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I'm 22, & soon to be engaged to the man I lost my virginity to almost 1 yr ago. He thinks our sex life is perfectly fine, I don't. I'm painfully shy when it comes to mentioning it, & when I try, I feel like he shuts me down. The 2 main problems - anything/anywhere I want to try, his attitude is either "been there done that", "it's not all it's cracked up to be," or "you've only been having sex for 9(ish) months, you don't want to try everything at once, or you're gonna get bored" but I'm already bored now... very bored... the sex just feels very routine - like it starts the same and ends the same... also, he can't ever seem to last long AT ALL & I've subtly mentioned going for "round 2" but have NEVER gotten it... I've only had an orgasm MAYBE 3 times or so... and I have NO IDEA how to tell him, because I do love him more than ANYTHING, without crushing his ego, that 1) I'm not satisfied in the bedroom, and 2) 15 mins. from foreplay to finish line doesn't quite do it... PLEASE HELP!!

2007-03-17 03:22:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

Also... another little thing I need advice with... how can I get him to be romantic when it comes to sex?? Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for flowers and candles and love ballads everytime he wants some... but to elaborate on it being routine and starting the same... I'm so INCREDIBLY sick of him kind of laying on his back and waiting for me to start kissing his chest and working my way down, if you catch my drift... (I've done the lingerie thing, yeah that works, but how do I get HIM to take initiative??) Sorry for asking like, 100 questions at once, but any serious advice would be really appreciated... :-)

2007-03-17 03:30:57 · update #1

6 answers

M y first observation is that you said " when he wants to get some " do you feel that sex is mainly for his pleasure?Any way, first of all it sounds to me like you have been patient enough, it is time to simply tell him " tactfully, gently " that you don't feel like he is doing all that he can to satisfy your needs. I f you put it like this it won't sound like you feel he is incapable of satisfying you just not being open enough to your needs, that way it doesn't become a performance issue ( we are very fragile when it comes to this)Also when ever he does do something that you like, a kiss or touch in the right place make a big deal over it ( don't get too dramatic) lust make your point that you really enjoyed it, after as well so he really gets the point. When it comes to being romantic try this. Plan an evening from start to finish with dinner maybe some wine, a massage, bring some handy toys into the bedroom like feathers, whipcream, oils and just take the lead, afterwards tell him you want him to try and top that and then you can use and re-use all the different ideas over and over again later. seek out ways together to elaborate on pleasing each other. I wish you the very best.

2007-03-17 04:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by frogenstien 3 · 0 1

May be these are my opinions- please use your own judgemen after reading my words-
You may get engaged and married to a person for different reasons- like you like his personaliy or he is rich and established, or what ever reason. But the question is- Do you look only for good sex in him? Do you think he can change- if other factors are good, you could stick on to him.
But if you feel sex and communication through sex is very important, there is no point getting married to him. Absolutely no way. Sex is the most importnat thing in marriage,
If there is love in the relationship any thing can be forgiven.
But there is no point marrying a person who beyond doubt is a jerk. When you already know it, moving forward on it is plain stupid. What do you achieve by ignoring your own feelings and intuition? Not worth it.

2007-03-17 03:36:00 · answer #2 · answered by harish_usa 4 · 0 0

seems like his ego is saying, "as long as I get mine, the sex life we have is good."

you should make sure that his feelings for you are genuine and that he's not just with you because you're putting out.

as far as 15 minutes from start to finish...well...unless you take control of the situation, it will probably always be like that. If you want to try new things and he isn't willing, just keep your legs crossed for a while, I'll bet he will change his attitude.

in the meantime, there are lots of wonderful electronic devices out there... ;)

2007-03-17 03:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by Thrill K 4 · 1 1

He is very self centered, controlling and a very poor lover..
Do not get engaged to him and do not marry him as it
will probably end in a bitter divorce.

2007-03-17 03:38:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

Sounds like he is a dud lover - find someone who knows how to please you

2007-03-17 03:47:29 · answer #5 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 1 1

this IS NOT the guy for you... he's Incredibly self centered! please find someone else!

2007-03-17 03:33:30 · answer #6 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1 2

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