My wife and I are expecting our first child , how soon is too soon to have visits from in-laws?

Question

My wife and I will be expecting soon. I got no other relatives here but her family is always around,and to me its overbearing.
She calls them everyday and so on.Calls when she comes home like if she still a kid.
Now, I was wondering, at the hospital her parents, sister and husband their kid and gods knows who else will be there, is that ok? I trying to make it a husband and wife occasion but she's making it a big family event. I don't mind a couple of ppl there and other visits like a couple weeks later. Her mom is going to stay with us, understandibly, for a few days after, while my wife rests.....When will I get time of our own to get used to our child without interference? I dont want her parents raising my child without me having my say. I'm just left out of everything.
Can anyone give this new dad to be some advice?

I just feel like not going to the hospital at all, so "they" can go have "their" baby.

I had that conversation, it turn into an argument and left me sitting online trying to figure out...maybe I'm the bad, selffish guy here, i just dont know anymore.I'm jus a darn sperm and money bank.

I dont anticipate being shoved out, i know i will be, cause i'm a more "shy/quite" type who wont be showing much feelings with all those people around, even if i do know them, but i'll still be getting used to a baby, but they are always like "happy" happy, joy , joy and i dont feel that way. I'm scared. Dont make much money. Couldnt even afford most of the big items we got at our baby shower, but even though i'm thankfull I feel inadequate to provide....i've been hasty in seeking better employment and education but it will take time and that's frustrating that i cant even buy some stuff for my own kid, which her family got for her.

Answer 1

Your wife will be focused on the baby and labor at the hospital, so you can tell the nurses to keep everyone else out so you can have time with your wife and the baby. My husband and my mother were in the room with me when I had my baby and that was ok, even though I just wanted it to be me and my husband. The only thing I regret would be not telling everyone to leave. After the baby was born my husbands dad and step mom and mom and sister and her kid and his cousin and her husband and my mom were all in the room and I didn't even get to hold my baby until a couple days later.
I would get him long enough to feed him and then someone would take him from me. Everyone was there at the hospital and then when we got home they stayed for a day and then just up and left. So it was just me and my husband. My baby is now 2 weeks old and I have been sick the whole time and trying to heal and my husband had to take off 2 weeks of work to take care of me and the baby because I couldn't get out of bed.
Having help is nice....but you should just have everyone come to the house after you get home from the hospital in moderation. Sorry I told you my whole life story but I know how hard it is to have everyone around. Just tell her that you want it to be more personal.
You know how ALL mothers have that picture of Mommy Daddy and the baby right after he is born while mom is still in the hospital bed? (the first family photo) I never got that picture. I have no pictures at all of me and my baby.
Talk to her about it and maybe she will understand. Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 2

My parents and I are very close like that so I understand why she wants their support but at the same time I understand why you would want it to be a private event for just the two of you.

Before you have the baby I think you both need to compromise on when it is okay to have visitors. Maybe limit the people in the delivery room (most hospitals ask that you do anyways) and after the delivery ask everyone to wait an hour until things have settled to visit. Let them see their new family member and then suggest that mom needs her rest and "mommy daddy" time after they have all held the baby. Tell them thank you for coming and that you will call them tomorrow and tell them when you are up for visiting. Then be sure to call them before noon and have them come back to visit and if you have to send them out for food trips or other things then do so. Be clear but kind that you both need rest and that while you appreciate the love and support you need to moderate visiting right now. Most people understand.

Just curious why you feel that you are left out of everything? Did you have a hand in decorating the nursery? Have you purchased anything for the new baby? Or are you just anticipating being shoved out?

I am about to have my third child...good luck! I will probably be dealing with the same thing.

Wanted to add: It's really normal to feel overwhelmed by the birth of your child. I feel overwhelmed and I have done it twice already. We don't make enough money to buy what we needed...we were lucky to get a shower and get some generous gifts. While that is hard for a man's ego don't let it determine your value as a parent. Most new parents can't afford all the furniture and neccessities upfront. In fact, I'm sure your in-laws had help when they had your wife. It's just the way things go. It sounds like you are a caring father and that you just need to have confidence in yourself. You will do fine. Just jump in and change diapers, burp, and offer to do baths. Most importantly, be sure to take care of your wife because that is one thing that will stick with your baby forever...how his dad treats his mom. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Congratulations on becoming a first time daddy! Well, most hospitals won't allow children under 12 into the maternity ward unless they are siblings, so presumably the cousin and some adult won't be there at the same time. If your wife wants her mom or sister in for the delivery, let her, they know what she is going through. After you come home, help is great, especially while you have to work, but set it up so that once you come home from work it's family time (your new family, not her extended one). That way her family can come and have baby time while you can't be there, and can leave you three alone when you get home.

With our first child, my husband was awesome, so I didn't need my mom to stay with us. But six days before our second was born my husband had knee surgery, so he was unable to help with the new baby-I don't know how I would have survived without my mom!

Answer 4

You need to have a serious heart-to-heart with your wife.

As a woman, I feel strongly that during labor the woman have what makes her feel the most comfortable but that doesn't mean that the father's feelings don't count. My husband had some feelings like you so we compromised. Both our mothers and his sister could come to the hospital but they had to wait in the waiting room. They were welcome to visit while we were in the hospital but once we got home we asked for two weeks of undisturbed time alone as a family. Some were angry with us but it was much more important to for the three of us to bond. Perhaps you and your wife could try something along those lines.

My best advice is to talk to your wife, tell her your worries and concerns, and that you really would like to spend some quality time alone as a family unit as well as celebrate the arrival of your child with your family. Hopefully, you'll be able to work something out where everyone is happy. Good luck!

Answer 5

For your wife, this is a big event and having her family fawn over her is really nice. (Most of us never really get to be treated like a princess other than on our wedding day and when we are pregnant.) It sounds like your wife is really happy to have her family there. You are going to have to accept her need for them but can help reduce it by spoiling her a little extra. As for the delivery, your job is to support your wife, that's it. If she needs the National Guard there for support, you smile and show them where to stand. She has a lot of work to do and it can be really scary for a woman. There are things that you can help decide, but who's in the delivery room needs to be her decision, and you would do well to bow to her wishes here. As much activity as there seems to be, the visitors after the baby comes really don't interfere with your time as much as you think it will. Visitors rarely do the dishes, change a diaper, or wash six loads of baby clothes that the baby only wore for 15 minutes each. Those grandparents will be a valuable asset and again, diplomacy and acceptance are your allies. Just because Grandma will be there, doesn't mean you can't take charge of diapers, bathing, cleaning and pampering your wife. Ask Grandma to show you how she used to change her kids, and bathe her kids. Make her feel like a trusted advisor and teacher. If she gets too bossy tell her, "We are so lucky to have you here while we get the hang of this baby stuff. I have really appreciated everything you have shown me, I really want to try this on my own and prove to myself that I can do it." She will feel valued, loved, and like an integral part of the baby's life, and you will be telling her what you need. Congrats, and hang in there.

Answer 6

What arent seeing is the whole picture. You and your wife are expecting a child that will change a whole family and its dynamics. When a child is born to a family everyone celebrates and is happy to a have a new baby in the family. That doesnt mean they think the baby is theirs but that they are wanting to welcome your child. As a grandparent my greatest joy is my grandchildren and I do call them our kids but I dont mean I am their parent but that they are the kids of our family. Let her family come and celebrate with you -they are just as excited and happy as you are and love that baby as much as you do and that's great for baby. A baby can never have too many people to love them!!

I do understand you feeling a little left out since all the attention is focused on your wife and child since your family is not there to help celebrate. Take pictures to send to your family-they want to see the baby too. By day after tomorrow you will be home and your wife and you will be in the process of parenting-at that point you may find reason to be glad for the large loving family who will be there to help when you or your wife need it.

Answer 7

I really feel for you. You need to put your foot down and have a honest conversation with your wife on how you are feeling. I think its fair for you to want to limit the family gathering until you and your wife adjust to the new family you have created. You can let her know that the first two days at home its fine for her mother and relatives to vist,but after that, you want just the three of you to bond for the next few weeks. You are her husband you wishes must be granted. good luck

Answer 8

well I had my mother in law here from another state to witness the birth and help after, it was my man's idea and I think it is best to wait before you have in laws invade your space, at lest 2 weeks, so you can get comfortable and spend your own time with your newborn.

Answer 9

I had people vist me the next day. My mom, dad, brother, husband, mother in law were already there though.

Answer 10

face it honey your in-laws are there to stay. they will be there before,during and after baby regardless as to whether or not you want them there. take advantage of your hormones and go off...throw a bitchfit