How would you feel about your boyfriends female friend(s) coming to the hospital to see your baby?

Question

My boyfriend has a a couple of female friends most of which he has grown up with, one in particular is his "play sister" and he asked if I was going to let her come to the hospital and see the baby. I hadn't said anything to him yet but I haven't even met her and at first didn't even feel comfortable about the relationship he has with her b/c he said they had tried to be more than just friends at one point and time but didn't want to ruin the friendship that they have. She has a kid already and one on the way but my question is would you feel comfortable with that and why or why not? What would you do? My thing is I haven't met her or even talked to her but yet she's supposed to be his "sister". I am going to induce on Tuesday and I just don't really know how I feel about that yet.

Just for the record I never said he couldn't just wanted to know what others thought and no I'm not having friends up there just fam. and no she's not with the father of either of her children nor is she in a relationship. I just haven't addressed the question yet, no big deal.

Answer 1

I would say NO, you can wait until I am home, why would he want someone who isn't family, although he says that they are his family, but besides that to interupt you when you are in labor/trying to rest afterwards. I would tell him to wait and that they can come over to the house after you and baby are well rested and up for seeing people. He should be concerned with how you are doing and not if his friends can see the baby.

Answer 2

If it were me, I wouldn't want to meet anyone new after just having a baby. You will be tired, in pain and hormonal....not the best time to make a first impression.

If this friend is a lifelong friend, it is understandable that your boyfriend would want her to meet you and the new baby. It is also understandable that you wouldn't want to meet at the hospital, fresh from the most physically demanding thing you will ever do.

Since she has a child already and is pregnant with another, she might be able to answer questions and offer advice to you both about labor, delivery and parenting. Its possible that she could become your friend, as well as his "sister".

Explain to him and to her that you would like to meet, but just before you have the baby or not until a week or so after you come home. The new baby will demand a lot of care and attention, that will be a hectic time of change for you both. You will also need time to recover and get used to being a mom.

I am a married woman, mother of three and most of my friends are men. I just happen to get along with guys more so than women. I love my husband and would never fool around with my guy friends. It is entirely possible that they are just close friends with no "benefits". I wouldn't worry too much about the friendship unless they give you a real reason to worry.

Answer 3

I understand what you are going through.I have some opinions/options for you. Make a plan w/with your boyfriend to meet her BEFORE you are in the hospital . Then strictly based on your feelings at the time. Decide and tell your boyfriend as soon after as you know. I would NOT recommend having anyone visit in the hospital that you cannot be quite relaxed and comfortable with. Not good for you or the baby. On the other hand ,if you like her it would be her great honor to be there if she is already a mom she will understand either way but you would have the best foot forward to what may be a new friend.(after all it's a womanly time.)

Answer 4

I would ask to meet her before I was induced and then set up a time for her to stop by when the baby comes home from the hospital. You are going to be extremely tired and very emotional after you have the baby. The last thing you need is to be worrying about your boyfriend"s "sister". tell him you want this to be a special time for you, him, and your families. Let him know that there will be plenty of time for friends to see the baby when you get home. ....Side note: if your uncomfortable with the friendship address it. It could all be in your hormones. Let him know how you feel but don't accuse. If he told you all about the relationship between them then you probably have nothing to worry about. Good luck.

Answer 5

I've been on the "play sister" end, and it's not that comfortable, either. As for me, I never had a relationship with my friend and we had grown up together since we were about 5. I'm still uncomfortable around his wife, but that's mainly because she's never been that friendly towards me, and every time I tried to start a conversation, she either ignored me or changed the subject. So I gave up. But I hate that, too, because I love their little boy. At any rate, if I were you, I would tell your bf that you're not that comfortable with her coming to the hospital, and you would prefer her to visit when you go home and get settled. That way you're more relaxed and open to get to know her. Bottom line--go with what you feel. You don't have to accept her if you don't want to, but I think you should at least give her a chance, as long as you're comfortable with her being around your bf.

Answer 6

If there is a nursery where the baby can be viewed, then why not. you won't have to see her if you don't want to . If there is no nursery, then explain that you would like the first few days to be family only(this means you can't let your friends come either) but after you and the baby have rested at home, then maybe you can all meet and go out to lunch(this way the friend isn't in your house with you feeling uncomfortable.) If you are feeling up to it though, allow her to come. This could be a great time to meet her, and you never know you might actually like her(worked out with my husband and one of his friends from high school. She turned out to be really nice and even brought the baby a gift)

Answer 7

u will be in the hospital a few days if she wants to drop by look at the baby and drop off a gift, i dont see the harm....she dont need to be there on the actual "birth" day, it dont seem that serious. you will not want the first time u meet her to be that day either, you will be goin thru enuf.

i have couple "play brothers" and i meet their serious girlfriends especially if one were to become THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD i would definitely meet her. long befor the birth of the child.
does he have no other support coming? the hospital isnt the place to be having all kinds of ppl show up. its usually just ur closest support group be that family or what. and she don seem too close if she can take the time to meet u.....

was there a baby shower, why wasnt she there? these are the types of things u do if u become an "auntie"(play aunt).

Answer 8

I am a single mother. I dont see a problem with it. What would you gain by saying no she cant come? besides a fight and/or confirmation that you are jealous and dont trust him? If this girl will see the baby later, then why not let her see the baby in the hospital. a few days, months or years wont make any difference in that sense. life if short, dont waste your energy on being insecure....this can be your first "lead by example" for your child....even if he/she is too little to understand it could come back in 15yrs that you would not let Daddys friend come to the hospital and thats why all hell broke loose and why Daddy wont talk to either of you anymore.....I am taking it to the extreme but it could happen. Besides, would you teach your child to shun others because they didnt know enough about them? or to treat people different based on a relationship you think they may have had with someone?? or to judge a person before they even know them? Its not a good thing to teach a child these behaviors.

Answer 9

This day is ONLY about YOU & the BABY! My biggest question to him would be "Why haven't I met her before?" makes you wonder especially when your preggo. I would go with your GUT instinct. If you don't want her there just explain that you would rather see her at your house after a few days of being home already and getting adjusted. Someone had mentioned above it's his decision too guess what NOT! This isn't about the dad & if he throws a fit in your delivery room you can have HIM thrown out too!-per ALL nurses Good Luck with your decision & having your precious little one!! ~T~

Answer 10

i would just tell ur boyfriend that honsetly u would rather "friends" come see u and the baby when u get home and settled in a lil bit. Not to be mean but u really want the time in the hospital to relax and u and him bond with ur baby. Tell him close family members such as moms and dads are welcome but when it comes to people u personnally dont know very well, ur just not in to that for the hospital setting. U could even talk to the nurses when ur boyfriend isnt around and explain the situation to them, they would be more then happy to take on the bad role so u arnt the one to blame. As a mother i understand ur feelings and even just having close family there all the freeken time can get annoying not to mention people u dont even know!! Dont come across harsh to ur man, rather try to explain calmly in away that isnt offensive to him and his growing up bond he has with this other woman. That issue is another topic totally for me anyway lol but i feel u totally. The main issue here is that u want and need time to urself with the baby to get familure with ur new role as mommy. He should be understanding. If not.....id kick him out too! LOL just playen. really just try to be understanding of his feelings as well but over all YOU are the one who just had the baby and need YOUR time alone. That is includeing family as well. good luck and God Bless

Answer 11

If this is an important friend to your bf, he should introduce you to her. However, it might be poor timing to introduce her right now. You probably have lots of horomonal things going on and might not be feeling your best. You sound like you're feeling vulnerable and insecure right now. I don't know if you have any reason to feel that way, but the fact is you DO feel that way. You can't help how you feel.Tell him you'd like to meet her, but not right now. If she comes up to look at the baby through the nursery window, fine, but no visit at this time. Tell him you'd like to meet her after you get home and are comfortable with taking care of your baby. If he's a good man, he'll respect your feelings about this.