How does one say final good-bye's?

Question

I am a Muslim. My friend of 20+ years who has HepC was sent home yesterday to die. He has 3/4 days max. His wife and he decided to have a "good-bye party" for him (I know, totally inappropriate choice of words...I am sure you can see why I am stuck). As a Muslim I know in my heart of hearts he is going to finally be with God. As a human speck, I want him here on earth. I have lost people in the past, of course. Even the slow painful way. Q: how do I say goodbye to someone I know I am NEVER going to see again? How do I reconcile what is in my head (me and ego and fear etc, etc) with what is in heart (Allah and Islam). As a revert I can see this is a real opportunity for me to put my money where my mouth is re: faith. I don't want to be hysterical mess @ "party"(

Answer 1

Find a time to be alone with him. Tell him all he's meant to you. Tell him that you love him, and thank him for specific things you are grateful for. Ask for forgiveness if you have ever wronged him, and forgive him for any wrongs done to you. Ask him for something to do after he is gone, something that you can feel he could not do for himself. And prepare to grieve. This will not be easy, and the emotions of such moments can flood you. But they are massively important, because the are the most intimate moments in life.

- {♂♂} - {♂♀} - {♀♀} -

Answer 2

I'm not sure you're questioning the wisdom of Allah as much as you're trying to deal with losing someone you care a great deal for. People aren't perfect and when we're hurting our imperfections and vulnerability tends to show even more.

At your friend's party, try to enjoy his company at that very moment instead of thinking of how sad you will be without him. He's going to have a wonderful time seeing the people he loves laughing and smiling and talking.

And even though you'll never see this person again, what I've learned from losing someone I love is that your heart and mind will become filled with positive memories. There will be days when you think of this person and a dumb little smile will come to your face and you won't even realize you're smiling until someone says "what are you smiling about".

Trust me, it'll be okay. You'll be okay and your friend will be okay.

Answer 3

Last year my father died. I told him, before he died, that his memory will always be with me, that he can only be truly dead if he would be forgotten. And he will never be forgotten.

I have his voice, I have those same wrinkles in the palm of my hands. He lives through me.

You are a good friend, and I applaude you for having the strength to even ask this question here. I am an atheist, and my next sentence might sound a little odd to you because of that, but I mean it anyway:

Don't question the wisdom of Allah now. It's not the time. Try to be strong for your friend, try to be strong for yourself. I wish you all the best, and all the strength. And never forget, you can keep people alive. In your heart, in your mind and in your memories.

Answer 4

"I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there, memories, good or bad, will bring tears and words can never replace feelings. Don't want to leave, but we both know sometimes it's better to go.

And so it comes just as it is, a day no longer here. Saying goodbye is incredibly hard, but I'll say it anyway

Dear Friend of Mine,

This is our last goodbye...it's over, just hear this and then I'll go: You gave me more to live for than you'll ever know"

Answer 5

you do not have to say good buy, those that we love , even when they leave us to be with god or anything Al's they believe in stop suffering and we get to keep all the happy memories, so during the good buy party concentrate on all the best times you had together, make a slide show, look through photographs, talk and give lots of hugs, hug enough to last you for few months, remember his smile and when he finally passes in to more piece full existence free of pain, suffering and earthly problems be happy for him.
He will always be in your heart and in your memories and when you get stuck and feel like talking to him talk out loud and you will find you will instinctively know exactly the answer he would give.

Answer 6

Keep a foot in both worlds. Use one to temper the other. Know that he will survive
death, yet don't deny the ego's right to mourn. When you hear that he has gone,
let the shadow cross your heart for a day or two and move on. I don't really think there are such a thing as good-byes, only
'to be continued...'

Answer 7

You're not a terrible Muslim. . .God understands that we love our family and friends and that it hurts when we lose them to death. You're just responding as anyone else would under the circumstances.

As far as saying good-bye, just say what's in your heart: that you love your friend, you're going to miss him, or whatever words you find to say. Maybe you could reassure him by telling him that you will be there to support his family and that you know he will be watching over all of you from Heaven. Most of all, just let him know how much you love him. . .when all is said and done, that's the important part.

You have my sympathy and concern for the days ahead. Would you accept the heartfelt prayers of a Christian for your friend, his family, and for your own grief?

Edit:

Yuri, that was beautiful. I wish I'd had those words in the days after my mom died. Thanks for sharing them with us.

Answer 8

He needs to celebrate while he still can he knows he's dieing and he has probaly accepted that fact of his death. Its a part of life and I know you want him around for many years to come. Some lifes are long some lifes are short. No it doesnt make you a bad muslim. You believe what you wanna believe. That was your decision your made. Because you felt it was right. so relax its going to be sad but you'll get threw it.

Answer 9

Do you feel Allah forbids you from just being a friend to this guy, and accompanying him? Let love and compassion guide you. You don't have to say anything to him that you don't believe. I'm sure what he would like would be the company of good friends in his last days.
EDIT:
(My apologies - I've re-worded the beginning of my answer).

Answer 10

I'm sorry to hear about your friend and your painful loss. As a Christian I know that I WILL see all of my departed friends again when I go to join them with Jesus in Heaven.

1 Thessalonians 4:14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. 15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. 16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. 18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

For your sake and the sake of your friend I hope that God will be merciful to the both of you, in Jesus' name. If he was my friend I would read him this passage from the Bible and ask him to turn to Christ before it was too late.

John 3:14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: 15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Sorry if that sounds cold and heartless but either Jesus knew what He was talking about and his words were faithfully recorded by his disciple John who saw Him risen from the dead or a huge scam has been foisted on all of the first century believers and the rest of humanity down through the ages. You may sincerely believe that a person can come to God apart from Jesus but that's not what He said or did or taught.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.