I didn't want to get a Abortion does that make me a selfish person?

Question

So I got pregnant, my ex-boyfriend's parents told me if I didn't get a abortion that it made me a very selffish person and I'd also not be allowed to speak with their son ever agian. Here are the reasons why they believed I should do it.

1. I have a history of deppression

2. the deppression could make the child very sick

3. I'd ruin the lives of my ex-boyfirend and his parents

4. They believed that after I had the baby I'd get
post pardom deppression, lay in bed and not care for
my child.

5. Because I grew up an orphan and had a hard life living in foster cares and group homes that would make her a problem child in the future.

6. They believed even though I wanted to give the baby up for adoption there is no one in the world who would adopt a African American half Japanese baby.

My ex turned on me not to metion get his friends and family after me. Even told my friends lies to justify his actions.


Was he right to do so? Does that make me selffish?

Answer 1

No! They are being unreasonable and selfish. If you want to give the baby up, trust me, someone will want him/her. People are standing in line to adopt brand new babies-any cultural backround. The way it sounds like they are treating you, it probably wouldn't work out with them anyways. Sounds like they are willing to drop you like a hot cake if you inconvenience them. Do what you know is right in your heart, and also think of the unborn beating heartbeat inside you. Forget them. They have no interest in being there for you through thick and thin, obviously. What happens next time something gets too difficult for them to handle?

Answer 2

That's crazy, What century are they living in? So what i got is you are pregnant, want to remain pregnant, but would like to give the child up for adoption, right. Well, I know several people who've adopted, my sister in law is adopted, we have frioends who adopted twins from Russia, and my daughter has a friend who is asian and she and both her brothers are adopted by an american couple. Given your past, you should seek therapy aside from the depression issues. PPD is very common, and it's real, with my first it lasted about 6 months, with my 2nd it was about 3 weeks, I cried every single day. It affects people differently. If you think you might not be able to cope so well, talk to your dr or hell you can email me my email is the same as my ID. They shouldn't be treating you this way. HE shouldn't be treating you that way either. If those people were your friends they wouldn't do that.

The depression won't make your baby sick, unless you aren't taking care of your self or the baby.

i don't get how having the baby would ruin their lives, if you have it, and you keep it, then love it, no matter what!! If you still want to let the baby be adopted, then contact a planned parenthood, or an adoption agency, they're every where. And people who are good enough to adopt will love the baby no matter it's heritage.

Cut your ties to that family, they are beyond crazy. No you're not selffish.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, and I think the best thing you can do is to see a counselor, talk things over, and get prepared to be the best mother you can be. I dont think it is selfish at all to refuse an abortion....In fact, I think it is quite the opposite. You are saving a life, and it is a most selfish act to try and convince you that you should terminate the pregnancy. It sounds like your ex's family is very ignorant. Its unfortunate that this enjoyable time in your life has to be stressed because of these poeple, but, I think you are making the right decision. The fact that you have experienced depression in the past doesnt mean you will have depression once the baby is born. It might mean you will never experiencce those sad feelings again. A baby can do onderful things to a person, mentally. However, its going to be hard, and I definately recommend you talk to a professional as you prepare to have the baby. If you do decide to give the baby up for adoption (also a completely selfless act) I guarantee there will be MANY families who would do anything to take a beautiful half Japanese half African baby home with them. Good Luck, It sounds like you have a tough road a head of you, but the enrichment you will be given by this baby far exceeds snooty in laws.

Answer 4

I'm thinking you're listening to way too many people. I hope you have adoptive parents or some other stable, mature adult to help you through this. You should do what YOU want to do. It's understandable that they don't want their son responsible for a baby at this stage in his life. It's not easy, and it will be a financial burden. Of course he should have thought of that before he had unsafe sex, but that's in the past and nothing can be done about it now.

On the other hand, if you want to put the baby up for adoption, you should do so. There are many people who want a baby, and there's no reason some wouldn't take a mixed race child. People do it all the time!
Deciding what is best for YOU and your baby is YOUR decision, and whatever you decide does not make you selfish. You have to look out for you because when you get right down to it, no one else will. It's not selfish to do what you feel in your heart and head is the best thing.

Take some time to think about the future. Write a list...positive and negative about your choices. Then look deep inside yourself and find your answer. And when you decide, have confidence that it is right for you and don't let anyone bully you into thinking differently. Good luck. You have a tough road ahead of you, but you can do it.

Answer 5

I don't think that it's selfish of you for not wanting to get an abortion. I believe that they are wrong for asking you or either telling you to do it. I think that if you wanted to take care of it you could or either give it up for adoption if you so chose to. There are people out there that want very much to have children and aren't able to that would love to adopt a child reguardless of race.
I think that if you aren't ready to have a child then adoption is the best answer, but if you feel that you are ready and can handle a child then go for it. In your question I see that your ex wouldn't be helping you raise this child, that is something that you will also have to take into consideration. Are you prepaired to take care of this child alone or do you have someone who will help you?

I believe abortion is wrong, "A person's a person no matter how small" Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Seuss

Have your child, because if you can't or decide against keeping it I know that there is someone out there who would love to be able to have him/her.

God Bless!

Answer 6

Your kidding right?...The decision to keep your baby is not selffish...IN Fact who ever told you to get rid of it because a baby would ruin thier life are the ones that are being self fish.

Here is a list for your list.
1. There are meds that you can take while you are preg. to help with depression...talk to your doctor

2. If you are on your meds, then you and the baby should be fine....talk to your doctor

3. If having a grandchild is going to ruin thier life, then maybe they should have thought about that when they taught thier son about safe sex.

4. Again there are meds that you can take to help with the depression.

5. If anything honey, the way you grew up would only help her, you know how important it is to be a good loving parent

6. That is silly...I have a mixed baby, there has not been a day that goes by that someone does not tell me how beautiful she is and what a joy she is to have around....

If he turned on you then you dont need him...this sounds like he is a scared little boy who is not ready to face his responsibility. And his parents are allowing it....His parents came up with that list to try to guilt you into going along with what they want....They are trying to use your past, depression, and the fact that the baby is mixed, agaisnt you so that you will feel guilty and do what they want....dont fall for it....You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Be strong....and good luck in what ever decision you make.

Answer 7

No you are not selfish because after you have the baby, the baby will experience with life. Now if you were to get an abortion you would be selfish because you wouldn't be letting your baby experience with life. As for your ex-boyfriend he is a jerk for not using protection and he is the father and he should support you in your decision because he's the one that got you pregnant in the first place and like I said if he doesn't support you then forget him because he doesn't care for you any more and he doesn't deserve you. If you do want him still then allow the baby to be born and put it for adoption but don't go through abortion, it is just not right.

Answer 8

Abortion as birth control is selfish. If your ex-boyfriend didn't want to be a father he shouldn't have risked it by sleeping with you in the first place. He is selfish and his parents are evidently ignorant! Amazing how people can be so hypocritical!

I'm sure there are few people growing up as orphans that don't suffer some form of depression, does that make it right for them to be denied the same mistakes and opportunites as everyone else? Additionally, the idea that no one would adopt a mixed child of African American and Asian heritage is ludicrous! There are plenty of couples looking to adopt who would be thrilled just to have a child to take care of! Regardless of ethnicity!

I would suggest you go to someone positive in your life and hold them close. My wife suffered post-partum after our daughter was born. She made it through and our daughter remains the joy of our lives! Ask for help before you need it!! I'm not saying you will, but there is the possibility. Set up your support system of those who will be able to detect any post-partum signs before they become unmanagable.

Do not heed the advice of those who so obviously seek to selfishly gain by the elimination of your child. Fight for what YOU feel is right! You are the only person who will have to deal with your choices and your mistakes every minute of every day!

The freedom to choose our path in life is the only real freedom we have. When you begin to let others make your decisions for you, you will begin to lose yourself, forever.

Answer 9

Who is having this baby..you or your ex-boyfriends parents?...
you are ..you decide....it is not their place to tell you what to do or really what they think...they are NOTHING to you.....
If you want this child and you believe you can be healthy enough for this babe... than have it...and if you have a history of depression than you will need to keep this in check and talk with your doctor about this...

as far as you ex-boyfriends parents...my guess is they are just afraid if you keep this child..their son might have to pay child support ...they are not looking out for you..but their son...and they are using everything they can against you to bend you to their will...and using your past history as an excuse ...which you had no choice or say in...but now you do..and you can control your situation....your the master of your own destiny....this is your decision to make...no one else's....

and no your ex-boyfriend isn't in the right......he sounds like a real _______

Answer 10

No, your not being selfish. From the sounds of it, the only reason they want you to abort is so that their son won't have to put up his end of the responsibility. He's looking for the easy way out. No matter what your past history is, you can have a happy, healthy child. You should just cut all ties with this jerk and move on with your life with the baby.

Answer 11

Oh my good ... they are the selfish people and without morals too you are a good person Im NOT a religious person but I always tought that if I get pregnant no matter the situation I will have the baby because that baby may be the only one that god will granted me and also its supposed that if you have sex you are going to take care of the consquences they are selfish they just think that a murder is better that deal with the consequences but see the bright side this show you what kind of father that boy will be he may kill his own son. and you will be a great and loving mother cuz you choose life!! if you ever need to talk dont doubt to contact me