Should surprise the Bride-to-be with a shower even if she has requested no to have one?

Question

My Sister's getting married this October & I'm the Matron-of-honor.

She has requested no showers of any kind & they (my Sister & Brother-in-law to be) will be treating us (their family & friends) to a relaxing day at the spa the Friday before the wedding. They do not want a Bachelorette/Bachelor Party, a rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, reception...anything. They have also requested no gifts.

I would really like to throw her a lingerie party, but am not sure of it would be inappropriate for me to do so.

I have talked to my soon to be Brother-in-law & he has no objections to whatever type of party I would like to host for her, but I don't want it to look like I am doing something that I would want, rather than what she wants.

I don't think the issue is that they don't want a party...I think it's because most of their friends and siblings have kids & they don't want us spending money on them, when they can afford to buy their own things.

Any ideas, suggestions, comments?

Answer 1

WOW, that is a tough question! I think that it all depends on the person your sister is. What I mean for example is say your best friends b-day is coming up and she keeps bringing up the fact she doesn't want you to throw her a party because she doesn't want you to "go all out". But then when her day gets here and you didn't throw her one she gets all mad about it, saying that you should not have listened to her, my best friend would do that! Anyways- I would throw her some type of shower if I were you, let the guests know that gifts are optional but their attendance is requested just to let the Bride and groom know that they are loved and cherished. Maybe throw a them a BBQ (if that's something you guys like to do) and invite everyone that is invited to the wedding. Just tell them to bring their favorite dish, and explain to them the bride and groom's wishes (about the no gift thing). Then if they still choose to bring gifts then it will be on them. I do not think that your sister will be mad at you not following her wishes, but she will be glad that you didn't go all out and do something huge and unwanted behind her back.

Answer 2

Given the info. I would seriously suggest that you do not throw her a surprise party. I think you throwing her a bridal shower is a lovely idea, but you should tell her that you would love to throw her a bridal shower and ask her if the date that you had in mind is ok. You will know after you ask her about the date if she is opposed to having any kind of party thrown in her honor. Ya know, many bridal showers now a days are including the groom as well. I'd give it a thought. A lingerie party is a little risky, there are going to be people that are going to feel uncomfortable, or whom you would feel uncomfortable inviting. I'd keep it a bridal shower, and whether you include the groom or not it is a really nice gesture on your part, she is lucky to have a kind thoughtful sister like you. Have a great time at the party!

Answer 3

If she has requested no parties then you should respect her wishes though it is too bad. Half the fun of the wedding is all the stuff before. Maybe you could throw a party and have everyone bring the food and no gifts. The only other thing I can suggest is to have a talk with your sister and find out exactly why she feels this way.

Answer 4

the only situation I see that i think of ought to be an argument is allowing the bride to layout the invites. explanation why a bride on no account hosts her own bathe is using fact it fairly is a latest-giving experience, and that's considered as grasping for her to ask human beings to return and supply her presents. If human beings see that she designed the invites, then it may look as though she's issuing out invites to get extra presents. i comprehend that may no longer the unquestionably case right here, whether it fairly is beneficial to be careful concerning to the effect it could make. As for no count number if a bridal practice must be a ask your self, some are and a few are not. i think of if the bride would not choose or no longer that's a ask your self then it is going to no longer be. My important different's mom threw me a ask your self wedding ceremony bathe and then invited a lot of human beings who weren't even going to be at my wedding ceremony. It made me fairly uncomfortable, and that i'm nevertheless secretly variety of mad approximately it. If a bride tells you she would not choose a ask your self bathe, then have self assurance her. you're no longer doing her any favors by employing going against her desires.

Answer 5

Whatever the reason might be that they have requested not to have a party - respect their wishes. Their motives might be totally different from what you're trying to attribute to them. I really think you should keep things simple, per bride's request.

P.S. And believe it or not, some people REALLY don't like "surprise" parties. If you feel an itch to throw a party of some kind, talk it over with the bride first. I, for one, would be absolutely shocked it anyone tried to throw me a "surprise" party against my wishes. It would be miserable, not fun. Approach her and make some suggestions; if still says "no" - drop the subject.

Answer 6

I would definately not throw her a surprise shower. I went to one once that was actually a tupperwere party. All the free items when to the bride to be. You could do that with pampered chef, a lingerie party or like someone else said..a nice lunch with her bridal party, mom and mil. Ask her first of course!!!

Answer 7

A shower is really intended to "shower " the new couple with gifts, but more recently people have been marrying older, and setting up households as single people, and they need considerably fewer housewares to start thier married life. I think something like a lingerie party-fun and relaxed- would be way better than a shower, but then I don't know your sister. Try to make it about her, and above all honor her wishes.

Answer 8

I think you should just surprise her she should have some kind of party to emphasize that she is getting married and well your her sister. Lots of people can afford to buy there own stuff thats not the point of showers or parties it is a way for friends and family to show how happy they are for the bride to be. Just gather friends and family of the female variety and have yourself some champagne and laughs and tell your sister stop being so snobby and to enjoy a party thrown for her and her special up-coming day.

Tell your sister Congrats and God Bless from Me.

Answer 9

Have a small gathering of just the really close people in her life to celebrate her upcoming nuptials. Make it for both the guys and the girls at the same time. Put a limit on how much each person can spend on a gift, like $25 and/or make them gag gifts just for fun. Lingerie, toys (if they are open minded and can have a laugh). That way you get to give back to them something for showing you a good time at the spa and they don't feel uncomfortable with too many people spending too much money.

Make it a casual/comfortable thing.

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Ok, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Lori's idea!!!! It's the best one!!!!

Good going girl!

Answer 10

If she really does not want a shower, do NOT throw one for her. (It is not appropriate for family members to be hosting showers, anyhow.)

You could maybe surprise her with a Bridal Luncheon or Ladies Night In, or other non-gifts sort of event.

Lingerie Parties/Showers would be incredibly uncomfortable for people who are not up for that type of thing. I would not go that route.