Why? Why does my child, who is normally well adjusted and well-liked by peers, teachers, and parents, come back and get into fights and act up in class for at least a month? Thank goodness he IS so well liked, or he woud have been kicked out of extended day/ daycare. It's like he has a different personality. One of the caretakers who absolutely ADORES him, said that while he was attacking her he had a look on his face as though he were possessed. I've seen it myself. I already had him in therapy and he wouldn't talk about it.
2007-03-17 03:44:50 · 7 answers · asked by lady 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Been there, done that. Document it. The differences in behavior that you observe, that his teachers observe, with dates. Try to remember all the instances in the past and log them now. Every little thing that is different. Especially if his sleep patterns are different and he has nightmares or doesn't sleep well when he gets back.
It took years to get my kids straightened out, and my middle son is still not doing well, and he is over 20. Small children believe what they are told. While I hope your situation is not the same as mine, it turned out that their father was taking them to therapy twice a month after coaching them for hours about what they were going to say happened when they were with me. Their defense was to agree to do it but when they were alone with the therapist, they told the truth. Their father had told them that if they told me they were in therapy, he would hurt them.
I only found out about it when the therapist called me to complain about not coming to a joint session and not caring about the problems with joint custody (I had full custody), The end result was court ordered therapy that didn't do much because there was a reluctance to talk.
If you kind of knew what was going on, you could ask things like 'what is going to happen if you tell me about this?' and they would answer. So, the only thing that I can suggest is either a therapist you trust or a grandmotherly type that your son can trust, convincing your child that his father (and perhaps you) are never ever going to know what they talk about, and asking the questions in such a way that he can respond. It is also amazing what they will say when you ask the right question.
If it goes on for a month, it isn't his diet when he's there, and if he is well adjusted and well liked when he is with you, it isn't some behavioural /personality problem. It could be as simple as the way things are worded when he is with his father makes him think he is at fault for the split or that you didn't love him enough to stay with his father (if someone said well, if your mom had really cared about you, she would have toughed it out, but...). Things like that have a devasting effect on a child's self image until they can get back into the normal routine of their normal truth.
Like I said, document every little thing and talk to someone, different behavior patterns point to different types of problems the child is dealing with.
And good luck.
Rowena
2007-03-17 04:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by Rowena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as a child its very important for a father figure. I'm assuming you and the father are separated. Children need someone to associate with and look up to. Role models are key. A young boy associates with his father, and loves his mother. He probably was upset that you assumed something was wrong with him. He might have asperger's syndrome, or ADHD. These things have severe behavioral effects, and can damage the child seriously. Try to get his father to take him into therapy, but dont tell him you both want it, just act as though the father is doing it independently, your son might react better.
2007-03-17 03:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably a kind of separation anxiety. I will assume that you and your child's father have split up and therefore do not live together. If you have your child all of the time it is your job to instill rules and discipline into your child. When there is another parent who does not see the child as often their aim is usually to spoil the child as a way of making up for their own feelings of guilt for not being there all of the time. Your child sounds as if he is only young and at a young age children cannot distinguish what good parenting is, only that they may get fussed over more by one. I would suggest talking to the child's father about what happens while your child is with him. Even if you are not together you can syill take a combined approach to child-rearing and this consistency will help your child more in the future also.
2007-03-17 03:53:58 · answer #3 · answered by dawn h 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your child is probably exposed to violent television or behaviors from other children that have rubbed off him. It is important to redirect his behavior and have a theoropist help you on discipling him the correct way. It isn't easy but follow a counselors advise.
2007-03-23 08:42:30 · answer #4 · answered by Joe P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like his Father is "bad mouthing" you to your son and obviously if that is the case your'e son will be very confused. Have a word with his dad and find out what's going on!
2007-03-17 03:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by Susan T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him checked from some spiritual people also, except the psychologists.
2007-03-24 00:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by cyberfantoosh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when mine come back from ANYONE it's a nightmare
2007-03-17 03:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋