When I talk to certain people, they feel the need to touch me. They put an arm around me or grab my arm or touch a finger to my chest or something. It's just a casual touch but I don't get it. I never feel the need to touch people when I talk to them. Why do they do this? Should I be doing this? If so, how do you know when to do it and when not to?
2007-03-16 18:30:25 · 16 answers · asked by Bob 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
They don't always realize they're doing it. If it makes you uncomfortable just take a step back. My aunt does that.
2007-03-16 18:35:31 · answer #1 · answered by M N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Human nature is so versatile. Nowadays the children in school are being taught "NO TOUCHING" and it seems that the government is trying to change that habit of which you speak.
I grew up in a very touchy feely time ... when I see my friends I hug them as the act of the skin touching another is rather pleasant in that regard.
Our children are being taught the opposite, that touching is a bad thing and that you will be castrated if you behave in such a manner. My son was just written up in school for tickling. Now there is a time and place for everything and from what I can see there is no longer touching allowed in schools at all. Are they trying to make the kids today little cold people? Who knows I think so.
Now if someone is talking to me and touches a finger to my chest in a negative fashion that would be an invitation to meet my other personality who is rather defensive of such actions. Once someone touches you in anyway when you do not appreciate it then you are acting in self defense and have every right to protect yourself. Ask that last b*tch who did it as she ran out of the house with that four foot table leg that she hit me in the head with several times. Although I won the war, my head suffered six staples. But she touched me first!!
lol
Bottom line...if someone is touching you inappropriately and you do not want that to happen SPEAK UP KID NO MATTER WHAT. Nowadays people are very bad at reading minds. Nobody is going to know that your uncomfortable if you dont tell them. Be nice and polite and just say "I would appreciate it if you would quit touching me, I have a pet peeve about it and are letting you know so that you don't continue with this unacceptable behavior."
If they don't like it then get away from them sweetie. Don't ever let yourself be placed in a situation which is uncomfortable if you can help it.
...........think about it..... AND GIVE ME A HUG LOL
2007-03-17 02:33:50 · answer #2 · answered by MsEagleTX 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Many people are just this way... My Dad called it "talking with their hands". Some people will equate this sense of touch with "having & holding" a persons attention.
Sometimes it's a persons way of seeing if the 'speaker' is accepted by the 'listener' if they don't react in a 'negative manner' by pulling away or just looking at them like "what the heck?" when they do the touching thing.
A person can learn where thier place in the 'pecking order' is by how much they can interact with someone, and how and in what way, someone responds to them. It's just a side of our human nature that we choose to show to fellow man...
-Don
2007-03-17 09:55:38 · answer #3 · answered by mreagleaz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a general rule, when people touch a person to whom they are talking, it is a gesture of dominance. That doesn't mean they are trying to dominate you so much as they are trying to reassure themselves, however. They're trying to prove to themselves that they CAN have the upper hand. Since you don't like this (and I don't blame you), I'd try to maintain a bit more personal space when I chat with someone; if that doesn't help, try looking very pointedly at the offending hand and then immediately directly at them when they make contact - I guarantee it will stop ;-)
2007-03-17 05:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the conversation, it may be that they are trying to "bring you into" the moment. They want to show you that they are comfortable with you. Whether its a joke, or reassurance, sympathy, or merely to get your attention... if it annoys you... keep a larger personal space from people you're not comfortable with.
A small example.. If I were to lead someone somewhere, I usually gently place my hand on their shoulderblade and walk with them, side by side.. not "lead".
To some, the body contact is just as friendly as a hand shake.
Anywhere OTHER than hands to shoulder, is a bit odd & probably inappropriate.
2007-03-17 04:56:02 · answer #5 · answered by enticingmind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to look at what is being said at the time. If you are a guy and tell a woman that your puppy just died , she might put her hand on your arm in a gesture of sympathy.
2007-03-17 01:43:58 · answer #6 · answered by mark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont like to be touched by anyone that I havent given explicit permission to touch me. I feel uncomfortable and people that do this tend to be more affectionate than myself. If you dont feel comfortable touching others when talking to them dont do it. And you never know who else may feel uncomfortable being touched.
2007-03-17 02:40:43 · answer #7 · answered by Cat D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people have a habit of talking with their hands. That's how they express themselves.
It bothers me too. I just tell them to watch it, or I'll step out of their reach.
It also irritates me when people are talking and their all up in your personal space.
Unless it's someone I'm going to be intimate with, they don't need to be all up in my face. Breathing their hot breath on me.
2007-03-17 02:29:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The content of your conversation might dictate what that touching means. If it's just a friendly one, the person talking to you might be just demostrative one. Of course, if that person talks naughty, it means something!!!
2007-03-17 06:29:32 · answer #9 · answered by Makisig 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being so damn up tight! People have a natural need for love and affection, regardless of what popular culture has taught you it's not a bad thing. This natural affection comes out in the form of subtle contact, they're just human, try being one, it's not all bad you know.
2007-03-17 02:37:48 · answer #10 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋