I have been with my boyfriend for the last two years. We live together. We're talking about marriage, children, etc. His mother and father treat me like I'm already part of their family. I'm expected to come to theirs for Christmas, I get phone calls from them on my birthday. I get the feeling that they are really looking forward to grandchildren. So all a happy family, right? Wrong, my boyfriend's sister doesn't want me around. I have been told by my boyfriend that she really has never liked any of his past girlfriends and actually, I'm about the only girlfriend of his that she is cordial to. This weekend is Mother's Day (UK). My boyfriend decided to go visit his mum. I thought I should come because well I wanted to show his mum some appreciation and support. But his sister got annoyed and asked him "Why can't this just be a family weekend?" He didn't know what to do. So I saved him and said I wouldn't come. Now, I feel resentful. How should I deal with her in the future?
2007-03-16 23:13:35 · 15 answers · asked by Steph717 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like your boyfriend and his sister were close growing up and she's a little jealous that you've been taking up some of their time together. These feelings are natural for a sibling and over time they will learn to accept the fact that the world doesn't revolve around their bother/sister friendship. She will learn to understand that more when she finds herself in a relationship, in the meantime, make sure that the two of them still get to spend time together to reassure his sister that her brother isn't completely out of her life. Don't worry, everything will be fine. Keep doing what you're doing.
2007-03-16 23:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by Mystery_Woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stephanie, kudos to you for still being polite to your future sis-in-law. The answer is, continue on being polite. If you put democracy into practice with your current situation, you will see that the majority really rules, and that she is the only person who thinks otherwise. Your prospective sis-in-law is still living "in the good ole days when it was just us." All people actually go through this phase in life when they have to confront a major change in the family (for example, marriage of a sibling, moving away of a family member, divorce or separation of parents, etc..) The thing is, different people have different reactions when it comes to change. Understanding her is key to your situation. My advice is, just give her time, keep your steady cool, treat her as a friend, and everything will turn out all right. Come to think of it, it might not be long when you and your hubby move out and have a place of your own. Or, if you're not moving out, his sister would probably marry in the near future and then everything will settle into place. Don't be afraid that she won't wake up to reality, everyone does.
2007-03-16 23:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by Dowland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest a conversation is in order. First tho a question .Did you hear her ask that question? Make sure it wasn't a bit twisted unintentionally. If you make the point of how happy you are with all his family in front of all his family (including Sister) at a time when all are attentive(like at a meal when all are at the same spot and you may have all the attention by ASKING FOR IT) and saying how you appreciate their loving acceptance of you.
Somehow in the back of my mind . I see another situation. Perhaps your not married because He doesn't want marriage and maybe HE wanted this " just to be a family weekend" after all you said you are certainly entitled to be "family"
2007-03-16 23:29:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not problem about them. that's no longer their decision, that's yours. you're sufficiently old to make your human being judgements and to understand what you want. If it does bypass downhill, you should both be able to be adults once you should work out one yet another. they're likely basically demanding, in undemanding words time will convenience them. For the list I actually have a sturdy buddy. She's married, and her sister is married to her husbands brother...(does that make experience??lol) Soooo truly, there is no longer some thing incorrect with that problem in any respect:-)
2016-12-02 03:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are plainin on getting married then you your boyfriend and his sister need to sit down and have a talk about why she does not like you and tell her how you feel about her brother and that she mean as much to you as the rest of his family
2007-03-16 23:18:04 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your boyfriend how you feel ask him to talk to her in the mean time kill her with kindness. Without making it obvious what you are doing. If she makes fun of you laugh with her, if she says you got on an ugly shirt humm a bit then agree. She will look like the idiot and eventually get the message! good luck:)
2007-03-17 01:46:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, at the end of the day.. you have to remember your dating him, not his family. not everyone is going to like you, and obviously if you've gotten this far, he's not too concerned. There really isn't a way to approach this without her being offended, and she is already set against you. you can choose to spend your relationship making her happy, or you happy. And if eveyone likes you but her.. her whining will be ignored anyway.
2007-03-16 23:20:43 · answer #7 · answered by Sucre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your bf that needs to put her on the right track. He should sit her down one day and tell her you are as good as family.
When she said that about 'family weekend' he should have picked her up on it there and then and put her in her place.
It is for him to do this. You just be your own sweet self and smile at her. There is no need for you to answer her, his family should straighten this situation.
2007-03-16 23:19:08 · answer #8 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell that relationship killing sister that you're here to stay and she's going to have to deal with it. In fact your boyfriend should tell her...if he loves you he should say something. Two years and she's still not over it?
I think maybe this has something to do with way before you and him.
Maybe she's jealous because him and her were close before he starting dating...
2007-03-16 23:21:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you prettier than her? do you dress better than her? maybe she feels a bit threatened by you! on the serious note i think she loves her brother too much that she doen't want to see him hurt, you should try talking to her or get your boyfriend to talk to her, because if you are thinking of being patr of this family in the future, you should be in favour with everybody else! goodluck
2007-03-16 23:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋