How can I avoid giving my children idle threats?

Question

Today I heard parents give their kids idle threats. It got me thinking that one day, my daughter will be at that age that I'll be frustrated enough to 'threaten' my kid. I remember my own parents doing this! Examples:

"if you don't behave, I'll chop you up and cook you in a big pot!"
"stop it kids or I'll kick you out of the car and drive off!"
"fine, be that way, I'm going and leaving you!"

We all joke about it as adults but I really remember how scared and hurt I was when I was young. You believe everything you hear, especially from god-like grownups called mom and dad. I don't want to do that to my kid but I can see myself doing it if when she throws her first tantrum.

Any advice of avoiding giving an idle threat out of pure frustration?

Answer 1

give clear doable choices "leave now or you'll lose tv time this weekend" and stick to it. make it sensible. threats are harsh and sometimes hurtful and cause more negative reactions as time goes by. you'll do great.

Answer 2

Well sometimes parents joke and threaten something silly, just to get the kids' attention and as a warning. But for serious consequences, you must think before you speak. Don't react to your frustration or anger, but calmly tell your child what the consequence will be, and make sure it's DOABLE, you have no idea how much you might regret a punishment that lasts a week for a young kid, say 5 years old, so start out small, with small time frames. Take a toy away for a day, see how it works. You can always escalate the punishment, but to back out of one is much worse, because then the child thinks they can bargain with you! Also, if you do get upset, yell, or act inappropriately, it is OK to apologize to your child for your inappropriate behavior. You can say, "I'm sorry I lost my temper, mommy should have had better control, but sometimes when you whine it's hard for mommy to stay calm." and leave it at that. Don't take away the discipline, but apologize for poor behavior. That will take away the 'god' like syndrome very fast. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Its real simple....you have punishments for certain behavior and you threaten them with those. I think its a bad idea to use "idle" threats because they will eventually get old enough to figure out that you were bluffing and then your credibility is shot. If you threaten your kids with a punishment that they know is realistic and that they know you will follow through on, its much more effective.

For my kids, the punishment is different for each child. The oldest will behave and do chores etc if I threaten to take her phone and internet access. The middle kid would rather clean her room and do homework while practicing manners than be grounded. The youngest will behave like a perfect little gentleman if I threaten to take away his cartoons.

Another tip is that you can't keep making threats, you have to follow through. If you threaten a punishment and don't actually punish, the threats will eventually go in one ear and out the other.

Answer 4

Don't ever make a threat you are not willing to follow through with. When a parent threatens (spanking, time-out, or something unrealistic) and they do not follow through, the child has no sense of trust that the parent will actually do what they said. Just like promises, if you promise ice cream for a good deed and don't follow through, then you child has no reason to believe you will do what you say in the future.

How many times have you heard a mother say, "I have told you 4 times if you do that again you are going to get a time out!" Why on earth have you told the child 4 times??? If you tell a child that the next offense will warrant a consequence, then by God you better be willing to uphold that.

Over time your child will learn that you mean what you say and they will respond to the warning without the need of a punishment.

You controlling what you threaten will be the key to success. If you are throwing out things like, "If you don't clean your room then I am going to throw away all your toys." you will get no where. Your kid is smarter than that. They know dang well you are not going to throw out their stuff. So they have no reason to follow the instruction you have given. If you are going to threaten it, you have to be willing to DO it.

So keep it in check when you open your mouth and get ready to threaten something.

Answer 5

First off the only threats you should be making to your kids are ones of actual punishments you are going to do (get your butt spanked, time out, no dinner or desert or whatever, no TV time etc) then if the behavior continues follow through right away and keep the same punishment for the next time. By keeping the same punishment the child will then know that if that behavior continues they can expect to be grounded or whatever. This will make them think twice about doing it. I don't know about some of the threats you listed since my parents never used them. I was always told that we would for instance go back out to the car or to the bathroom (which meant a butt spanking). As for the I am going to leave you if they act like they don't want to go act like you will leave them, most kids up to a certain age don't want to be left alone. If it continues then do as suggested above and set a real punishment for their lack of obedience.

Answer 6

Easy. Sit down and decide what the REAL threats are and indoctrinate yourself with them. Decide what is the correct punishment for a situation, and use THAT as your threat. In other words, just tell the truth. Practice telling the truth in everything you do, and it will become even more natural. Then when you're frustrated, you'll know what to yell: "If you don't behave, you are going to lose your television privileges." Or "Stop it kids or you are not getting any dessert for the rest of the week!" When in doubt, just say "You'll be in trouble." Which leads to the next important step...

Here is the catch: you have to follow through. Don't let the "threats" be idle. Make them be real. If they KNOW that you are not kidding, they'll behave eventually. Consistency is the key to raising your kids. Decide ahead of time what the punishments are. Then consistently refer to them... and follow through. If you stick to it, it works. They'll behave, and you'll never have to lie to them or hit them ever again.

Well... almost never. :-)

Answer 7

Lol, that cook you in a pot thing made me laugh... cause I do that one.

One time, around 3 years old, I was out of my mind, at my wits end, and said something to that effect. And my daughter took it seriously. I could see it in her face, and it broke my heart. So I quickly elaborated on it, said something like I was going to cook her toes too, with carrots and cat tails, and frog's breath. Something really outrageous. She laughed, and then I told her I would never really do that, but that I was frustrated with her behavior.

So now, at 7, if I find myself beyond normal threats of no TV and time-outs, I will make it so ridiculous that she knows I'm kidding. I never say anything realistic like "I'm going and leaving you."

It's bizarre, but a great and funny way to let off steam, and works for us.

Answer 8

permit's say you're walking on a bridge, and that i see that there is a huge hollow interior the bridge and you will fall 50 ft on your death. could I no longer say something and allow you to maintain walking? Or say " end! there's a hollow suitable there?" i'm genuine sorry which you're taking it as of venture, i think of of it extra as a warning. even inspite of the indisputable fact that i do no longer understand you, or absolutely everyone else on YA! I even have love for you adult males in my heart. i comprehend that God is genuine, i comprehend that there is heaven and there's a hell. Jesus informed us to pass unto the international and carry forth his be conscious. If i do no longer tell human beings approximately God, or help those in choose, or tell those that there is a hell and sin will bring about that, then i'm disobeying God. i comprehend maximum have not got self assurance and that i could sound loopy to three, however the fact of the priority is that I fairly tell definitely everyone I are available counter with the fact, whether out of a hundred guy or woman a million guy or woman turns in direction of God. that's nicely worth all of it to me.

Answer 9

Don't threaten them with anything that you can't follow up on, and if you do threaten, make sure you do follow up if they don't obey. Children can be just as distressed by idle threats as by idle promises. In both cases it leaves them confused and insecure, bcause they can't learn to trust what you say.

Answer 10

consistency and follow through on threats is the most important part of punishment being effective and also the most difficult in my opinion.

As was mentioned, make the threatened punishment something you are actually prepared to do. And then if it does happen always follow through

Answer 11

Reserve the threats for when you really mean it, and make them serious consequences...have a sliding scale of punishment according to the offence, obviously children are going to be children, but if they are doing something that really bothers you, deal with it immediately...and good luck!