How can I control my emotions?

Question

I have a tendancy to go to extremes. Either I'm really excited, happy and flirtatious or I'm very depressed. but these times don't last long and they almost always have to do with crushes. but even driving i get ver upset. I let external environment dictate my mood and my mood can change within a couple of minutes. Im either a doormat or am extremely mean. Where do i find the middle. I've lost so many friends because of them being scared of me blowing up at them. I feel like i cant express emotions for fear of overreacting. Help, what do i do? whats wrong with me?

I'm female and 26. Yes, I'm a lesbian (or at least bisexual). I don't know if that means anything.

Answer 1

I actually have gone through this many times before, more so in the last several years than any other time. I can relate to this so much! I agree that perhaps it might be due to Bi-polar disorder, or more so, Manic Depression. That could explain the mood swings. Or, perhaps it is due to a hormonal imbalance?

Then again, most likely you do not have something as chemically-defined as "Manic Depression" or "estrogen/progesterone imbalances." Perhaps what you have is more of a behavior or habit, than an actual disorder. It sounds to me like you have Passive Aggressive behavior, in which you do not know how to clearly communicate your feelings on a topic, therefore easily giving in to people and before you realize it, assuming role of "doormat"; then you don't bite back until later in time, and in a way that is more harsh than if you'd communicated your feelings from the beginning. Related to the Passive Aggressive behavior is what I like to unofficially call the Delayed Reaction Syndrome. This occurs when you too-nicely give in and become a "doormat," to the point that you deny to yourself that you are giving more of yourself than you feel okay with. Instead of saying "no" or reacting at that moment, you suppress these feelings and keep them bottled up until you later explode. At that point, your explosion is 10X more volatile than if you'd expressed yourself in the beginning at the appropriate present time. (This is similar to Jim Carey's character in the movie "Me Myself & Irene," except that Jim Carey's character has a more severe syndrome known as Multiple Personality Syndrome.) Therefore, you have big problems with communication, expressing yourself, and standing up for yourself. People who generally have these problems also tend to have self-esteem problems, too.

I can see how some friends would be "scared" of doing something that might set you off. However, there is a flip side to consider. Perhaps the reason that some "friends" are "scared off" so easily, is because they weren't really your friends and only looking to "use" you as a doormat, and weren't happy when your ranting put a halt to the freebies they were getting? True friends would stick by your side, acknowledge that you're a good person despite the explosions and communication problems, and work to help you overcome these problems.

Because a guy friend and I am learning how to overcome this problem ourselves, I am NOT an expert, but I will tell you some ideas that I have devised for my friend and I. First, think before you speak. Slow down and take more time before saying or doing something. When angered, take 5 deep breaths first and stay calm. Instead of living day to day, live minute-to-minute. Along with staying "on-your-toes" with what you say and do, stay on your toes as far as what OTHERS say and do to you. If you don't like something, or you hear someone insult you, think about what you don't like about that, and say something to them about it. If you don't say anything now, then people will continue to insult you because they can easily get away with it, and that will do nothing but lead to more bottled-up emotions and later-time explosions. This "say something about it" thing is a LOT easier said than done. Therefore, perhaps you should check out a few books and websites directed towards becomming more assertive. A public speaking course(such as at a community college) could be helpful too, in helping you to select your words more carefully to convey your feelings, or to become more assertive.

Another tactic is the Avoidance tactic. This borders on Passive-Aggressiveness, which isn't much improvement over the Delayed Reaction Syndrome, but hey it'll help you curb some anger. Basically if someone pisses you off, such as conning you into giving them a ride some place an hour away, make an excuse then cut them out of your life. You'll be happy if you "weed out" the users/mooches. Avoid going to places where you know you'll run into people that will upset you. Surround yourself with happy things, such as playing your favorite CD, taking care of your pets, talking a walk, etc. Hope these ideas help.

Answer 2

perhaps you dont have a good way of expressing yourself so you tend to "freak out" at little things. people like you should come with "WARNING: contents under pressure" labels. well heres whatcha gotta do: stop and think. simple. when you feel yourself tense up, just ask yourself "how am i gonna feel about this in five minutes?" the answer is that in 5 minutes time you'll probably have forgotten whatever it was that upset you in the first place. also, when you are feeling emotional, talk to someone calmly. chances are it will strengthen your relationships with them rather than destroy them. life is to short to be consumed with such strong emotions. just live and let the little things fade away as they always do.

Answer 3

Learning to control one's emotions is one of the hardest things people can do.
The elation/depression cycle suggests bi-polar disorder, and that is not going to go away unless you see a therapist and get on medication. The irritability can also stem from being bi-polar, although you sound a little (just a little) theatrical, which is a style (or trait). It's easier to modify traits than it is your whole personality.
Cultivate rationality. In order to do this, you have to study it and make it a goal in your life. Rational people think before acting, and they usually have plans they are working on. Life can make sense, if you don't lurch from crisis to crisis.

Answer 4

see a psychiatrist about this. You could have bi-polar II . You need to evaluate the reasoning behind the rapid changes in mood and behavior before you can fix them. Good Luck to You!

Answer 5

i am the same way i just lost a friend actually becaause of this and its hard to control, but before i say things or do things i try to remind myslef what will happen after i write a note on my hand like "tb" those simple letters represtent "think before" do little things to trigger your memory

Answer 6

are you a female and what is your age?

Answer 7

eat well