My BF cheated on me over a year ago and I forgave him and we worked to get passed that. I moved in with him after that and we have been living together over a year. He found out back in January that I had been talking to my exboyfriend. I never physically betrayed him, but I did betray him by lieing to him about talking to my ex. He told me that he can't get past it and that our relationship is unfixable. He said that he no longer sees me as the same person. He never thought I would do that to him. I know that he still loves me though. We spend alot of time together and we still sleep together, but there is alot less passion on his end, and he will not kiss me. My friends that know both us (male and female friends) tell me to give him time and he will come around that we are not over. I want to believe that, but I am hurting. How do I regain his trust and make him see me as the person he fell in love with instead of a liar? I love him more than anything.
2007-03-17 01:54:45 · 25 answers · asked by Ammikins 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your friends are very wise. They know that time does heal all wounds. However, there are somethings you can do to speed up the process. 1st is to let him know that you are going to do the things he would respect in a wife. Start working out (especially when he is around), put a little more pizazz into the meals that you cook, boast at the ones he cooks, dress for success isn't only for the business woman! If you have a great body, flaunt it, if not work out to get that way, show a little skin at appropriate times. Sex has been the factor that changes more men than self help books! Use it! But don't let it be the only thing you use! He'll see right through it!
2007-03-17 02:27:16 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The thing most women don't understand about a relationship is that a guy can make love with a woman for whom he has no emotions. With a woman, for the most part, she must have some emotions before she will go to bed with a guy. Not talking prostitutes and that. So a man feels betrayed when a woman goes out on him, but feels nothing like betrayal when he does the same.
Having said that, I think that since he has actually been with someone and you haven't, he should forgive you for lying to him. If you really love him though, you need to put some distance between yourself and your ex.
2007-03-17 09:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anthony F 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldnt be living with him and even moreso having sex with him.You BOTH have trust issues.He lied and cheated on you and you werent even married for yrs.What if he had given you a disease or the other girl had become pregnant or you had become pregnant or you BOTH had become pregnant?Then you snuck around talking to your ex and felt the need to lie about it.Whats up with that?You did it for a reason.He may trust you agin, but it will take a long long time, maybe a yr or 2.Then again he may use this as an excuse to cheat again.You both need to seperate and live alone for a while and start over without the sex or shacking up.Would you want to be taking care of an infant right now?Please get your tubes tied until your married.
2007-03-17 09:21:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you're not gonna want to hear this, but expect him to use this as an excuse to cheat again. It's disgusting that he can cheat, but you get your chops busted for talking to an ex. And here you are going out of your way to try and make up to him! If you are smart, you will not link yourself to this man permanently.
As far as why you did what you did (and it wasn't right), I suspect you are still angry about the cheating. When you keep a guy who has cheated, it's a fine line between trying to get out your feelings and beating a dead horse. A good idea would be to make your feelings known to him, and then get the rest out with a friend or counselor. Personally, I wouldn't even entertain keeping a cheater unless we were already married.
2007-03-17 09:02:31 · answer #4 · answered by Terri J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Come on!!!! Lieing to him about talking to your ex, and he can't get pass it. He has a problem a major one. Nothing is wrong with you girl, and nothing is wrong with talking to your ex, be strong lift your self up, give him some time and you will see what is wrong. I think that he is using the situation that you lied to him as an excuse for something. Either he needs some time OR he has someone else. You should not beat yourself up about it, if he really cares he will not behave this way. Maybe thats a clue there is someone out there who will accept you for who you are. But if you decide to continue to live with him while he is bitter to you, go girl. Life is short and beautiful enjoy it love it.
2007-03-17 09:07:39 · answer #5 · answered by Confused 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he says he doesn't trust you, then he doesn't trust you. Move on and be more honest next time around.
And for you to bring up his affair at the beginning of your question is interesting. Why'd you mention it when it doesn't really have anything to do with this instance? It's almost like you are saying, "Well, see, I have a reason not to trust HIM but I still do! Why can't he trust ME then?" But if you are still holding onto reasons you have not to trust him, then you don't really trust him.
Also, if he is still having sex with you even though he refuses to kiss you, that should be a huge alarm for you to get the hell out of the relationship. He's using you! If you can now see that he views you as good enough to **** but not to kiss, doesn't that tell you something about how he is capable of treating people? If he were refusing sex as well, then it would make sense that he was really hurt and just taking time before he could be intimate again or whatever. But he's not! He's hanging on to you until he can find a better piece of ***. Honey, dump him before he dumps you!
2007-03-17 09:10:30 · answer #6 · answered by Nivk 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he can, maybe not. It may also be a ? of if he will do so more then if he can.
Look, it seems to me that each of you need to realize something. Maybe you two need to realize that you do not belong together. Yes, you care for one another. But a person can have this kind of caring with anyone. It takes far more love and care and commitment to have a good relationship then you two seem to have between you. This relationship might be best classified as a learning experience and a lost love.
2007-03-17 10:21:39 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear ¨you¨...stop feeling that your relationship it´s not working out because you haven´t tell your BF of having conversations with your ex...that´s not the real problem here!and you are not betraying him cause of this! I really think that you have to give him space,stop seeing each other,so he can really see if he misses you and love u...because I truly think that his sentiments changed toward you, and he dosen´t know how to tell you, that´s why he´s trying to make you feel that you are the cause of the separation...I´m sorry if you love him the way you say in your letter, but I think you deserve real love, the one which is based on trust and commitment and you don´t have this with your present partner.
2007-03-17 10:21:23 · answer #8 · answered by staytrue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what YOU need to do is cheat on him! PHYSICALLY! Give him something to think about. Make sure he KNOWS that you've been intimate with someone else. Give HIM the rules that you're not putting up with any more of his shenanigans. If he can forgive you for that, then he might keep his own sexual drive in check. But I agree with other posts here that it sounds like he's revving up to cheat again on you.
2007-03-17 12:43:13 · answer #9 · answered by Candice B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
will if you want my ownest opinion it seems that you are the problem for 2 reasons first U told us the story about he cheated on you and it is not relvent your trying to reason for your self second u know that it would heart him if he knew about u and your ex or u wouldv told him about it even when u said that nothing happeneds between both of you but it seems that maby there was a plan for something to happen
my tip for you is either to take a break for a while before things get worse . or leave each other since it seems that there is no trust and you are not welling to forgive him for his mistake long time back
2007-03-17 09:04:49 · answer #10 · answered by Reasonable 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋