I have this amazing friend who just happens to be a guy. over the years we got really close and seriously considered dating. but with our age it didnt seem appropriate. i hate to say it, but im a very conservative person. When i found out that he drinks alcohol sometimes, i flipped out. Its not something i approved of and i felt like he was screwing up his life. So i made him an ultimatum. I told him that if he wants to be with me in the future, he cant have any alcohol. He seemed to accept this for a while, but today i found out that he was part of a beer run and got an MIP (minor in possession).He knows how much i hate stupid people behind stupid decisions. Did he do this because he doesnt like me anymore? or can there be a different reason. im at a loss of words. i feel like its an attack on me. am i a fool to think that he ever cared? By the way we are 15.
2007-03-16 20:32:49 · 10 answers · asked by Violet J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Violet, I find it very impressive that you, at fifteen, have such a strong opinion about something that is increasingly becoming the norm among teens today.
I wanted to tell you that I do not think that this guy you are talking about likes or dislikes you any more or less because of his actions. Unfortunately that is the lifestyle that he has chosen for this time in his life. I would imagine that the people he hangs out with drink, and that is why he drinks. It is the cool thing to do in the opinion of his peers. I just wand you to know that while I don’t know you or him or everything about you situation I do know this; you cannot change him unless he wants to change. Giving him an ultimatum was an attempt to get him to stop drinking if I’m not mistaken and while I understand where you are coming from, because I have been there before, I have learned a very hard lesion; that no mater how much you care about someone all you can do is pray for them and be there for them as only a friend can be, and one day when they are ready they will ask for help to change.
Good luck, my prayers are with you.
~Michelle (26)
2007-03-16 20:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? It seems like a really stupid ultimatum, to be blunt. Teens will be teens and this does not reflect on you at all! If you really do like him, think about being more practical! I'm sure when he did this, he really didn't mean for you to find out. He probably really likes you, but also wants to have fun and be a teenager! You gotta loosen up a bit and live life. Having some alcohol is OK, you should start being worried when someone becomes and alcoholic! Guess what? Teenagers ARE going to make stupid decisions! Just because you are trying to be mature does not mean everyone can! People have to learn by making mistakes! Try to understand the situation more and be there for him, if you really feel that he is being completely irresponsible (i.e. getting so smashed that he can't wake up and make it to school), then talk to him about it and tell him how you feel!
2007-03-16 20:40:47 · answer #2 · answered by zeonchar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately most guys at that age seem to do whatever their friends do. It sounds like this guy you like has some bad friends who might be influencing his decision. Keep in mind, I am not saying this is an excuse, just an explanation. He is waaay too young to start getting trouble with the law, especially for alcohol. I commend you for caring about your friend so much as to ask him to not get into alcohol related trouble, but you cannot see this as a direct attack on you. You love your friend, and I think you should remain steadfast about your decision to distance yourself from undesirable elements and try to convince him to do the same. I'm sure he cares about you, he just may not be mature enough to realize that his actions have direct consequences on his immediate and long term future. I'm sure with this MIP he will realize it. I hate to say it, but if he's been having trouble dealing with deviant behavior, getting an MIP might be what's best for him. Good luck with your friend.
2007-03-16 20:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by keenpeach25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Ultimatums at 15?? Never do an ultimatum, it never works (I know this from both sides) you can't force someone to do what you want. Talk to him about his decision making as a friend. Ask him if he realizes the effects of his actions. Remember you're not dating, he is very free to make his own decisions. Plus 15 is a hard age. How does a 15 year old boy tell his friends 'Sorry I can't drink, I promised a girl I wouldn't'
2007-03-16 20:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by arzachel81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for him to kick the habit totally. Not that he doesn't care about you. To be fair, try to meet in between. Tell him although you disapprove him drinking due to health or whatever reasons, you'll hope he'll drink less. Be a casual drinker instead of alcoholic. It's hard for a man not to touch alcohol at all. Not practical. What's more important is exercise self-control.
2007-03-16 20:39:49 · answer #5 · answered by Queenie Tay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD! You are wayyyyyy! To young to be dealing with a situation like this. I suggest that you leave this guy alone and focus on you and your life, yes, you may care about this person but you need to run and run fast you have no idea what type of hell you are about to be in. This guy is obviously older than you and he has a problem, you do not have the wisdom or knowledge to deal with this guy. RUN! RUN LIKE HELL! Guess what? You will eventually join him in his daily booze runs because you seem like you are all in. Good Luck!
2007-03-16 20:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by mdboomskwad.mc4u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, you are too young, try not to be so serious about your re lationship. There are a lot of nice guys out there. As for your question, I think that guy likes you but it just that he can't control himself for the vices, may be because of his peers. Anyway he might not be serious about you, he just treats you as a friend. Go and be friends to others, and enjoy yourself
2007-03-16 20:40:44 · answer #7 · answered by Sabrina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't be silly he didn't do this to you he did it to himself. he is in big trouble. most teens do stupid things and one day they grow up and mature into responsible adults. instead of saying i told you so call him and tell him you heard what happened and you are there for him if he needs a friend to talk to. i am sure he realizes now what a stupid decision he made.
2007-03-16 20:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by misse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you like it or you don't. You can't change him, whether he has a problem or not, and I'm not sure he does. You just don't approve. Take it from there.
2007-03-16 20:38:35 · answer #9 · answered by Huguenot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on your 15 and he dose not want to help himself.
2007-03-16 20:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by mo1979ca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋