My partner and I have been together for over a year. Recently, my partner got back from a break with her friends and this one guy took a bit of a shine to her. He found her on her facebook thing and told her that he really likes her and wants to see her again. my partner has told me that she isnt interested, but feels sorry for him so has messaged him a few times just to say hello. I've been privy to the messages and they are pleasant and friendly. I have no reason to believe my partner is interested in this person at all, but I get upset when I think about it. It makes my skin crawl because he seems to be quite smitten with her, even though she's made it clear they're just friends. I feel like a really bad person, because my partner's doing nothing wrong but be nice to a slightly unstable young man who seems to have other interests. It makes me feel really uncomfortable...I don't know if it's right to feel like this or not.
2007-03-16 13:22:23 · 33 answers · asked by NorthWest 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Lead us not into temptation.
2007-03-16 13:25:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think i would categorize you as a bad boyfriend. but, jealousy in any form isn't overly healthy. Even if Your concerns may be warranted . if your friend is an adult, and you are not married or agreed to a commitment exclusively to each other clearly made. their is a old saying that goes something like this . .. if you hold something too tight and you let it go, and it returns , it is yours, if not ... let it go.. Spying on someone, isn't healthy either.. trust is the first cornerstone to a good relationship, the second, being trustworthy.. Feelings are ok to have.. just make sure they are healthy productive ones. being obsessed over someone isn't healthy. Maybe pulling away for a while might help get a better perspective where you really are in the relationship.. good luck
2007-03-16 13:35:41 · answer #2 · answered by miladyfaire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! no you are not a bad boyfriend. Shes obviously flattered by this guy's attention. if he's smitten and she doesn't feel the same way - then shes playing a potentially dangerous game which could end up really hurting both you and this other man..Feeling sorry for him isn't enough of an excuse to keep contacting him. Try to get someone elses opinion about what this guy is really like- if you are just relying on her discription of him.
2007-03-16 13:52:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never wrong to feel how you feel... what matters is how you deal with it.
Does your girlfriend approve of your jealous streak? Have you told her how you really feel? That might help to alleviate the situation.
How about befriending the fella? The enemy seems less so when he is a friend (that makes sense somehow!).
Have your experiences in the past led you to mistrust your girlfriend?
You may find that once you have mastered your ill feeling to her friend it makes you all the stronger and more attractive as a life time partner.
2007-03-20 09:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well your not a bad boyfriend. I have had experience with that. My gf was messaging guys and flirting with them and I talked to her about it. I was really upset with her but she said she wouldn't cheat on me and that I am her only person she loves. so thats one thing. But in your case you shouldn't feel bad that you are feeling those feelings. Everyone has those feelings even a kid like me. Its not bad at all just maybe don't read too much into it cause if your partner really cares about you she won't hurt you. If she doesnt' care then you will know.
2007-03-16 13:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by David M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babe i would do the EXACT same thing shes the love of your life so your like a body guard. At least that shows you care about her by checking her messages. That would upset me though if that guy talks to your gf the way he does. Did she tell him about you? dont worry you did nothing wrong if anything if she loves you and she knew that upset you then she shouldnt talk to him. the only things that matters is that you and your gf are together not no stupid facebook friends
2007-03-16 14:29:03 · answer #6 · answered by Sheri M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that makes you a bad boyfriend. Maybe you should tell her to not lead the guy on by messaging him. Try to make her understand that you're not trying to boss her around, but you're just looking out for her best interests. We females have a hard time being mean when someone is nice to us, so maybe she doesn't know how to tell him to leave her alone. I had this same thing happen to me when I left for college, and I had my boyfriend call the guy and tell him to leave me alone. It may have been a bit extreme, but he got the message. Good luck and I hope everything works out.
2007-03-16 13:28:34 · answer #7 · answered by soccergal_86026 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have been very understanding. Its good that she has shown you the messages but she really needs to make it clear to this guy and stop messaging. I totally understand how you feel and it seems perhaps she is a little flattered. If she carries on this "friendship" then that would be unfair and you have every right to ask that she does not.
2007-03-16 15:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by sassymoomin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be really honest with you your being a great boyfriend, your being really understanding with your partner and its a great thing that your partner has been able to share this with you and you've been able to cope with it very well until now.
it's normal to feel kinda uncomfortable, at the end of the day she is texting another guy, although its nothing flirty it's simply friendly texts which your informed about anyway, you obviously have it floating at the back of your mind.
it's perfectly normal and OK. Just to be at ease it wouldn't be a bad idea to let your partner know that it is beginning to bother you, hopefully this way you will be able to overcome your uncomfortable feeling.
best of luck.
2007-03-16 13:31:59 · answer #9 · answered by Devilsadvocate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a LITTLE jealous is normal, but you've already said that you're privy to the messages she sends, that they are harmless and you have no reason to believe she's interested in the other man.
DO tell her, though, that this makes you uncomfortable. It might give her the excuse she needs to tell the other man that she can no longer communicate with him.
2007-03-16 13:26:14 · answer #10 · answered by Annie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
someone else wants what you have and that makes almost everyone defensive and protective.
you feel the way you feel because it's a natural reaction. It's not a question of right or wrong. Look at it this way, this guy only has words on a screen, you have the real thing.
2007-03-16 13:29:16 · answer #11 · answered by Thrill K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋