My niece(4) has started to talk about killing, saying rasist comments, and calling people fat, is it a stage?

Question

She is four and just moved from her mothers house to her fathers six months ago. Her mother is a responsible parent and cant understand the behavior. She was just kicked out of a daycare for not listening and hitting. The doctor said it's not add, what should we do?

She moved because her mother started a new job and works alot. We thouht it would be a good home( church twice a week grandparents in the house). When we ask who she heard say those things she says her teacher, grandme, the church or her mom. She has started to lie alot also. She will throw trash on the floor and when you ask if she did it she says no. We have tried to talk to her about it and tried time out but the behavior is getting worse she stated wetting herself at pre-school now.

Answer 1

That does not sound like a stage. It sounds like she has been around someone who talks like that. Not saying it was a parent. It could have been another child or someone left her in the room during a late night TV show. Talk to the girl about where she heard this from. Once you find the source, you can eliminate it from her life.

Answer 2

you have a big issue here but yoyu mustn't combined the small issues together they must be delt with seperate . first thing is the fact that she's four years old no child knows the diffrence between the truth and a lie at that age and don't expect her to admit to doing something wrong SHE IS 4 not 14 sorry to be so harsh but it's the truth
second yes children her age pick up on all adult convosations so some one she has been in contact with has said some things that shouldn't have been over heard by a child and repeted. the hitting is a stage tell her to use her words to tell you what she wants. if it's still happening then i can be confident in saying that some one that has regular contact with the child is hitting/ smacking her when she does some thing wrong . well that person has no right to do that it's against the law to hit a child so make sure thats not the case.

Answer 3

Of course it's not ADD, and even if she had ADD, that is a physical handicap.
The racism is a learned attitude, huge difference.
Children are not born hating a certain color or body type, these things are picked up from others, and she has obviously had exposure to some horrible influences.
Look at it this way, if you don't get some solid (Christian, in my experience) counseling, her heart will continue to harden & this is just the begining of the social consequences.
Nip it in the bud, that's what you should do.
It takes a lot of bad behavior & the exhaustion of many disciplinary approaches to get kicked out of pre-school.
This is serious and should be treated as such.
And please don't fall for the "she needs Prozac" approach. She likely doesn't , & I have watched many a well meaning parent lose years of precious time with bad behavior settling in permanently as they waited to hit upon the "right" medication instead of dealing with the root causes.
Call a decent, respected & well known few churches in your area to ask for references for PROFESSIONAL counseling. A lay person or well-intended minister isn't going to be equipped to root this out.
Hang in & keep pursuing good help, you'll all be happier that you did, and her life's course will be positively altered in a huge, huge way.

p.s. Ask her if she's ever seen a TV show called "Jerry Springer". That would contain all those elements you describe. Does she have a TV in her room?

Answer 4

In my opinion, the doctor was wrong to say it's "not odd." What kind of BS is he/she trying to pull. A child should not be talking like that in any case. By what you wrote, I would guess she is lashing out at being forced to leave her mother's care, but she needs to be taught that that kind of behavior is innapropriate. Make her have a LONG time-out or go to bed early when she does stuff like this. If that stuff dosn't work, start taking things away from her. If it keeps going, take her to a shrink, last resort only. Finally, DO NOT, NO MATTER WHAT, lighten up on her after cracking down. Then she may think that she has power over you.

Also, if she keeps wetting at preschool, make her ware diapers there. She'll most likely hate it and stop her wetting after getting teased a few times (I know it sounds mean, but she has to learn).

Answer 5

This is not normal or a stage. The more I read the more of a red flag was thrown up. Someone in her life is teaching her these things. It could also be an attention getting device for something else that is going on. Instead of reacting harshly, the best thing to do is maintain a normal tone of voice and sit down and ask her why she would say that? I went through something with my nephew that shocked me when he said it and it was the babysitter who was cursing and negative. When everyone freaked out when he repeated these words, he reacted to the attention. They need to be taught that they can receive positive or negative attention from the adults in their life and the negative comes with consequences like toys or things taken away until they earn them back. When my nephew felt neglected by his dad he would start up again and when my sister explained to him about people talking about him and saying things she was able to turn it around and he has not had any relapses. The important thing to remember is that she was not born like this and as frustrating as it is and discouraging, never give up on a child that needs you. Good luck, she is already fortunate to have an aunt that cares!

Answer 6

Children imitate the adults around them. She is not picking these comments out of thin air, she heard someone say them and now she is just regurgitating what she heard. If she lives with a racist bigoted family and/or friends then she will just absorb all the trash they talk around her and imitate their actions and words. Garbage in, garbage out. This is a very delicate and important time in the formation of her character and personality, you need to mould her into a responsible citizen so I suggest you tell her parents to do something about it. Either it is them that act responsible towards you but make bigoted statements behind closed doors or the television is corroding her mind. Do something now, before she is a rebellious teenager and it's too late. Don't let her be exposed to this kind of behavior or she will someday practice it.

Answer 7

Why did she move? What is she watching over there? Is her dad not paying attention?

Is this how her dad is?

Her mom needs to sit down with her and explain that saying those things are NOT good.

The 'fat' comments - most kids do make - but not usually about racism or killing.

The racist comments - if they are negative - then it's bad. If it's calling someone brown (as a descriptive word ya know) it's not really a bad thing.

And she needs to be told that killing is bad.

Answer 8

She has to be hearing the those horrible things from someone, so figure out who it is and tell them that they need to stop talking like that in front of your neice. As for the not listening and kicking she may be showing some anger from the sudden change in her life. From living with her mom, and then moving to live with her dad. That can be a very traumatic thing for many children.

Answer 9

Thats not good .. shes getting it from someplace ... and somone should not be talking like that awround a 4 year old

I'm a little more worried about her wetting herself ... somtimes it can be signs of bigger things .. If you can .. ,
talk to a teacher in her old preschool she might be able to help sort out the meenings of your neice bad behavior
Or a doc that you know ... ask him this what this behavior
meens . Or try Web md they have alot of helpfull information
.. somthing sounds wrong ... .. but my advice is to get to the bottem of it ASAP!!!!!

Answer 10

Children mirror others, so perhaps you should monitor the people she is around for a while, and see if the problem disappears.
Hitting as a small child is normal. When I was little I was a brat, I can honestly say. But, I grew out of it, and people say I'm one of the most polite people they have ever met.