my good girlfriend from college asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding this august. i initially told her yes, but am now having regrets. i live across the country and will have a hard time fulfilling all the bridesmaid "requirements". i can only afford to fly in for one shower, and will most likely miss the bachelorette party. on top of the fact that i'm going to have to ask for extra time off from work . . . has anyone ever pulled out of being a bridesmaid? can this be done or do i just have to tough it out? should i add that we're not as close as we used to be and that the dress is really ugly . . .
2007-03-16 14:37:30 · 15 answers · asked by Fashionista 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just let her know that you can be a bridesmaid in the wedding, but you can't do any pre-wedding stuff. I'm sure she can get her other bridesmaids to do those things.
2007-03-16 14:42:22 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really need to step down, then you may do so.
However, you are not required to go to showers and bachelorettes as a bridesmaid, especially if it is a hardship. The only real duty a bridesmaid has is to be supportive on the day of the wedding.
Wearing a dress you don't care for is par for the course, I am afraid. I hope that is not the major reason for your decision, beacuse that would be not-so-nice on your part.
2007-03-16 23:25:26 · answer #2 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a wedding this past summer for a friend of mine. I was in Georgia and she was in Ohio. When she first started planning the wedding, she knew I couldn't be around to help her as much as I could, and I missed both the shower and the bachelorette party. (Although, we did have a smaller one once I got to town, but nothing on the scale of her other one.) I personally think that with 5 months to go you should suck it up and do it, but make sure she knows (which I'm sure she does and is ok with) you not making this and that. If she's not OK with it, then hell yeah back out, but if you've already requested your time off work or whatever for the wedding and know you'll get it, I say stick it out.
2007-03-16 21:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by Cheyenne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speaking from experience... losing a bridesmaid is traumatic, and you don't want to do that to her... she will probably understand "i live far away, i can't come for every event leading up to the wedding"... but bailing on her totally, that sucks... my sister lives 1500 miles away, she is not coming to anything but rehearsal and the wedding... I'm not mad about her missing showers, or even a bachelorette party... but her not being there beside me on my wedding day, that would crush me...
and NO it is not wise to say "we're really not that close anymore" (what if to her you are her best friend?) and "that dress is ugly" is not much better, is picking a fight with someone you were obviously close to for a long time really what you want to come out of this?
2007-03-17 00:35:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be honest with your friend and just tell her what you said in your question. Say that you are not able to put as much into it as she deserves at her special time and it wouldn't be fair to her. Most good friends would understand completely. A lot of times brides ask people to be in their wedding out of obligation, not because they especially want that person in the wedding. Do it soon though - before she has spent money on you or picked out dresses based on what might look good on you!! Oh - I just saw you said the dresses are ugly, so it sounds like she's already picked them out. If a dress has already been ordered or made for you, you should offer to pay any charges or deposits that can't be returned if you back out at this point.
2007-03-16 21:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend probably wants you to be a bridesmaid, but would understand if you had to pull out. In fact, she probably thought that it would be difficult for you, but imagine how you would have felt if she didn't ask you in the first place. Explain your situation and that you are happy for her, but that you cannot financially take part in everyone of her special days. Let her know that you look forward to the wedding, but must respectfully decline her invitation. Don't worry, I'm sure she has a back up, of course not anyone as special as you.
2007-03-16 22:26:50 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't have to. The sooner you tell her the better because she is going to have to find another one. If you still want to go to the wedding, make it clear that you still want to support her by doing this. If you don't and you would prefer to move on, tell her that it turns out you can't afford the time off or the money it will take to get out there. If you want to stay friends, be genuine and send her a great gift and tell her you wish you were there.
2007-03-16 21:47:25 · answer #7 · answered by Tough Love Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answer. Tell her that you'd be willing to be a bm, but bc of work and finances and distance, you can only help out at the actual wedding. I am only asking my bm's to help clean up and set up the reception for me, maybe you can offer that. HOWEVER, if you really don't want to be in the wedding and just wish to attend, then you need to inform her of that in a loving way.
Good Luck!!!
2007-03-16 21:46:35 · answer #8 · answered by fwog_fwog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to I pulled out of a wedding a few months back I did the same thing said yes and immediately regretted it! If you aren't that close then bail it isn't worth your trouble
2007-03-16 21:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you can pull out. Just explain that you don't think you can fufill all the obligations because of the distance and the money. But don't mention the dress...that shouldn't be a consideration at all.
2007-03-16 23:27:56 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋