I want kids?

Question

I want to have kids but my husband doesn't want to. He already has 4 kids from his first marriage. He still uses condoms. I really want to have kids but every time I tell him he says no way he has enough. I tell him that I never had any kids and he doesn't seem to care. Should I poke wholes in the condoms? Is that too much?

Answer 1

He is not being fair at all to you. He had 4 kids, but doesnt understand that you have needs too and obviously would like your own. Its like my father in law. He had 5 kids and told his new wife he didnt want anymore, yet she hadnt had any. Well she finally ended up pregnant (with my husband) and as soon as that happened he ran and got a vasectomy before she had a chance to have another. She really wanted another baby. To me that just isnt fair, but at the same time I dont understand why you didnt have this discussion before you married him. I dont think you should poke holes in the condoms though.but then again I dont know though what I would do in that situation.

Answer 2

Sabotaging the condoms would be an act of pure evil. You just don't have the right to do this to him, and you *certainly* don't have the right to do it to the child.

Have you considered what you're contemplating: creating a child - a *person* - whose father doesn't want it? The odds against anyone being happy in this world are pretty high already, and you're stacking them even higher by bringing this person into a pre-made unstable situation.

If there's anything driving this apart from a purely selfish desire on your part, I can't see it. This desire would irrevocably change the lives of your husband, your four existing children, and above all the new human being you're considering creating. If you go ahead and do this just for your benefit and against expressed wishes, I don't know how much sympathy you deserve if it all goes wrong.

What's wrong with your existing family? Is it just that you want to play with a baby, or do you not like your stepchildren? Do you have some notion that a new child will be somehow better, special?

There's clearly some aspect of your wanting a baby that I don't get, which is fair enough. I just hope that whatever it is justifies what you're contemplating.

CD

Answer 3

Whatever you do, don't be so dishonest as to poke holes in his condoms. It's deceitful and it's wrong, and it will backfire and he'll end up resenting both you and the child he doesn't want. Have a long talk with him, explain yourself in a heartfelt letter or poem, and let him think about things. If he still doesn't feel the way you do you need to rethink your relationship. This is something you want figured out before you get married, not when it's too late.

Answer 4

That is usually something people talk about before they get married. If he doesn't want anymore kids and you poke holes in the condoms he will probably leave you, but maybe not because I am sure he is already paying enough in child support.

Answer 5

Bad idea to do something to "force him" into something you want. This is a big thing, and needs to be talked over seriously, not just blown off by your husband. Any serious disagreement needs to be worked out, or you start breaking the strings that tie you together. Assuming that you two can't talk about it on your own, you must talk about it with a pro; on your own if necessary. Ideally, it would be someone he respects, such as your priest (or other religious figure). You have 3 choices that I see - you change your mind, he changes his mind, or you get divorced. Living together is hard enough without such a strong source of anger and resentment stewing underneath.

Answer 6

no that is not fair, maybe you should see a therapist, this is a very big deal, surprised it was not discussed before marriage, i would never marry a man that did not want children with me, it's a marriage breaker having children is a giant blessing he should want to give you even if he has some from an ex, if he sees how much it means to you he should want to give that to you, but you should not trick him, you might need to move on, sorry to say, it's not about wanting kids it's about wanting your wife to be happy and caring about her wants and needs, this is a giant red flag, it's very sad, i have 3 older children my husband passed away when i remarried my husband wanted children i was happy with my three but why would i not want to give him that gift we have 2 together, i love him, you need to seek help to see what is going on in your marriage, don't let him rob you of having children there is nothing better, it's my greatist joy

Answer 7

Didn't you talk about having kids before you got married? If he told you he didn't want them then, then there is no excuse for you to be complaining. If he said he did, then he is at fault.
Either way, deceiving your husband will not only destroy your marriage, but your baby to be will be the one to suffer from it.

Answer 8

You really should have discussed this before getting married. If he doesn't want children, you don't want to trick him into it. Keep talking to him about it, and if he still doesn't want kids, well you may want to file for a divorce. Then find a man who does want kids.

Answer 9

You shouldnt have married him if he didnt want anymore kids and you knew that you did. If you poke holes, you might lead your marriage to divorce.

Answer 10

dont punch holes in condoms...thats not cool. If I was a women in your shoes I would say "look, I want kids, if you dont want them then I need to find someone thats willing to give me a child so I'm leaving you " he'll change his tune if he loves you.