what should i do when abusive mother knock on my door?

Question

My mother was the most abusive person in my life, she constantly put me down when i was a kid, slapping and hitting was a daily routine, i've moved out 6 years ago. I tried to have a relationship with her by visiting her and calling her, however her constant criticism never stopped, she says things like 'you are ugly compare to others', 'it was good that i beat you while you were young' or 'you may never get inheritance if i don't like you' etc, she just have to ruin every interaction i have with her, so 7 months ago i've decided to cut her off my life compeletly, no more visit or calling, i've also changed my phone number. Now she comes to my home twice a week and knock on my door, lucky i was at work, she leave food and vege outside my door with sweet notes, what should I do with this crazy woman? if she hates me so much, why bother to be nice to me now?

Answer 1

Yes, she probably hates you more so than anyone on Y/Q&A could imagine. Don't ever talk to her again....maybe she'll have a heart attack or get into a car accident and be out of your life forever.

Answer 2

It's probably not that she hates you. Some people just have difficulty expressing their feelings. If this is the first time you have ever stood up to her, it may have made her think back on some of the things she's done. Though she had no right to treat you that way, you may have taken the first step in creating some boundaries. You have to teach people how they can treat you. It sounds like she's tring to offer an olive branch, and maybe she will try to change and show you some respect. Sometimes it's hard to forgive. But, if things don't work out in the end, at least you will know in your own mind that you tried. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 3

Can you move.? If yes, then do that and do not leave a forwarding address.

When she leaves you something either throw it away give it away for have it returned to her.

Do you want her to know you want no more contact with you.? If so, then leave her a note. The 'to whom it may concern' kind.

It is not written anywhere that says we have to talk to our parents after we move out. So do not feel bad that you do not want to have any contact with yours. Maybe your life will be happier without her. She also might come to realize what a bad parent she was and change.

Try not to leave the door closed forever. She might turn around and be a desent person some day.

Answer 4

What a strange coincidence. I am in the same position you are in.

I grew up with my grandparents and I never met my mother or even heard from her until she decided to finally take me under her "care". I was 14 years old when I first met my mother and she was a total nightmare. She and I have never hugged. I can honestly tell you right now that I was longing to hug her and meet her. I always imagined my mother as, well, a mother. I have always wanted to see how my mother looked like and how she is. But she was everything but a mother.

I endured the same hurtful criticims, endured emotional, mental, and physical abuse from her and my stepfather. I went under tremendous hopelessness from the day I stepped foot in her house until the day I was finally free. It was an extreme experience in my life where everything happened to me was hard to believe. I came from my grandparents' loving home and knew no kind of cruelty that my own mother has put me through.

But I have to say that the experience made me into a better person. I see life in a different perspective and I understand people that has gone through similar experiences. And that a family isn't always the typical happy family that others are blessed with.

I did the same thing. I cut her off for a whole year and she made it difficult for me by doing the same things your mother is doing.

All I can tell you right now is that I gave my mother a second chance. But unfortunately, there is only so much I can do. Even after the second chance I gave her, she has managed to ruin everything I had going for myself (She made me quit my job in promises that she will provide everything I need, she has convinced me to take business management, even though I had no interest in it and had one year left in Nursing by telling me she will pay for the school related bills, she said she'll help me pay for my new car but screwed me over and buried me in debt instead) and even after the massive demonstration of patience, understanding, and what love is, she has seen nothing but an opportunity to try and control me again.

My advice is, people deserve second chances because you just never know what you could be missing. It's hard work to make any relationship work. You will be proud of yourself when you honestly know you have tried your best despite the foreboding feelings you might get. She is obviously dealing with problems of her own. You can try and be there for her and hope that she will be a better person because of you. But always know your limits and know when enough is enough. Some people do not understand the importance of second chances and you can only do so much. I have realized that there is nothing else I can do for my mother. My mother needs to grow up on her own and not hinder my own growth.

Hope everything works out with you. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm sorry you are going through this, but ooh boy can i relate to it. First of all never stop loving your mother and always try to give her respect, and when i say that you can give love and respect from a distance. You have to do whats right for you. Her coming to you like that is a sign of guilt and she knows what she did to you was wrong,let her come you can let the visits be short. Kindness will hurt more than you every no to a person that knows they have done wrong by you cause they want know how to to take you, she's your mom and if it wasn't for her giving birth to you you wouldn't be here today to experience this lesson. It's hard but just remember what the bible teaches that we are to honor our father and mother. Me and my mom are the same way she always down rate me, tell me what i should've,would've,could've done but never nothing nice an encouraging. She has called me the b word, beat me too almost like you so i no how it is, an its hard for me even now to talk or even be around her but i believe in God and me hating my mother is not pleasing to him he said" he will make your enemies your footstool" and i know i must forgive her for what she has done to me and im trying. I say to you live your life for you don't worry about what someone thinks about you or say to you,cause we all have to give account on what we do. Do the right thing

Answer 6

Maybe she has some kind of mental problem that has never been diagnosed. She obviously needs help. Or maybe she is just repeating a cycle of abuse which still would require some medical attention. If I were you, I would let her know this and let her know that you cant be around her until she seeks this help because it hurts you too much. Please end this cycle now!!

Answer 7

I recommend getting counseling mutually, this way you could confront her and tell her what's with regards to you, with the help and proposals of the counselor. you at the instant are not a toddler, hence enable her understand no longer too handle you like one. she will no longer abuse you, you have your person existence, and if she does not want to reason and "get alongside" with you than she ought to have not have been given something too do with you. yet you will possibly be able to desire to recollect, sometime you will no longer have your mom, and you will experience sorry approximately no longer having plenty to do along with her. no count number how plenty anger and hate you experience for her now, you will possibly be able to desire to objective to get alongside. i do no longer understand of yours or your mothers history, yet there might desire to be some explanation for her being abusive in direction of you and favoring your sister etc .. for this reason you like counseling mutually.

Answer 8

maybe she do sent hate you, maybe that's the way she was raised and she don't know any better, have you ever tried talking to her? explain to her that you are an adult and you need for her to respect you if she still wants to be apart of your life. i was in the same situation but now that I'm older i understand why my mother treated me the way she did, i forgave her before she died when i was 21

Answer 9

i would send her a note and tell her that you love her but are not willing to live with her abuse anymore. tell her unless she gets help and changes you are not willing to subject yourself to her abuse. you need to get some councelling so that you do not pass this abuse on to your own children one day.
she is only being sweet because she is trying to get back in your graces so she can go back to torturing you. she has nobody to take her anger out on so she has to get you back in her life.
i am proud of you for having the guts to move out and leave the abuse behind. i will be praying for you and your mom.

Answer 10

When a person finally gets self esteem and stands up for themselves and the abuser realizes they risk losing them-that is when they will start being nice to minimize that risk.