Why is hard for a single mothers to find decent men?

Question

Why is that most men have a problem dating a women with a child. I get tired of stressing that I am not looking for a father for my daughter, I'm looking for someone for me. Most of the time I have to hide the fact that I have a child or even if I tell them out right, all I get is "oh well uh...I ain't ready to be no daddy"....uh who asked you to be? Or they will say let me call u right back and of course they never do. My daughter always has and will come first no matter what, but hey i get lonely too! I work 2 jobs, and I go to school fulltime, so it's not like I'm looking for someone to take care of me and her, just someone to chill with. I respect the fact that it's that persons personal choice as to who they would like to date and that a lot of people dont want ready made families, but for the last 3 years all I seem to meet are guys who just dont want a woman with a child. Do men who really dont care even exsist out there. Or will I spend the rest of my life alone?

let me say that i am prepared to accept the latter...meaning i have already dealt with the fact that i may have to spend the rest of my life alone..even though i dont want to.

I admit mayb I work too but I am paying for my schooling out of pocket my daughter has ballet and school expenses that I have to pay for. and to the person that said i am blaming my daughter...never in a million years. her father and i were engaged but he realized he just wasnt ready for a family so he is no longer around and that is fine. I would never blame her, if anything I would blame myself cause I feel no child should have to grow up like that. i am not on welfare or any type of public assistance, and I making sure that I set a good example for her and show her that no matter what happens she is number one.

Answer 1

To answer your question, it might be that they feel they have competition with your child. If that is the case then you don't need them. I am going through the same thing. I am wandering where are all the nice men / decent men myself. I am a widow with a five year-old and I have been taking care of us for almost three years now. It gets lonely and overwhelming. I would like to find somebody myself eventually but my daughter comes first. Whoever I choose has to get along with her and vice versa because that is very important. My daughter can tell me who she thinks is good or bad which helps me. Just take your time, get to know you, and finish school. I would love to finish school myself. If I stay single that is the way it is. I was married 12 years and I am 41 now. I have been blessed with my daughter and God has taken care of us all this time. If God sends a husband for me then so be it, if not that is fine, too. Good Luck To You!!!

Answer 2

What a hard place to be. I was there 9 years ago. I met this man who was much older than me . I had three young kids 3,5,7 coming out of an abusive relationship. This man had 3 grown kids of his own . Let me tell you he was a god send . I never thought that i would find a man. He just dropped into my lap when i was not looking . maybe that is the key . Stop looking and the right one will come . I did marry my wonderful soul mate and he died of terminal cancer!! So again i am a single parent!! But the kids are 13 15 17. big difference. Still they are kids and there are few men that can handle the challenge of loving unconditionally. You brought this girl into the world in a mind set of loving her!! Now is the time to dig in your heels and continue to create a loving mindset. Think about the movie the secret about what you want to attract in your life!! You are in charge girl. Remember you are never alone !!! You have your child and you have friends to share your dreams and tears and laughter with!! Never settle for second best !! You and your child deserve the best the world has to offer .

Answer 3

If i were you i wouldnt give up. And don't try to hide that you have a child because that is part of who you are. Most guys don't like the thought of taking on a parenting role. Others are worried that dating a single mother brings about more responsibility then a woman without a child, which is partially true. They fear that they're gonna have to babysit and take care of those types of roles. Many guys don't want to settle down that much when they first start dating. But don't give up!!! Once you find that one guy who doesn't mind your child in their life, he will probably be there for keeps.

Answer 4

I am dating a woman with a four-year old boy. Long distance (with many visits) for six months, and I moved to be with her (not living together) for the past six months. Things is you're asking that someone 'chill' with you, but ignore the fact that there is this other person that your life revolves around. Truly revolves around - your kid comes first, you even said so. So, how do you expect someone to be with you, but not be a part of your whole life?? So, some of the guys that have avoided you just don't want a child in their life - but some of these same guys may want a relationship with you, and that means that the child has to become part of that relationship for it to *be* a relationship. You need to find someone that likes you so much that it doesn't matter that there's a child, and they will allow the child to be a part of their life because of how they feel about you. That is the case with me - I never wanted kids (been married twice, and I'm 38yo now). But I love this girl, and it would kill me to have a stadoffish, half-*** relationship with her merely to cut the kid out of the picture. I think she would eventually resent me for it. You probably would, too, you're just too desperate right now to realize it (I'm not trying to offend you with that comment, I'm just saying what I think).

Answer 5

I think its mostly that a lot of guys don't like being #2 in your life. If you have a child, that child will take away some of your time and energy from your man. Find a man who also has kids I would suggest.

Answer 6

i honestly don't know what to tell you i am having the same problem myself i am singlemom of two beautiful girls.the oldest is twelve the youngest is almost two. i myself hope there r good men out there. i wish u the best of luck finding Mr right and the best of wishes for you and your daughter. you seem like a very intelligent woman and i hope that even if u find someone that he can be as intelligent and hard working and loving as u come a cross as being goodluck

Answer 7

I'm gonna be brutally honest.

Men feel like a woman who has had a child can never be truly theirs, since she already carried another man's child inside of her body.

A man wants to feel like his woman is 100% his.

I know it's messed up, but that's how it is, which is why women should choose very very very carefully who they have a child with.

Very few good men will settle for a woman who has kids, and those who do so probably do so out of desperation.

I personally would never be serious about a chick with a kid. I'd have sex with one, but not marry her or call her my wifey.

Answer 8

If you find someone that wants you, but no kids, r u going to get rid of your child. There r men out there that r what u want. U r only looking in the wrong.

Answer 9

Most men don't want to have to deal with all the extra problems that come with dating a mother.

Maybe you should look for an older man. They are more likely to be used to dealing with woman with kids.

Answer 10

you don't have to spend the rest of your life alone. one thing for sure you work to much. your looking in all the bad places to find a good man. start looking Else were. you and I both know good men are hard to find . you will find a good one that will love and your daughter good luck to you