How can I get my husband to understand that my need to go out to the bar, is a way to rekindle our marriage?

Question

I explained this to my sister-n-law, and she completely understood. When I first met my husband, we were regulars at the local country/western bars. I used to be a size5, was dressed super sexy and looked pretty hot. Of course this is how I drew the attention of my now husband, as well as double takes from others. He also looked pretty darn hot and got attention from me and other women as well. We hung out with the same circle of friends and we had a blast. Once we got married, we stopped going to the bar and we have both gained weight. Neither one of us get dressed up very often anymore. My sex drive has really dropped. The times when I have really been attracted to and turned on, have been when my husband is really dressed up and when I can see that other women find him attractive. I have noticed the same seems to happen with him. I am not interested in cheating at all, but I think it would help our relationship, to go out to the bar, dressed up like we used to. continued.....

It may sound silly, but the idea that other women are checking out my husband and knowing he is with me, is a turn on. I think the same holds true for him, vice versa. I don't know how to get him to understand why I am encouraging him to go out to the bar with me again.

Ok guys, I didn't say I was a fat cow or something. I know I can look hot again, even with the added weight. But we have gone out to dinner, we have gone to the movies, and we have gone to the mall. It hasn't helped. I am cerainly not going to get all gussied up and stay at home. I am not worried that going to the bar occasionally, or even just once every few months, would cause either of us to stray. We did go to the bar a few times back about 3 years ago, and our sex life was great during that time. There was never any temptation on my part to stray, and I don't feel there was on his. He was all over me, knowing that other men found me attractive and that I was HIS wife. There is no chance of cheating. Not in my opinion.

Answer 1

well, it may be a good thing that he does not want to go out to the bar. have you asked him to get dressed up and go out anywhere else, maybe that would help you guys.

Answer 2

First you need to consider all of the possibilities. I am a Christian and really want you to look at all of te possibilities. I'm not jumping to any conclusions about anything but if you stop to think about what COULD happen....it's a little scary. OK...you find it attractive for other women to notice your husband. "What IF" another woman or women noticed him and started pursing him....and what if he liked it. This could be a little snowflake that developes into a heck of a snowball. I know this sort of thing can happen anywhere but...people in bars are there mostly to "Find" a mate, one night stand, etc.

Why not instead go out on the town with your husband all dressed up in a limo, go to a 5 star restaurant, get a motel room, join a gym, go on a cruise and to the dress up things there.

Have you considered that you just may be horny and you are just trying to justify wanting some sexual attention or looks by going to these bars....hey...I'm not being mean here when I say this. I'm just saying it's natural to desire to be sexy and want looks so that you feel sexy. ,,,,OK? But there are other ways to feel sexy.

I hope it works out for you two. The main thing is to keep loving your husband, and you need to protect what's yours in the mean time.......going to bars might not be the best option.

Answer 3

I think that's a great idea, and I totally understand what you mean about other people checking him out being a turn on for you. My husband and I used to go out all the time, and it was fun watching other girls check him out because not only did it make him feel good, it validated that he was attractive. Now we do nothing together, I've lost all my baby weight and I'm feeling hot, but he doesn't ever want to do anything with me. I've tried getting him to go places with me, but it's hard with other commitments. I think keep trying to get him to go with you, I totally believe it will help rekindle your relationship.
Also, I've always wanted to re-enact him picking me up at the bar. Go out seperately to the same place, dress up all hot, do whatever you did when you were single, but know there's this hot guy across the bar checking you out. Hit on him, flirt, pretend you don't know each other, make out on the dance floor, whatever, but I think it would be so much fun. (by the way, the hot guy I'm talking about is your husband, I don't think it would work so well if he watched you go pick up some other guy...)

Answer 4

If definitely everyone seems to be asleep whilst he gets abode, then why DOES it count number if he hangs out together with his friends after paintings? that's in all probability the only socialization he gets in the process the week, for the reason that he somewhat sees you or the infants till the weekend. So is the undertaking that he's socializing, or that he's eating, or that he's spending money? while you're annoying he's eating too plenty, then ok, positioned your foot down approximately that. Ask him to cut back to 2 drinks. If he's spending too plenty on the bar, then agree on a cut back for that... perchance $10 according to nighttime, or a splash extra if he gets some thing to eat, too. If he's only spending time together with his friends, inspite of the indisputable fact that, then please lay off the guy. working nighttime shift SUCKS, and it may actual be lonely. the adult males he works with in all probability choose that socialization, too, yanno? Compromise by employing putting a sensible time which you need him to be abode by employing (perchance 1am), and ask him to be abode by employing that factor so which you're no longer up 0.5 the nighttime annoying approximately him. desirous to comprehend the place he's and that he's risk-free comes from a loving place, and you know he could be bothered in case you have been out great late each and every nighttime. you would be able to as nicely ask him to textual content you, "hi babe, coming abode" whilst he leaves the bar, in order that which you may comprehend he's on his way whether you already went to mattress. it fairly is a superbly honest compromise.

Answer 5

why do you have to go to a bar, why can't you dress up go to a nice restruant and to the mall to stroll around it does not have to be a bar, if you go back to a bar and men or woman start looking at you then that will start a fight cause you will think each is flirting and then it may just well end your marriage.. think a little harder before you stir up trouble you don't need.. you don't need a bar to make you feel sexy you can feel sex right in the privacy of your own home use your imagination.. if you got a good marriage now keep it that way. seems to me you got personal issue about yourself you need to work on.. dress up at home do the works makeup hair, nice outfit, when he comes home from work maybe you can coax him into dressing up as well. who says you can't have dinner at home dressed to the max instead of dressing to go out..

Answer 6

Lady, you seem to be typical. It is all about what you want, can justify and can get others to say is okay or go along with.

Look, we all want to spice things up, have fun, feel young again and relive some old times. That is one of the things about getting older. But its life.

You can play with fire only so long. Sure it excites you to have another woman want your hubby. But then either of you causing others to be tempted or causing your spouse to be tempted is a bad thing. Do you not get that? Do you not understand that you only increase the possibility of things going a way you had not intended, each time you play the odds?

Hey, do what you want. But face that it may bite you in the arss. Consider yourself warned.

Answer 7

I think it would be nice if you and your husband got dressed up and went out together...

and perhaps you could make new friends and do things with other couples.

it sounds like an OK idea you have!! everyone needs a social life and to go out and have fun with other people, and even have a romantic "date" once in a while.

i think it's great to do fun things together... that might relight the spark! I hope so.


i hope it works out for you.

Answer 8

no trust in a marriage is no good! let him read this question and maybe he will understand! if he is jealous and controlling ,he needs to stop! i am very proud of my husband and like to show him off and have a good time with him!just remember to tell him he is they one u chose till death do u part...isnt that the vows u took when u got married? just because u might get a look or two from somebody of the opposet sex doesnt mean u have the problem!

Answer 9

I dont think the bar is the answer
You know as you said you both have gained weight
and are you so sure NOW him looking is ALL HE WOULD DO.......... your marriage is safe now it seems why bring in more trouble in... ther eare marriage retreats and you do not have to be a member of a church to take these retreats. If I was over weight, AND FEELING LIKE MY MARRIAGE WAS IN THE POT
and my sex life shot to hell
the LAST THING I WOULD DO
IS parade him in front of a group of firm, young lovely ladies....
THINK ABOUT THAT

Answer 10

Instead of going to the bar why don't to 2 of you join a gym?
The gym can help you feel sexy again.