My mother is dying of cancer. Should I tell her all my secrets before she goes?

Question

What I mean by that--should I tell her I forgive her for her faults, should I admit mine at last. Should I tell her the crazy things I did as a teenager under her nose? I am now 39 years old and do not know if I should come clean? Should I tell her that I am afraid I will never hear her voice again? What should I do? Should I tell her things I am still angry about? Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Trust me, there are some things a mother doesn't want or should hear... ever.

You don't want to disappoint her now, right?

Let her know what she means and will mean to you, always... And thank her for every good advice and everything she thought you. Thank her for her huge effort and time and sacrifice and all that... and for helping you become WHO YOU ARE.

Answer 2

Coming clean now is just silly, you will only be making yourself feel better. If you want to share something with her then consider her mood and go from there. Odds are she will laugh at the things that you did as a teen. If you feel she had faults in the past and want her to know, I have to question why you think she should hear about her faults from you now. I am not being insensitive to you but She is the one who is in pain and probably scared. If she doesn't want to visit the bad parts then don't. As a mother I know my faults with my children and I am ashamed of them. I don't always discuss them with the kids because I did the best I could and still am a work in progress. No one is perfect, not you and not your mother. Make the best of this time you have with her. If you are afraid and need reassurance from her then you can tell her that. Any mother understands that coming from her children, no matter what age. My thoughts are with you in this scary time.

Answer 3

I would say to ease BOTH your souls,tell her ONLY the things that are relevant.
IF you truely forgive her,tell her so,what you can do is say,I know you did your best as a mother,and I accept what is.
if you tell her things you are angry about and she is in no shape for long discussions,it may make her time harder,she may feel guilty or hurt?just say something like you both made mistakes and life went on...telling her things you did as a teenager doesnt seem something that will make your time together better or more meaningful.
why not tell her some things she did for you or with you that helped you,or made you ,you?
what she did that made you a better person?focus on the positive things and spend whats left of the time trying to enjoy her and letting her know YOU care for her!
I had someone pass,and I didnt get the chance to say anything...and IF i would have,I wouldnt have focused on the negatives or what she did to "wrong: or upset me....
we are all human,and Id want her to know the most important thing,that I LOVED her and will miss her.
good luck and Im sorry for your situation!

Answer 4

I feel you can make light of the crazy things you have done. Just tell her you were young and crazy at the time. That will ease her mind to know you have grown out of that and at the same time give you some relief and you will not have to live with these secrets forever. It may even make her laugh. Please do not reveal your anger to her though, right now she needs love, hugs and peace in her life. We've all done crazy stuff and grow out of it eventually. I do not think she will be totally surprised as she has probably done some things you don't know about too. Just keep the anger from her. I feel for you, losing my mom, other than losing a child was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I think she may like to hear about some of your secrets not the anger.

Answer 5

First of all, I am sorry about your mother. This is a hard time for both of you and you feel the need to tell everything that has happened to or with you. I think that forgiving her for her faults is okay. I don't think I would necessarily tell her all the crazy things you did as a teenager, that was the past and you can't change it. Forgive her and forgive yourself, tell anything that you want to tell her.

Answer 6

Hi John.
It's an interesting question to ask. Should you share all your secrets with your dying mother.
My feeling is this....
If my mom were dying (God forbid) I would want to tell her that I love her. And although we've had our differences, and we have, the strength and purity of that love has never diminished.
I would try to keep it as positive as possible. It's got to be hard to know that you're about to die. Tell her the funny stories that you never told her for fear she may have repromanded you. Tell her that you are sorry for whatever you have done that hurt her. Tell her that you can't imagine a life without her around if you must - this can be done without using those words of course..
Tell her that you will be there with her as much as you can to get her through this; the way she has been there for you when bad times were tough.
Death can be many things to many people.
It's so hard to say all the things you want to say when you know your time is limited.
Share with her as many laughs as you can but also cry with her if she cries.
She would be scared.... even terrified.... if she is a faithful person, help her explore her faith.
If I could give you a BIG hug to help you through this I would.
You take care and good luck.
Remember, your mom only needs to know that you love her, appreciate her, and accept her for who and what she is. Acknowledge and affirm that person - be true to her and to yourself.
God Bless.

Answer 7

If she is the kind of person to look back at things and laugh, then tell her the things you did as a teenager...forgive her for anything you think you shoud mention. You never want to look back on any of this and regret not telling her something you wanted to, cause then it will be too late. Don't make her sad by telling her you are scared of her not being there anymore, tell her because of her you can be strong.

Answer 8

all i have to say dont do anything you'll regret later and cant take back. tell her how much you love her and yes you can tell her all those things as a teenager. tell her exactly how you feel about everything because you wont have the chance to do it later. if your going through anything that i went through and am still going through when my relative died of cancer I'm sorry. it was hell for me to have to do all of that stuff. as far as never hearing her voice, she wont be sitting there talking to you but you will still hear her voice in your head, it's not the same though.

if you ever need to talk just email me. click on my avatar picture and there will be my email

Answer 9

NO.....Tell your mother daily that you love her.....but let the past be in the past, she knows in her heart that you forgive her. Now unless what you did under her nose was funny, and you think it would bring joy to her...then I would not come clean, she knows that you were not an angel.....parents know alot more on their kids than their kids suspect. Parents just choose to pretend not to see it....unless it needs to bee seen.
Just love your mom, and remember all the wonderful times you have had, cherish those memories, those are the things that you mom want to hear....the positive, no negative now.....she has to live with a negative and face it everyday......let your visits with her be nothing but positive.

Answer 10

First off I am sorry to hear of your moms illness. Second. you do what you need to do, so in the end you have no regrets at all. Being a mom now myself, she will probably say I all ready knew a lot of it and you both will have a laugh or a cry, but it will all be good because it will be a precious memory you only will have with her. God bless. and one more thing. Make sure you tell you mom you love her every single day. You won't regret it.

Answer 11

Yes, you should let it all out to her it would be better than wondering what would she have said if you told her ur */*secrets*/*!!! Even if she getz a little upset it is good to let it all out, exspress your feelingz and tell her how u feel! She'll be happy in the end that you talked to her about this stuff! I really wish you the best of luck with your mom..and I am truly sorry that she is dying of cancer!!