My husband and I met at a bar. Once we got married we stopped going though. We have been married over 4 years and I have to admit, there are times when I would really like to get dressed up and go to the bar like I used to. We're country folks, so we used to go to country /western bars. It was just a bunch of people hanging out and having a good time. I feel like I am in a rut sometimes, because I never go out, not with my husband or with girlfriends. I wear scrubs everyday to work, so there isn't a reason to get really dressed up like I used to, and I have begun to feel very frumpy and unattractive. I don't care if my husband goes with me, but I would really like to get dressed up and go out to the bar occasionally. Is it wrong for married people to want to do that?
2007-03-17 03:38:54 · 44 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, let me reword what I said about my husband.
I meant that I don't mind him going with me. I am not trying to get away from him for the night. If he wants to go, then he can. Heck, that's where I met him, so it wouldn't bother me to hang out with my husband at the bar. I know some women don't want their husband around when they go out, but my point was that it wouldn't bother me if he went with me.
2007-03-17 04:09:41 · update #1
no..........but you and your husband should go together.
2007-03-17 03:42:26 · answer #1 · answered by ladybug 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
NO it's not wrong for you and your husband to go to a bar! And here's why (your words)......
"I feel like I am in a rut sometimes, because I never go out, not with my husband or with girlfriends. I wear scrubs everyday to work, so there isn't a reason to get really dressed up like I used to, and I have begun to feel very frumpy and unattractive. I don't care if my husband goes with me, but I would really like to get dressed up and go out to the bar occasionally."
I think you should tell your husband to take you out AT LEAST every other Friday night. The hangover the next morning will make you never want to go out again, but the fun you had and the craving for a night out should kick back in after about a week or so!
2007-03-17 03:50:23 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My wife and I don't drink but, we do love to two step. Country only for us. There is no other place to go dancing so I say absolutely not. I do know where you are in your marriage though, We were there ourselves once. I learned (fortunately before it was too late) that you have to work at being married or you will fall into a rut. It is too easy to fall into the rut of everyday life. Women are the social people that men aren't. Men go to clubs, bars, churches, and even laundrymats in search of a mate and when they find and marry the woman they desire, they think that the work is finished and they can just relax at home every night for the rest of their lives. Women still need romance and social stimulation. When we men realize this it makes things so much better in our lives. Drag your husband to the bar and make him have fun or take a few friends (women) to the bar and then let him know what he is missing. Don't try to make him jealous because this can backfire. Good luck.
2007-03-17 04:59:37 · answer #3 · answered by dadof7n2001 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the country western type, the bar you describe can be a fun place. Theres a lot of bars out there that promote single type activity and this is not good for the marriage. I think you should talk to your husband and convince him to go dancing with you once a month at the bar. Set down some ground rules so nobody's feelings get hurt, or jealousy comes out. Now that you are married you need to put your husband and his feelings first, this is part of the sacrifice. I hope you can work this out.
2007-03-17 03:44:19 · answer #4 · answered by jprofitt303 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get all dressed up and going out. But when you said "I don't care if my husband goes with me or not", now that worried me. I too like the loud music, the laughing, and having a good time, but I want my husband with me.
An occasional girl's night is just fine, safety in a group. But when a woman goes to a bar alone, especially since you are so vulernable right now, you are at risk. I am sorry, please don't be mad, but if some good looking guy started paying a little close attention, you might not see what really happening till it's too late. Ask some friends to go with you. I imagine there are others that would like to put on boots and go do the two step with you.
Why not ask your husband to go with you? Maybe do a double date with another couple. It's good that you recognize that you are in a "rut", but make sure you hang onto your husband's hand while digging yourself out, or it may lead to bigger problems then feeling unattractive.
So, go do the hair, the make-up, get the sh!t kickers on, and grab your husband's hand. If he doesn't want to go, then call the girl's. Wished I lived close, I would love to go with you. Got a brand new pair of boots that need to broken in!
God bless us all.....................
2007-03-17 03:54:03 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Of course it's not wrong! If anything it might be healthier. You should try to talk to your husband and see if you guys can rekindle a bit of fun in your lives. It's not like you have to go to a bar everyday, maybe just say once every two weeks or at least once a month you guys get all dressed up and go out and just wind down. I think that's the problem ...people get stuck in a rut..and they are unhappy but refuse to do anything about it. Get on the phone! Call some girlfriends and have a girls night out.....a girl needs to be a princess once in awhile so spoil yourself!
2007-03-17 03:59:06 · answer #6 · answered by M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, no there is nothing wrong with it. But then there isnt anything wrong in and of itself with walking into a strip club either, now is there?
Look, you have to admit that bars are higher risk places that should probably be avoided. I mean, most people dont get up one morning and decide to find someone who tempts them or find someone to have an affair with. It just happens for the most part. And it often happens because of the things people do, the places they go, the things they can justify in their own minds, etc. Look, I doubt that the only place there is to go is a bar. I am sure that you have other places that you can get gussied up and go. You might have to drive a bit further or spend a bit more, but that comes with the territory.
It isnt necessarily wrong to drive on the other side of the road for a minute either. But you have to realize that you are increasing your risks and the risks to others by doing so.
And lastly, you should care if you hubby is with you. You and he married, so do things together. Sounds like you want to get flirted with and made feel sexy. But what makes you think that something might not get out of hand? Dont bet it wont, for that is the mistake a lot have made and gotten proven wrong. Plus they hurt a mate in the process.
2007-03-17 03:53:35 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
When a married woman gets dressed up and goes to a bar by herself its sending the signals to the guys that she is available for sex.You may not like hearing that, but when you show up there dressed to the 9's without your hubby you are fair game and the temptation walks right in on you.You and your husband need to go out on a date.It doesnt necesarily have to be a bar, or it can be, but go as a couple to avoid those traps.What would happen if you start going to bars by yourself and meet a really hot guy who makes you feel attractive and special?Then things get better and better and you see him every time you go?This is what Im getting at, it CAN happen.
2007-03-17 03:45:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that married people can go to a bar. It all depends on intentions. If someone goes to dress up and have fun, then why not? Just because you are married, that doesn't mean the fun has to stop. However, I have witnessed some people taking off their rings and putting it in their pockets in the past. That is where I would draw the line.
2007-03-17 03:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by jill822 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am going to break off from the herd here and say yes. And here is why.
My wife and I were in much the same situation as you described. Well we started going out to the clubs.
It didnt take long for...you guessed it...I caught her beginning a relationship with another guy.
We nipped it in the bud and started revitalizing our relationship. Now it is strong as ever.
Lets be honest. There are 2 reasons bars/clubs exist. To drink and hook up. I am not saying that by going to the bar yoi are going to start cheating on your husband, or vice-versa. All I am saying is that if you start spending alot of time in that scene, both of you will start opening yourselves up to the bad things that come with it. Now if your relationship is rock hard and nothing can come between you, then go ahead. But if there is even the slightest crack or weakness, I would be very careful.
good luck
2007-03-17 04:02:19 · answer #10 · answered by JASON 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No it's not wrong to want to get dressed up and go out. But do it with your husband only. Remember this is how you met. So bars are off limits to attached folks unless we go with our partners!
Try getting dressed up an just going out to coffee or lunch with a friend. It makes a world of difference!
2007-03-17 03:45:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋