Plans to move in with him this summer. Still has a semester to finish in college this fall. We feel this new love interest interferred in her failing class in college major and not graduating this May. How do we talk to her without her feeling resentful?
2007-03-16 11:43:34 · 11 answers · asked by merian32 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm sure you must remember being her age and, know how it would make you feel if someone told you that you shouldnt do something. yes it is a big age difference and the guy should have someone asking him just what it is that he has in common with a girl this young, as she is litterally young enough to be his daughter. and in a match up like his and hers, there usually are such wide gaps in life experiences that they have almost nothing to talk about after the lust wares off. she seems to be looking for a replacement father and I'm sure he's not looking for a daughter. I dont envy your position wanting to keep her from making a mistake but worrying about driving her into the arms of this older man by bringing it up. alot of people say that age is just a number, and not important in a loving relationship but when one is that much younger it's very few relationships that last, many people will think odd of this big a gap unless your daughter is very mature or the man is just a grown child type personality they will stick out as an odd couple. you can try humor, like telling her that you think it's great that she wants to care for the elderly, but she shouldnt risk her education to do it. or tell her to concentrate her education on geriatric medicine and by the time she becomes a doctor she will have a patient already at home. how ever you do it you should approach her with open arms and an open mind.
2007-03-16 12:06:24 · answer #1 · answered by Timothy C 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
From experience in being 21 and dating someone who was 36...leave it alone. She is probably blinded by the fact that she wants to be a grown up or at least appear grown up (I am 30 now and I was not grown at 21) She is probably in the whole nesting thing with graduating and thinking about her future and right now he makes her feel secure becuase he is probably wiser and more established. The more you talk about it the more she will hold on to the relationship. There is nothing a 42 yo needs from a 23 yo. but she needs to realize that on her own. Love hurts and it is hard to let kids learn from their mistakes but this is not one you can fix.....Try to accept him. The more accepting you are the more she will see him for who he really is instead of a security blanket.
2007-03-16 11:53:52 · answer #2 · answered by jenfirinvabeach 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is VERY difficult for young people to understand when their parents have a different point of view. Ask her to take herself 5 or 10 years forward. How does she see her future with this person. Does he have children? Has she done any research into being a step-mom? The most important word she should focus on is "Future". You will always love her, now and in the future. Of course she will be resentful listening to you. Speak calmly and ask her to look forward.
2007-03-16 11:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by managermom 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness! Another life ruined by Casanova. Though I am in disagreement of their age difference, I can only imagine what it is that attracts your daughter to this divorced man. If they were younger he would be labeled a pedophile. In essence, that is still what he is. A pedophile!
Your daughter is making a mistake that she will, by all means, regret for the rest of her life. If she continues to want to see this elderly-divorced man, then so be it. I would ask her to just not move in with him so readily.
With respect to globalization, I can not stress enough, the importance of your daughter finishing her college education. If you have not already done so, then may I suggest that you attempt to enlist the aide of your clergy. If she has not already isolated herself from her friends, then maybe they can convince her, to at least finish school and not just throw all of her hard work down the drain. Make her aware of the statistics regarding women who do not finish college. They are not even considered for some lesser positions, not to mention higher paying ones.
You and your husband have got your work cut out for you. But, it is worth it to continue and try to dissuade her from making such a foolish mistake. Lord knows, she know not what she do.
2007-03-16 12:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by DARMADAKO 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Did she just get out of a relationship with an immature guy?
Maybe that's it and she's trying to over-correct it.
Or perhaps you raised her strictly with lots of boundaries and she's deliberately trying to piss you off.
Or maybe she truly cares for the guy?
He may be the reason she failed.
But he may not.
I'd talk to her about how you feel. Don't be judgemental or disrespectful or she'll distance herself from you.
Just be honest, but in a polite way.
In person, if possible.
2007-03-16 11:51:07 · answer #5 · answered by Dev B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's 23, maybe it's time for HER to live her life!!! College isn't for everyone. & Sorry to tell you, but maybe her relationship doesn't need your understanding. I have a daughter too, but I know one day, she'll move on & out. To Live Her Life!!!! All we can do as parents, is instill morals in our children, the rest is up to them.
2007-03-16 11:50:44 · answer #6 · answered by chevy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dated men in their 40s when I was her age. It wasn't because I was looking for a daddy either. They are financially stable, somewhat more emotionally stable and happy to be with a lithe, young thing rather than the guys 20ish and 30ish who are always ogling other women whether they want them or not. I found older men kinder, more understanding and not as demanding physically or emotionally.
2007-03-16 11:51:11 · answer #7 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My opinion. Hold your tongue. I have a daughter about the same age and I learned at age 17 to listen and butt out. Yes, he is the reason of her not graduating but she needs to make her own mistakes--my experiences has told me. I am sorry--just my opinion.
2007-03-16 12:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by old_woman_84 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well i see that your a parent so i suggest that you tell the cosequences of moving in with the 42 yr. old man nad the results of not finishing college
2007-03-16 11:48:02 · answer #9 · answered by rockpuppy95 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very carefully, She is going to do what she wants and that's a fact, but you can invite her interest over and see if he values your daughters love and if he is willing to assist in her future in other words if he in love in lust or just dead weight.
2007-03-16 11:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by Tennessee Mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋