what would you do?

Question

if your spouce abondoned you and your child/children because they wanted a different life, and a few months later they asked if they could come and stay with you because the life they thought they wanted wasn't working out?

Answer 1

I would forgive and let him come back.

EDIT- wow, three thumbs down for being forgiving. What a loving and tolerant crowd tonight!

Answer 2

Not without a whole bunch of counseling, *before* allowing her to come back. She left because she wanted a different life, and now it isn't working out? She left because she thought when she left that her life wasn't working out. I'm all for giving someone a second, third, or even fifth chance, but you shouldn't set a "revolving door" precedent, she might want to come back, and then decide in a little while that she wants some other different life until *that* doesn't work out
either, it's not good for the child(ren). If it's that she is struggling to support herself out there, I can sympathize with that, but that's not a good reason for her to come back, if she was unhappy in the first place, and could lead to a situation where she is looking on you more like a parent than a spouse. If it is that she left, and came to appreciate all the things she left behind, (including you, because you deserve it) that is another matter. I am not saying don't, but be sure of her motives, since she abandoned her own children, and some spouses make a habit of that sort of thing. The *most* important thing to consider is the child(ren), above all.

Answer 3

I completely agree with Bubbleblunder's answer.

The only thing I would add is that you have to be very careful with your heart, and know that it is perfectly normal to be very sexually drawn to someone who left you. Most people have a desire to repossess the cheating spouse. Keep in mind that it may just be a desire to regain equilibrium more than it is a sign that you still want to be with her or that you still love her.

Don't rush things, and don't let her rush you. It takes time for trust to be rebuilt.

If you can both get past this and recommit free and clear from the past, I think it is possible that you could have a great relationship. But it won't be quick and easy.

If it's not what you really want, or if you feel she's just coming back to you because you're safe and available, don't get sucked in. If she's desperate, help her get on her feet because she's your child's mother, but be clear on your expectations.

Hugs to you and the little one. ;o)

Answer 4

What did they feel was missing/wrong with the life they left? What went wrong with the life they ran off to?

The motives of this situation definitely need to be evaluated. Personally, I'm skeptical, but I would be willing to speak to the person to find out exactly where their head and heart are. I would try to find 'neutral' ground, so to speak, and have someone watch the child for a few hours (not to deprive the other parent, but to keep the emotional aspects of seeing 'the happy family' from clouding a decision that needs to be equal parts mind and heart).

I tend to look at someone who would walk away from their child pretty harshly, though, and forgiveness would take a long time...as would trust.

Answer 5

It would depend on how sincere the reason for wanting to come back is. If I felt the spouse realized leaving was a mistake and truly loved me and the child and wanted to make things work, I would let the spouse back. If I felt the spouse wasn't sincere and would probably leave again, I guess I wouldn't let the spouse back. One is beneficial for the entire family, one is not.

Answer 6

I think many would take that spouse back... but it doesn't last very long. There was a reason they left...

Fear of the world or regret is not a good reason. To accept a spouse's return... that spouse must be able to verbalize *fairly precisely* and in valid terms, why they sincerely wish to return.

Give me an email at [e-mail] if you'd like a sincere conversation.

Answer 7

It depends on what you are trying to achieve. If you still love your wife, I would give her a change. If you want to be with her, give her a change. If you do not know, give it time. We all make mistakes. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes in all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. : )

Think if you want her back, and what are you willing to do for it to work this time. Listen to your heart. You are going to do the right thing. : )

Answer 8

I do not know all the details and ultimately you must do what your heart asks of you but I would run.

If it was just you I would be more open to the possibility of love conquering all. But it is not just you your son takes priority and this has too much potential for harm, both to him and to you. For better or for worse your place in this world is as his farther and protector.

Answer 9

Temptation. Jesus says to forgive. Is the grass greener on the other side. Why do people often try to run back to the pasture they came from. I've found that once a person sins it becomes easier and easier to do it again, kind of like the Demon of addiction. I think if you put Christ first in your life your focus on him will restore your relationship and give it a fertile ground to grow on. But it needs to be sincerely focused on him.

Answer 10

No to moving back in right away. But if I still loved him/her, I would suggest that he/she get a place in the area and attend marriage and family counseling to try to work through it. If I didn't still love him/her, then I'd still say no to moving back in, but would ask that he/she stick around long enough to sign the divorce papers and make a parenting plan.

Answer 11

I would help them seek help while they sorted out their confusion. I would also protect myself and my child until they sorted themselves out. It would be obvious that they were confused and not in any position to make another commitment.