My husband has two children from a previous marraige. His daughter is 25 and his son is 19. His son lives with us still and we pay for everything because he is in school BUT he doesnt help out with chores or ANYTHING ELSE. He eats and sleeps and goes out and parties with his friends when he isnt in school. His daughter doesnt live with us but comes over almost daily to eat. When I have expressed my frustrations to my husband he just gives his kids money behind my back and he reminds me that we are helping my daughter who is grown but cant live on her own because she is going through a horrible divorce and custody battle. She isnt getting support and cant afford rent. She is trying to get the ok through court to move to a cheaper state but she is stuck right now. Should I be upset that his kids take so much? Is it fair that we support them because we have to help my daughter?
2007-03-16 18:44:29 · 8 answers · asked by Jenny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It seems fair to me. Step parents cannot be the bad guy. They are to be friends to the children, especially when they are adults. As for his son not helping around the house, please sit down with your man, and have a calm, collected discussion about how you would appreciate it for this young man to become responsible, help around the house, like mow the lawn, take the trash out every night, keep his room up, do his own laundry (once shown the proper way to do it), Let his dad know that when his son is out on his own, he will need to know how to clean his place, and do his laundry, and cooking. Even for when he is married, it is something his wife will appreciate about him. Take care.
2007-03-16 19:32:04 · answer #1 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Helping out grown children who have fallen on hard times is not a bad thing, provided that you can afford it.
Your bigger problem is the son who is still living at home and not lifting a finger. You, him and your husband need to sit down together and come up with a plan outlining the chores this "boy" is expected to do around the house. You and your husband provide the home, the food, the education and everything else, he needs to contribute in some way, shape or form as well. If he refuses, or if your husband refuses to be on your side in this matter, it's time for you to do a bit of refusing. Don't have food on the table when he wants to eat, don't have his laundry done when he wants to wear his new shirt out to a party, you get the idea. You are not his servant.
2007-03-16 18:51:13 · answer #2 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money certainly does not grow on trees so I can understand how that can be frustrating. But this is what I think...I think the 19 year old should get a part time job and not receive anymore handouts. I also feel like helping the step daughter is fine but to an extent...help her make a budget and tell her how much you will help her with a month but no more (unless it's an emergency..like a real emergency not a fashion emergency haha). Feels like a good compromise.
2015-09-01 10:45:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can't expect him not to help his own children out especially if he is helping your daughter out. I would put my foot down when it comes to the 19 year old son for not helping out doing chores, etc. but if you are going to financially support one child you have to do all, that is only right.
2007-03-16 19:24:44 · answer #4 · answered by ~Sheila~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to help your step daughter with a budget and help your step son either find a part time job or you could always be encouraging of the fact that he is in college and help him during this time as long as his grades are good.
2016-02-05 08:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have to look at it from his point of view those are his children and just like you with your children he will always have to be there for them and it doesnt sound like its putting you in the homeless shelter so my advice to you is go out to eat with your husband followed by a night in a cheap hotel and just remind yourself why you got married to begin with after that the small stuff shouldnt matter so much
2007-03-16 19:00:06 · answer #6 · answered by acogunslinger 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you know he had kids before you married him?Did you know he was like this with his kids before you married him?If you did know then you shouldnt have married him, if you didnt know you should have gotten to know him better.Sounds like his daughter needs the help.Is she trying to work or anything?The son needs to be made to do some household chores.You and hubby are going to have to hash this out, might be best to go to a family counselor.
2007-03-16 18:51:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should speak up. if his kids are that old then they are considered losers.
2007-03-16 18:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋