer #4 · answered by Julia Sugarbaker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, You don't know how lucky you are! Most women would give their eye teeth to have such a man for a husband! So there isn't passion? Ok! how long does passion last? Say you find a guy that gives you the kind of passion you want! What about the rest? One can't have everything!
2007-03-17 04:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by Gerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to him .you agreed to marry him.sorry for that question,did you go for your honey moon somewhere after your marriage ? you should forget tha past .don't he gives you the thing you need?take a paper a write down all the good side of your husband and think about ,will your futur be safe if you broke your marriage?find a hobby .since three month don't tell me that you were not intimate with him.can someone give herself without love .how can it be? love takes time i'm sure your husband knows you don't love him but he is giving you time to explain yourself. think before you do something you might regret later.
2007-03-17 04:55:05 · answer #6 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My husband is more friend than lover, and we can't seem to get on the same page when it comes to intimacy. If you don't have children, and you don't see yourself being attracted to your husband already, then it is probably fair to both of you to leave. If you don't you will always be tempted by those who do attract you, or you will resent your husband for not being who you wanted him to be. In the long run, leaving him will do the least harm to all parties involved.
2007-03-17 04:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Read meaningfully, and if you find you still have some of these feelings, the there is possibility you might fall in love. I advise you to spend quality time with and with time, you will discover sometime in him you will truly cherished. Divorce should be your last resort.
2007-03-17 06:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by iwuaforo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Human mind has always been mysterious to all.. Sometime we ourselves dont know what exactly we want.
Do you really think that you have distinguished clearly between liking and loving a person?
Personally I dont think this is the valid reason of divorce. Think twice on it.
2007-03-17 04:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by CosmicLight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, what you are saying is that your marriage is built on a lie...I think your husband has grounds for an annulment based on the fact that you lied during your vows...
2007-03-17 05:40:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered counseling? There is so much more to marriage than passion.
2007-03-17 05:23:50 · answer #11 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋