recently I started dating this teriffic guy. He is smart, comsiderate, funny and charming among other things. The only problem is that so far I am not feeling that physical attraction. He wants to get intimate and I keep saying that I need more time as to not hurt his feelings. I keep going out with him because he is such a great guy that I am hopeing in time the attraction will follow, but what do I do if it doesn't? I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should talk to him about it and risk looseing possibly the greatest guy I have ever met or just stay quiet for now and see how things go in time.
2007-03-16 14:44:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hey Girl, Great question. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming you're a young woman, {or girl}. I know so much about this issue. Not just my experiences, but several friends of mine. HOW IMPORTANT ARE LOOKS????? NOT AT ALL!!! I can't stress that enough!! I'm 42 yrs. old, divorced,and dating. I've been seeing a man 10 yrs younger, gorgeous, I mean gorgeous, affectionate, GREAT sex. But, a player! He made it clear that he likes me a lot, but doesn't want any commitment. Then I met a man 2 yrs older, not as "gorgeous", etc... I actually met him on line. We talked for 2 weeks before we actually met. He's such an unbelievable person that I didn't care what he looked like. Now, when I see the first guy, I CAN"T stop thinking about the new one.
Long story short, if you love someone for the person they are, you know it's real. I've been with many great looking guys, only to have drama, hurt and disappointment. You will learn this as time goes on. There is SO much more I can say, but I hope you get my point. Don't throw away a good man, they're far to few of them!! And yes, as time goes on, you will develop an attraction to him, because HE is a beautiful person! Don't give up!!
I've looked @ some of these answers. Those that say there has to be a physical attraction are simply too shallow to get past it. I understand where they're coming from, but if you can't see past a pretty face, then you miss out on the best thing in life, How sad for them
2007-03-16 15:10:27 · answer #1 · answered by isis8x3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without chemistry your relationship is a friendship. You are lying to this guy (in the nicest possible way). Don't deny him or yourself the chance to find that wonderful spark with somebody else. Relationships are incredibly tough. Any long term relationship will have it's testing times down the road. The thing that will bind you together when all else fails is the trace-memory of that first flush of passion and love you felt: that's why it's called being 'in love' with someone. If you are 'in love' with each other you are bound together by it. You are not 'in love' with this guy. You love him as a friend and it won't bind you together as life partners in the same way. The longer you let this go on the more you will hurt him in the end.
2007-03-16 21:51:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There needs to be a physical attraction. People always say not to go by looks but if your not attracted to a person you can't have a relationship. Don't feel bad stay friends. If you don't like the way he looks now no amount of time is going to change that.
2007-03-16 21:49:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kayla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Physical attraction does matter a little. Someone could be 90 years old and be the greatest person, but that doesn't mean I would want to go out with a 90 year old woman. I wouldn't mind being friends with them, though.
2007-03-16 21:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The exact thing happened to me when i was 19 or 20. He was the best person and I loved him as a person, he treated me like gold, e was hilarious and was not handsome and we were like best friends. He would always say he would wait for me but then one day I think 2 years later he said either you give me a chance or i wont speak with you anymore...Anyway I loved him as a person and didnt want to lose him as a friend I said ok..maybe thinking that one day i would like him...but when he tried to kiss me i would back away and it didnt feel right...so long story short he stopped talkin to me ..I guess I hurt him evenmore by doing that. So if you learned somethin from that story good if not I suggest you just be upfront tell him how you feel and i doubt you'll change. You need a guy that will make you feel like when you see him you want to rip his clothes off,,,which is what I later found and we had real love....Be sure how you really feel about him dont get confused with loving themas a person which is what i think you feel
2007-03-16 21:52:38 · answer #5 · answered by amor_dove 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is really a correct answer to this question directly. If you are thinking that you might want to marry this guy, you need to be up-front with him. If this is going to be a problem for you two, you need to work it out now and not down the road where you both could really be hurt badly. I had this happen to me once and I haven't heard from the guy since because he couldn't deal with talking with me and not "having" me. Sometimes that is just how life is.
2007-03-16 21:58:20 · answer #6 · answered by Tough Love Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't have a relationship if you have no physical attraction.That's the difference between friends and lovers.You should end the romantic relationship now and try to spare him while it's still early.Don't lead him on.It'll just hurt both of you more in the long run.
2007-03-16 21:49:24 · answer #7 · answered by babyheavenly2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously the physical attraction side matters when you first meet someone...but lets face it...doesnt matter how gorgeous they are if they are idiots the attraction fades...
in your situation if the physical attraction is not there but you are attracted to the personality then the physical side will come with time as you are more and more attracting to him as a person...and realistically these are fantastic grounds for a long term relationship....
i wouldnt be telling him that your not attracted that way...just let time decide for you and take it one step at a time...
2007-03-16 21:49:17 · answer #8 · answered by askaway 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in a situation like this, i would say that it depends where you are in life
if youre still dating, looks are a lot more important.. but if youre trying to find someone to settle down with, at least for awhile, you should try to get past your shallowness and find him attractive for things that really matter
and talk to him? what are you going to say? "hey, youre everything i would ever want in a friend and a husband and i think you may be the most wonderful person i have ever met, but youre just not as good looking as i am?"
id definitely keep quiet, as for what else to do, id like to think that looks wouldnt be as important to a person if they met someone as wonderful as the person you just described
good luck
2007-03-16 21:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i am a guy, and i f i were him i would like 4 u to tell me that and to be completely honest w/ me so that maybe i could improve in some way, and then maybe you might like him more if he was willing and improved and started to become more attracted to him on a physical level. if u just stay quite i think that it will just end up leading to more trouble if u really dont see u together on a intimate level, and u continue to like him more and more on a mental level.
2007-03-16 21:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by jlk15 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋