Is it possible for yourself to sabotage the possibility of having children?

Question

I am 34 years old and always wanted to have kids. I seem to have an instant good rapport with children. I was pregnant once and stopped it as I was very young and did not know any other option. I am now in a sexless marriage, which I don't know where is going to. Also, one other important thing is that I am coming from a family, where I was verbally and physically absued. So, one thought emerged recently: could it be that I am subconsciously sabotaging my own possibility of having kids because of my unhappy childhood? Does it ring any bell and does anyone else has a similar experience?

Answer 1

I believe you can subconsciously sabotage yourself from becoming pregnant. The fear of the unknown, especially if your relationship is not healthy. You want children but are not sure if you want them in your current circumstances. Think of all the couples that have unknown infertility problems, they have no medical reason not to conceive yet it doesn't happen... If you go into the psychological side of things there are often issues, sometimes people don't even realise there are issues. When the time is right it should happen! I had a similar experience, I physically & emotionally sabotaged myself as I was terrified of not conceiving, so I did everything possible so I couldn't, that way I would not be disappointed if it didn't happen as it couldn't happen. Also when I decided I really did want it to happen, sure enough I got pregnant immediately. Yet I had tried whilst in other relationships, & there weren't any medical reasons for it to not happen. Think about what you really want, can you have a fullfilling life without kids, what are your alternatives... In the mean time get fit & healthy & maybe have some counselling both personal & marriage. Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't know about this my doctor told me there is such things as spontaneous miscarriages where the woman don't know there pregnant and have a heavy, heavy period. All I can think is that maybe your mental stress really has something to do with this. But also if your in a sexless marriage, then how are you going to get pregnant? If your rarely doing it than it's quite possible to get pregnant because it only takes one time but maybe if your only doing it once in a while your not doing it on your fertile days. Why would you want to be pregnant by a man in a sexless marriage because my first thought is not only is it a sexless marriage but is it a loveless marriage as well? Please don't bring a child into a loveless marriage!

Answer 3

Sabatogging is a really really negative word for 'fulfilling a different purprose then the one you want conciously'. You never sabatoge yourself. You are always working towards a purpose. If your unconcious purpose over rides your concious purpose.. then you don't get what you conciously want.. but you are still fulfilling your purpose.

SO if you conciously want a child. But subconciously want to keep yourself safe from attatchments that could be used against you.... then you are fulfilling a purpose. Not the one you want, but you are working towards a goal. I don't think that is sabatoging yourself.. that would be keeping yourself safe. So to get past that unconcious purpose and into the one you want conciously.. like having a child.. then you need to help yourself feel safe within yourself and fulfill those needs. When that purpose is fulfilled, then you can move on to your concious intentions..