Disappointed in cats' personalities. Advice?

Question

I have 2 cats. I got them when they were 7 weeks old. They will be 1 year next month. I take very good care of them and try to pet and play with them. I have done my best to get them used to being held. The problem is that the female cat likes me, but rarely shows me affection. She does show my husband affection. The male cat loves me a lot but doesn't like being petted too much or held (he follows me around the house). I have had two wonderful, affectionate cats in the past that I miss so much (they have passed on). I got the cats that passed on when they were a little older, so I could tell their personality before I got them, unlike the ones I have now. I am VERY disappointed that these cats are not as loving and affectionate. All I want is 1 lap cat and I don't think I am getting that (my husband is from the female one). This sounds bad, but I am thinking of making them outdoor/indoor cats. What is the point of doing their litter everyday for nothing in return? We have a large yard

Answer 1

No...please don't let them out and risk them getting hurt, or even worse, killed. I have five cats and each one has a different personality...I sympathize with you as only 2 are real cuddlers. The others only want loving when they want it. My himalayan lets me hold him for maybe 1 minute, then it's down. He's so beautiful that I wish he would cuddle with me and let me hold him. He was very loving as a baby, but now, he's very independent. But, I know he loves me because he has to be near me all the time...he actually calls "mama"...it's kind of creepy. My ragdoll, 1 year old, is like a dog...follows me everywhere, cuddles in bed with me, lets me hold him....my female calico, needs no one....I wouldn't even know she was around if the others didn't pick on her....
Cats are very funny...I think the older they get, the more affection you will see in them...please give them more time...
My "Sonnie" is almost 6 years old...and he just started sleeping on the bed with us.....
Please do not let them outside. I've lost two cats that way...
Things will get better

Answer 2

A lot of cats don't enjoy being held or sit on your lap, they don't like the sensation of being restricted and you move a lot so they are not sure whether they will be safe on your lap or not, my own cat isn't a lap cat, she is affectionate in her own way, she asks to play and brings the toy, she seems interested in everything we do and wants to be included in it, she follows me around the house etc. That's the way they show affection and interest towards you. You should try to not discriminate these kitties, I mean, you could send the cats to the animal shelter where they might get killed because of their personalities but that doesn't mean the next cats you'll get will be lap cats.

I think that you should try a few tricks, like get kitties in a playing and feeding schedule and make them beg a little - or a lot- for their food, don't free feed , they won't associate you to being the provider if you do it. Food is a powerful weapon , if used right you can train your cat to show you the love. When I need love I get the treats, my cat jumps in my lap inmediately, don't even need to say her name, I also get her when she is really sleepy, they are so lazy they don't mind being petted and held when they are sleeping and they get more used to it.

I understand it isn't the best situation, cats are supposed to be needy and sleep in your lap but some cats just don't . Another thing is your cats are very young, they are in what we would call "teenager" years, they misbehave and treat you badly, they give you the "I don't need you" attitude, that might change on time if you train them correctly.

Answer 3

I know what your talking about I had a boy cat which was very affectionate and playful and he would follow me around the house too ,but just as you said about yours he has passed on as well. I now have a female cat and she loves attention but not too much and she doesn't like being held and doesn't play much... She is about 6 and all she does is SLEEP! lol well I heard once that girl cats are less affectionate than boys... but I am not sure if that is true. Well yours are still very young! I wish the best of luck with your pets!

Answer 4

Seriously, maybe you should get a little dog.

Putting the cats outside would be wrong. If you don't want to keep them, give them away to a new home. Inside cats live longer and are healthier than outside ones.

Some cats just don't like to be held and others will pester you to death wanting to be on your lap and petted all the time. Which is worse?

Give them a chance, though, because I don't think their personalities are fully developed at one year of age. Cats can also pick one person to be their very own human. Some will get over it and others never will. Individual personalities.

Get out the treats and try to lure her to your lap. Some cats are such suckers for treats.

A little more patience with your cat might work, too.

Answer 5

I think because the cats have each other they do not need people as much. They get affection from each other. If you had 2 cats at different ages I think things would be different. One cat alone or a difference in age would have more time to be with out another cat while you both formed a bond before a new cat came along. It's like you and your sibling. You 2 bonded and your friends came along later on. The friend would be the lesser of the closer one as they would only be a friend. You are the friend to the 2 cats .

Answer 6

I'm sorry your cats don't meet your expectations. I understand what your saying, but I think it would be wrong of you to start letting them out just because you don't love them as much as you thought you would. It's dangerous out there. You just have to respect that they are the way they are and find things to love about that. My female cat is almost 8 years old and is just now becoming affectionate with me and the kids (she has always loved my husband).

If you're really wanting a lap cat, right now and don't want to wait to see if one of your cats will come around, I say keep things as they are with the current cats, let them be who are...and adopt another cat. Really, once you have two, what's one more? Get an older cat and know it's personality before you adopt.

Answer 7

My 2 boys will be 6 years old this year (same month, 10 days apart). The siamese was 6 weeks old when I got him, and I made sure that when I held him, he didn't jump out of my arms. He didn't, so I bought him. I got my black angora mix for free from a lady whose pure bred got preggers by a stray. He was 6 months old and abused I think because he shyed away from EVERYBODY. I have moved 4 times in the past 5 years, lived with boyfriends and roommates with cats, and now that I have settled down, they both fight for my attention more than ever. It has taken the black cat 5.5 years to warm up to me, and maybe that is what it will take. I say, give it time. Not taking care of them will make them vengeful. And if you decide to make them outdoor, please put them on a leash. My boys are indoor only and it drives me nuts when a neighborhood cat comes around and freaks them out. Good luck.

Answer 8

Every cat is unique-just like people. I have 2-they were littermates. One loves to be held and cuddled, but the other one prefers to snuggle in bed with me. She won't let the other cat come into the bedroom! So I've got 1 who would stay on my lap for hours and another who likes to sleep in my bed! lol Iwonder if your 2 just can't replace the 2 you've lost. I've lost other cats as well.

Answer 9

Here's the way of it,FreeSpirit,
Cats are as individual in personality as humans.
It's been often said that WE don't own cats,THEY own us.
It all gets down to a personality thing with your male,just a thought.
The female is another story.Perhaps she does not like your scent.
Maybeso,your perfume,deoderant,body wash,whatever,puts her off.
OR...maybeso it has to do with her seeking out company of the
opposite sex.NOT uncommon.
Bottom line is this....you CANNOT expect to replace lost pets with
another and have them display the same behavior patterns as the
other pets did,especially cats.
Turning them outdoors is NOT going to resolve the issue,it may just
exacerbate it.
You'll STILL have the litter box to deal with,PLUS they may just start
to relieve themselves at will around the house as well as marking
territory(learned outdoor behavior) as well.
Accept them for what they are & can be to you.

Answer 10

keep the female for your husbands sake...give your male away to someone who needs that type of kitty...then check out a black cat...i dont know why but every black cat i have ever had has been incredibly loving...i mean in your face loving...if you live in a city, check out your different cat breeds to see which breeds, such as the ragdoll or abyssinian or somali that are the mor affectionate and intelligent breeds (abyssinian and somalis are also talkers) then see if you have someone who is giving kittens away that seem to have these breeds in them...unless of course you can afford the pedigreed cat. otherwise, check out a few black cats...handle them before you bring it home then you will know for sure. good luck.