Hi all! We are a mixed family with 2 kids coming from my husband, and one from myself, and one together. Our 13 year old boy (his son) lashed out at my 8 year old daughter and hit her hard! Our 7th grade son is about 5'6 180 and our 2nd grade daughter is about 4' and 50 lbs. This really upset her and hurt her. We have no idea what a proper punishment is...but this is just NOT acceptable. Of course we grounded him at the moment...but how do we teach him this is not ok? Our 8 year old did say something she probably shouldn't have to him...but it was all in joking and everyone else knew that. For him to turn around and clock her one is just not ok. What would you do in this situation??? I have a tendency to have a temper...but have to walk a fine line with the stepson.
2007-03-16 12:23:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I too have a mixed family. 3 step kids as well as 2 of my own. However none have reached adolescence yet. I often view any sort of physical outburst(such as hitting)as a sign of a more deeper seeded issue. I think you and your husband should sit down with him and maybe ask him what prompted him to do it? Is he jealous of her or any other siblings? is he feeling left out of things? Maybe the changes which have occured in the household are very stressful for him and things like this arent always easy for kids. Sometimes kids cant find the words to express their feelings and thoughts so they act out. As far as an appropriate punishment i think grounding or revoking certain priveleges or favorite items such as a computer, cell phone, ipod or whatever it is they claim they cant live without should suffice. It worked for me as a teen. It MIGHT work for him.
I also think it is crucial to sit down with the daughter and explain to her that there is a time and a place for everything and sometimes its best to keep our words to ourselves. What we may see as a joke others may not and she needs to know that. Was she trying to provoke him or "push his buttons?" she needs to know that there are also consequences for the things she says.
Sometimes when it all boils down to it its just classic case of sibling rivalry. Me and my brother fought all the time. My mom and dad were consistent with their punishment but kids being kids still continued to do so. We are both adults now and we get along great. We are like best friends.
Oh did you guys ever give thought to maybe the kids are doing this for attention? maybe they have been wanting your attention and you have not been catching on to the signs so they feel they have to do something huge like this to get noticed?
2007-03-16 14:23:30 · answer #1 · answered by mamacita25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this something that happens a lot with them both or is it a first time? Maybe you and your husband need to sit down and talk to him about what's going on to see if there is something below the surface going on. Is he feeling left out of things? Is he feeling threatened by her or something? I mean, kids will get mad and lash out but you need to talk with him and explain that being that much larger and older he can really hurt her if he's not careful. Also, you need to get across to your daughter that she is responsible for what she says. She can't just spout off when she wants to and think a simple "I'm sorry" is going to cover it when she hurts other people.
Maybe see if the two of them can sit down together and talk through it?
Grounding sounds like a way to start but more importantly is finding out why it happened, above and beyond the "she really ticked me off when she said......"
Good luck.
2007-03-16 12:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by hr4me 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This 13 year old seems to be psychologically and emotionally rebelling to have hit his stepsister. In order to inculcate the right morals of "not hitting", the best approach would probably to isolate him from worldly tensions that may cause him to rebel. Of course if that doesn't help, simply have a talk with him. tell him that his actions had caused physical and emotional pain to his little sister (do not address her as "stepsister" but just "sister" as to accept her). At this age, he should probably understand, once given proper talk, that he must realize that his sister feels pain as he would too when hit.
2007-03-16 12:33:29 · answer #3 · answered by techboy787 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd tell his father he best get it through his kid's head that no one hits my daughter and if he don't, I will. I'm no one's punching bag and it'll be a cold day in hell before I allow anyone to hit my daughter.
2007-03-16 13:37:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whip the step-son. Why would you let him do something like that? At least put him on punishment.
2007-03-16 12:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by Chrishonda Alston 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he really needs to be put in his place...maybe you might talk to his dad an have him do it with both of you in the room....
Ok his strength could have knocked her out or something???He has no right to lay his hands on her no matter what she said...You must put a stop to it now OR he will continue his behavior or maybe even get worse...
Good Luck~
2007-03-16 12:41:07 · answer #6 · answered by **Mishelly** 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every time he hits her, capture him on my own and do it to him. do not leave marks. arise to his threats. Get a small tape participant and list what he says. Play it on your dad and mom. they're responsible for retaining you and the little lady.
2016-12-02 02:53:01 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I DON;T CARE IF SHE TELLS HIM TO BIT HIMSELF, HE HAS NO RIGHT TO HIT HER . MY SISTER WENT THROUGH THIS WITH HER CHILDREN. WHAT SHE DID WAS CALL THE POLICE FOR HER 13 YEAR OLD AND THEY CAME AND TALKED TO HIM, THEY TOLD HIM HE WAS TOO BIG TO HIT HIS SISTER LIKE THAT AND IF THEIR MOM CALLED THEM AGAIN FOR HIM HITTING HIS SISTER THEY WOULD ARREST HIM AND HE STOP. OFCOURSE SHE DID NOT WANT THEM TO ARREST HIM, HOWEVER SHE WANT THAT FEAR IN HIM, THE POSSIBILITY OF IT HAPPENING. THIS ACTUALLY MADE HIM STOP HITTING HER. I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS IS A BIT DRASTIC BUT IT WORK. IF YOU DON'T STOP HIM, HE IS GOING TO HURT HER OR EVEN WORST PUT FEAR IN HER TO THE POINT, WHEN HE DOSE SOME THINGS TO HER THAT HE SHOULD NOT, SHE IS NOT GOING TO TELL OUT OF FEAR. IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO PUT THE FEAR IN HIM, DON'T LET HIM PUT IT IN HER.
2007-03-16 12:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by BLUE 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
are you crazy pop that smart *** in the head-he needs some fear instilled in him, because obviously your way so far has failed. again and again I see boys who were never spanked- being physically abusive to SMALLER KIDS, never bigger kids, you are raising a bully. Wait until he hits someone else's kid, you'll be sued.
2007-03-16 12:35:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋