So I got pregnant, my ex-boyfriend's parents told me if I didn't get a abortion that it made me a very selffish person and I'd also not be allowed to speak with their son ever agian. Here are the reasons why they believed I should do it.
1. I have a history of deppression
2. the deppression could make the child very sick
3. I'd ruin the lives of my ex-boyfirend and his parents
4. They believed that after I had the baby I'd get
post pardom deppression, lay in bed and not care for
my child.
5. Because I grew up an orphan and had a hard life living in foster cares and group homes that would make her a problem child in the future.
6. They believed even though I wanted to give the baby up for adoption there is no one in the world who would adopt a African American half Japanese baby.
My ex turned on me not to metion get his friends and family after me. Even told my friends lies to justify his actions.
Was he right to do so? Does that make me selffish
2007-03-16 17:52:25 · 20 answers · asked by Ang 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They are the ones being selfish. They are only worried that he will have to pay child support. They are trying to manipulate and scare you into the abortion. If you want your baby you have every right to have it and not be harrassed by them. If they continue to bother you ask a judge for a restraining order so they cant harass you.
If you do decide to adopt there are literally thousands who would want your baby.
Do not let those people bother you. You do whats best for you.
2007-03-16 18:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, sweetie...let's shoot these down one at a time...
1. And you would be LESS depressed if you had the guilt of abortion to carry around?
2. And the abortion would end the baby's LIFE...sheesh, this is hard one to figure out!
3. And how would you ruin their lives? By making their son fess up to the responsibilities of having sex? They should be thanking you.
4. Post partum depression is something EVERY mother has the potential of having. It's not the end of the world, and as long as you continue to see your doc for checkups, they can help you through it.
5. How does your past affect your baby's future? My step mother in law was raised in group homes, was never able to have children, but does very well as a grandmother of six!! If anything, your past will prompt you to excel to be a better person and give your children the best possible future (including adoption in this case).
6. When it comes to loving children, true loving parents are color blind. ;)
In short, your ex and his family are being the selfish ones. Considering he's an "ex", do what YOU want to do. Adoption is a wonderful option, especially since you know you can't give your child the best future possible. Start looking around now. Get a few numbers for different agencies in your area. Go and visit them. See what adoptive couples can offer your child. Weigh your options, but whatever you do, don't make your baby pay for something he or she had no control over, and DON'T do something because you are being coersed into it. Do what is RIGHT, in your heart and your mind.
Blessings
2007-03-17 01:13:02 · answer #2 · answered by Silverwolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an amazing girl. Your boyfriends parents have no right to tell you what to do with your baby. Adoption is the best option and I am totally for it. They are the ones being selfish. Don't have an abortion. None of your past is going to make the child a "bad seed" they are very wrong. Especially about no one being willing to adopt a half African American half Japanese child. Lots of people would, my husband and I cannot have children, so we would just like thousands of other couples in our situation. Don't let them bully you, find an adoption agency that will support you, like Bethany.Org they can offer counseling and support and help you find a family for your baby. Keep away from your ex and his family, they are just worried about the burden the baby would be to them. Get him to sign off on his rights!! You know whats best for YOUR baby. Best of luck!
2007-03-20 14:04:54 · answer #3 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it does not make you selfish, quite the opposite, actually.
1. You have a history of depression, so, then it's time to get on anti-depressants.
2. Your depression won't make your child sick. I don't even know where they came up with that.
3. You won't ruin their lives. Bottom line: your ex is just as responsible for the action that created the baby as you are.
4. Prozac can be taken while you are pregnant, so that when you give birth you won't experience postpartum depression. I know this because I have a fifteen year history with depression and my OB/GYN said that Prozac is safe through the entire pregnancy and afterwards.
5. What matters is not how you grew up, it's how you plan on raising your child. Give them plenty of love and clear boundaries, and you're on your way. (You could read the Super Nanny's book for some ideas).
6. There are PLENTY of people who would adopt a sweet little one regardless of their race, be it African American, Latino, Oriental, or Mixed.
I know you once cared about him, and what I have to say may hurt you, but your ex is a jerk, as are his parents. They are the ones being selfish by bullying you to get their own way.
Your body, your choice. I think you are being a responsible, loving mother. Kudos, hon!
2007-03-17 01:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kristi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your life your body your choice.
some may say it is his life as well he should have a choice in whether or not he is to become a daddy. but he should remember he did have the same choice and he chose not to use protection against it. he knows how babys are made right? he should not have had sex if he didn't want the risk.
baby has the same chance of depression as any other
noone can say they will or will not have postpartum depression. it can happen to anyone.
just because you were an orphan does NOTmean you should not have children. geeze!
plenty of people would love a african american japanese baby. my niece who is 1/2 chinese 1/2 caucasion had a baby with an african american . hes a beautiful child and noone has ever critisized him and better not.
so no you are not selfish. whatever your decision is whether it be adoption or keeping i wish you the best.
2007-03-17 01:09:32 · answer #5 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly don't want an abortion, it doesn't make you selfish. So what if you can't ever see their son again? It doesn't sound like you should be with someone that gets you pregnant and then insists on an abortion.
Having depression will not make a baby sick and not all mother's get post-partum. Plenty of mother's do fine. You don't have to give the baby up either if you don't want them to be an orphan such as you were. There are so many programs out there that help single moms. Check out the programs before making a final decision.
2007-03-17 00:59:47 · answer #6 · answered by lxl_serendipity_lxl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you made the right choice and no you are not selfish if you were selfish you wouldent be thinking of the child there is help out there for the depression and not everyone goes threw the depression after having the baby i dident and the baby could be just what you need and his parents just need to let himgrow up i would make him support the baby after it was born you are intitled to child support and i would make him give it up . and with you been in foster homes i believe that makes you a perfect canadit for a mother because you are more in likely to be one of the best mothers in the world because of what you have seen in the foster care have the baby and start a new look and look at the positives and not the negatives there are a lot of single mothers out there and you can do it just like they are maybe you need something that you can actually say is yours and the baby is gods way of giveing you the healing of depression childeren can make you smile at the worst of times and they are a joy to be around
2007-03-17 01:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by family fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn’t make you selfish at all. Your taking responsibility for your actions.
Your boyfriends should have thought of the consequences of having sex, even with protection nothing is 100%. There are plenty of people who would be willing to adopt a bi-racial child of any race combinations so that comment is just rubbish.
You did the right thing Good luck in whatever you decide to do adoption or keeping the baby.
2007-03-17 01:06:06 · answer #8 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all, it sounds as though they are the selfish ones. Just because you have a history of depression doesn't mean it will pass onto your child. My cousin has a history of depression and she got pregnant, having her baby really helped turn things around for her even though she was in her mid teens. She's a wonderful mother and keeps her depression in check with medication and a joy of life.
As far as adoption goes tons of people would want to adopt your beautiful baby, the love parents (biological adopted or otherwise) have for their children isn't jaded or colored by race.
So reject their selfish behavior and good luck!
2007-03-17 02:37:59 · answer #9 · answered by texas hearts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you werent selfish they were.The boyfriends parenstw ould rather gladly murder their own grandchild than to have their son be responsible for making a baby.YOur boyfriend would rather murder his baby than to be a man.His firends are just like he is, a bunch of selfish murderous people.YOu made a mistake getting pregnant before getting married, and also by someone who is selfish and evil like his parents.Dump him, learn from your mistakes and dont repeat them.You need love and healing, youll find them both in a GODLY family.Get your phone book, look under churches ,look for a united penteocstal church and talk to the pastor, he wont scream at you and condemn you, but help you thru this terrible situation, GOD loves you honey and knows your heart and the ones who coerced you into having an abortion.GOD is forgiving if a person is sorry for what theyve done and willing to change.GOD also delivered me from manic depression without meds or doctors, HE can do the same for you.
2007-03-17 01:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋