Why do I want her back even though she has put me through so much Pain?

Question

I met this girl a few months ago. She told me that she was tired of the way she was badly treated in her past relation (where he cheated on her, put her through a lot of pain). I decided to give it a shot with her even though was adviced not to by my closest friends. We started dating and she cheated on me a couple of times with the same ex. I always overlooked the scenario and gave her another chance after she apologized for her mistakes. We finally broke up recently and the reason was her ex once again. Am so heart broken and dont know what to do. I know her ex has been making these false promises to her and is saying exactly what she wants to hear. It has messed us up but dont know why but I still tend to miss her. Do u think she will come back. Do u feel that a chance of us getting back together exists. An honest answer is what i need. I kinda sound desperate bout her but its not that way at all. Its not that I cant start dating someone else but that I cant see her hurt again

Answer 1

I've been in the same boat as you. I know how it is to care about someone like that and not understand why. Sometimes we do stupid things, and you're doing that now. You need to realize that she doesn't care about you, and never did. She lied to you and used you. Why would you want to be with someone who has cheated on you multiple times and treated you like crap? YOU DON'T! Even if you get back together, I can guarantee you that she will hurt you again. She'll keep doing it because you let her. When a person see's that they can get away with something, they will keep doing it. You're better off just getting her out of your life completely and finding someone better. Otherwise you are going to ruin your life over a stupid girl.

Answer 2

Time heals all wounds. Seriously. Just a little time away, and I mean mentally as well as physically and you will see. If you are in a situation where you see her often, then just be cordial and ask what you can do to make her happy. Don't be romantic, just be friendly. If you aren't in a position where you have to see her often than leave her be for awhile. Everyone goes through this. I don't know of anyone who doesn't. The exact scenario may be different for each person, but everyone has the same questions sooner or later about that someone special. You're not alone on this one. There are some good answers out there, read them and decide which one sounds like the advice you would give your brother/sister/best friend.

Answer 3

This woman is in self destruct mode. she's the only person that can change that. You can't save her. It's not your responsibility. She isn't ready or able to cope with someone like you who's willing to be good to her and cares for her. Look after your own head. this can only end in tears.
You want her back because shes turned her back on you and you feel let down. maybe even negated as a person.
but you are not to blame for how shes behaved.
get a break away from her. tell yourself your going to think about her for half an hour a day at 6.30 pm say, and not anytime else. just keeop putting stray thoughts into this timetable. give yourself a break. try doing something completely different to take your mind of of her. doesn't have to be a big thing. read a book you wouldn't normally/ different type of film/ go somewhere you've never been....look after yourself.

Answer 4

If she is going to be hurt again, it will be because of her own misgivings and not because of anything you've done or can do. A person has to pick their own self up and go and unless they learn from their mistakes, they're doomed to repeat them over and over again and only get hurt over and over again for the exact same reason everytime. Is there a chance that you two would get back together? Yes in my eyes though the chances against it are stacked so high I dare not fathom it. I've been through the same thing you've been through and I would say you have to let her go, she has to own up to her mistakes and if she has any wisdom at all she'll learn from them and become a better, stronger, smarter woman because of it. But if she doesn't or can't then that is no reason why you should suffer for her and deny yourself the possibility of finding somebody new who you could be truly happy with. You can offer to help her with the pain she's going through, but she's the one who has to do the work. She has to carry her own baggage, not you.

Answer 5

What she may be doing is recreating the same situation she was in before, she may even be a little masochistic. When people are involved in an emotionally abusive relationship like that, it tends to change their perspective. Such as, she may not feel like he cares for her until he gets mad, because even though negative, that is still attention she is getting. When she got together with you everything was fine and non-abusive. She may have been so used to it, that she began doing what he had done to recreate what she is so used to. It's a psychological thing that you really cannot help. Don't be taken in by it, take your time to get over here, but do not sit around forever, do not date her again. Until she realizes what is going on, she will be in abusive relationships or create the abuse in one.

Answer 6

I know how you feel, because despite what she has done and is doing, you love her and it is hurting you not to have her with you. Love is blind. You need to spend sometime on your own, lick your wounds, and when you are stronger, then if you feel ready to face her, do so. Treat yourself gently and with love and compassion. We give these things to other people in need, but rarely to ourselves.

She probably will come back, when she works out were the good guy is, and hopefully by then, you will be dating someone else, and happy, because you sound like you deserve to be, and to be honest, it is not with her. She is learning her own lesson, the hard way by the sounds of it, and although you may not like it, it is her choice to go down this road, not yours.

Answer 7

I think you should leave this girl alone. I think she will always be one to cheat. You deserve someone better than that! The reason you still miss her is that you obviosly have a lot of feelings for her. Those feelings will fade in time and once day you will meed someone who treats you right

Answer 8

forget her at once!! its bad for you to tie down such a relation! don't you get it she is not over with her ex...if she really loves you she must stop this exchange of boyfriends...its not good to anyone special you...i know it hurts i pat for the same before, well not the same but similar, he hurt me me too with his ex, he stop talk with me... later he ask for me to forgive him and give him a second chance... i was still in love with him so i gave the second chance and we are 2 months together now...anyway, go out with new girls... do things like she did once is light, but more than one... you might want to check if she is not a whore deep inside her! good luck

Answer 9

Good luck you don't sound desperate...don't try to explain for your feelings...this girl is fucked let her go trust me....I was her before....all she cares about right now is going out getting fucked up......She tells you you are no fun..(or she will soon) trust me from a girl I know...she is using you..for money, beer, drugs whatever your thing is..you will come back to this in 2 months thinking you should have listened....
Good Luck Sweaty....

Answer 10

She may be doing this coz she thinks you may do it to her and she wants to get there before you cheat on her, I wouldnt worry about her getting hurt,she has hurt you so just move on she will learn from her mistakes,just coz she has been cheated on doesnt mean she has to do it back!!