How do you get an 8 yr old to mind without feeling like you are going to explode?

Question

I have an 8 yr old daughter, who every time I tell her something, she starts arguing and when I tell her she is going to go to time out or get a spanking, she starts saying that I hate her, etc. Sometimes it gets to the point that I feel she thinks she is the adult. I have tried everything.

Answer 1

I sometimes find myself drawn into arguments with my 8 year old son. He likes to be contrary, and always has to point out something OTHER than what I say when he's in one of those moods. He will try to bargain, argue, negotiate. My best defense is to immediately recognize what he's doing and say simply, "don't argue with me." to which he generally answers, "I'm not arguing" to which I say, "yes you are, you are arguing about arguing." and eventually we both crack up, unless he's in grump mode. What works best then is to just say "Ahh" really loudly when he starts in. The minute he opens his mouth to object or argue, I say "Ahh" almost like a buzzer. He gets annoyed the first two or three times and then he thinks it's a game and eventually we just end up being silly. BUT then we don't argue. Also, if there is just no reasoning or being silly, I usually just tell him to be quiet since he can't say anything without arguing. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Don't respond when he argues. She will argue more temporarily, but if you stick to your guns and don't give into her arguing, she will stop. This will take a while if it's been going on a while. She does it because it works- it either gets a response out of you, or she wins, or she gets something she values from the argument.

In the meantime it is very important that you look for everything you can that she does that you like. Everything. Your goal must be to find as many things you like about her as possible and let her know how much you like them.

Also, if the only way you can manage your kids is through spanking you will find yourself in a world of trouble when the kid gets stronger than you. That happens in their teenage years.

I raised my kids without spanking- and they are very well disciplined, polite, agreeable teenagers now. Of course that means learning some other techniques for raising kids. I had to go through the process of realizing what I was doing wasn't working, too.

I'd like to recommend some books that might be helpful.

Answer 3

I am a teacher and deal with this on a daily basis with my first graders. We have a good choices bag for when they decide to do the right thing in a sticky situation and time out usually helps when making a poor choice. For a third grader, 8 yrs old, I would suggest you explain to her that she can give herself a time out and write down her feelings in a journal while she's there to let you know what's got her upset instead of wasting her breath arguing.

Answer 4

I can't answer your question mainly because I never had a daughter, but I had three sons and I can make a recommendation -- run, don't walk to the nearest family counselor. Address the issues you have between you and your daughter. This will also give her a chance to address her issues. 8 years old is old enough to understand the discussion. Better do this now, because when she hits her teens it will be difficult if not impossible for you and her to resolve your differences. I'm assuming your a single mother. If not, get the old man energized to bring the family to a greater state of harmony.

Get busy, don't mess around with this one. If you do, you'll loose the battle.

Answer 5

Sounds like she may have some emotional issues with you if your the only person she does this with -- try talking to her teachers and friends parents and see if she shows similar behavior. Its important to find out she has anything wrong like bi-polar or even depression. ADHD is possible as well. cause it can turn into worse things in the future.

Or try to actually disciplining her using tough love tactics and see if that improves her behavior. This could be just a stage but I think 8 might be to young for it -- but with Kids these days you never know.

Answer 6

your daughter does not have ADHD!!! she is a normal child that needs limits and boundaries. Be consistant with her... At this age she needs attention from her mother. I know that you are tired when you come home from work, but she needs some one-on-one time, whether it's helping her with her homework, or playing a game outside. She knows that when she acts out she gets your attention. Give her attention when she is doing something good, or something you ask her to do.

Answer 7

She might have ADD, or some other medical disorder that makes it hard for her to focus. Or she just might not like to take instruction. Let her know well ahead of time what you expect from her so it isn't a surprise, and tell her what will happen if she doesn't. Don't play into her mind games, because then she has control over you. Good luck.

Answer 8

First of all, You have to NOT let her get the best of you or Intimidate you. You are the Parent and most hold your ground. If you don't stop this now, it will only get worse in her teens. Take away some of her favorite things to do until she straightens up. I always sent mine to their room, until they could Listen or behave.

Answer 9

That is the age my daughters started acting like that. Everthing was a damn argument. They are now 22 and 16. First off, remember you are her mother, not her friend. Send her to her room, and when she says "you hate me" you say. "no, I love you but I am not going to tolerate you bad behavior". She is saying that to make you feel guily and it sounds like it's working. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. She is trying to run the show. You cannot let her. It will only get worse, trust me.

Answer 10

1. Tell her she can hate you now but she'll be glad you did in the long run.
2. Tell her a story or two about little girls that think they know everything....be creative.
3. Tell her that what you do is out of love, not hate. If she disagrees....paint her a little picture of what a hateful mother wouldn't do.