I need some advice from someone who has walked a mile in my shoes.?

Question

I am a single mother of three girls. Their father and I have been seperated for three years, come this May. We are still in the process of gaining a divorce. My question is this: My ex is living with a young lady, and on the weekends my children go and stay with her and their father. For the past several times of beening over there, my children are coming home complaining about the way they were treated. I have tried to speak to their father and the young lady about the issue's, but all I get back is nasty replies. My children do not wish to return back over there until they are heard and the mattter is resolved. How can I make their father understand this. I have tried all I know, all advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Your kids are trying to get attention from you, because they arent getting any from their dad who now has a new plaything. And since you are still waiting for the divorce, just dont let your kids go to their dads house, its not against the law. Atleast not where Im from. But until you have a visitation schedule to follow, which happens through the custody part of the divorce process, just tell the judge that you want full custody because their dad isnt reliable and he is neglectful toward your children.

If you have to, get a restraining order so that he has no right to even come near you, which means he cant get near the kids. Otherwise he can do this to you if you tell him the kids arent going to see him anymore. You can get a restraining order against your spouse, and yeah he is still your spouse. And whoever has the kids at the time of the order, gets to keep the kids. Think of it as a pre divorce that involves you having full custody.

By the way, I take back what I said about the kids just wanting attention, your ex probably is a real piece of immature **** and you need to do what you can to prove that in court so that you are able to better get full custody. An example is to record your conversations with him so you have proof. If you have to, videotape it as well. But he has to know about it otherwise you cant use it.

Answer 2

My mother was in the same position as you.

You need to bring this issue to court and when you do, you're going to need the girls to testify to a judge about how they are being treated.

This piece of evidence will be necessary concerning visitation rights (sounds like the father shouldnt be getting any if this continues) or next, you'll be discussing restraining orders possibly.

In my case, my mother basically moved to another state and would only allow my father to visit us at our grandmother's house. You probably have already established your life in your hometown and moving may not be the best option for you.

But in whatever decision you make concerning the divorce and the rest of your life, consider what is best for you and your children.

DAVID K--- HAS GIVEN SOME REALLY GOOD ADVICE

Answer 3

Well, as a divorced mother of two boys. I constantly hear from my children that they don't like the way their dad treats them. I have talked on several occasions with him about this fact. He is the most stubborn and argumentative person I ever meet. I always keep in mind that as children of divorced parents the children will always try to play one parent against the other. My solution to your problem would be to separate your ex-husband from his girlfriend as suggest a family conference on neutral turf and have the children be a part of the conversation so you have hear both sides of the story at the same time. Another thing I would suggest about the nasty remarks I tell your soon to be ex is that parenting is a two way street for the rest of your children's lives whether or not the parents remain married and like it or not you two still have to be civil to each other for your children's sakes.

Answer 4

he will never listen
have walk in your shoes
in fact you will be blame for the children not wanting to be at his home
If the children are old enough, but actual persons that can make nim listen is the Girls
sit them down and tell them if they are unhappy about what is happening at their father's it is up to them to say something
You can try having family meeting with the 6 of you
*but also you must realized that he probably beeing very lonely afterthe separation and this is the first relatioship he got taht lasted over a week so he is reluctant to let it go
My other advise is if you choose to have that meeting
let the girls talk first
and after ask them (the girlfriend & father ) if their is something you can do to get the girls adjusted to the situation
in my case my x refuses to comunicate & the children are with me and my hus and their father have not pay a dime for child support
I am so tired of trying to be the good guy that I told the kids from now on they can do as they please where he is consern
my 9 year old want to change his last name
What I am trying to say it that as hard as it will be you might have to step a side an let the girls deal with thier father
because no matter what you say you will be the bad guy
Good luck

Answer 5

Contact your court mediator regarding your visitation issues. If you don't have one you need to contact your attorney so these concerns can be at least documented because your next step should be to stop the visits until there is a resolution. But don't do anything to jeopardize your custody. I am sure the courts (judge) will not want to send your children to place where they allege mistreatment. Once you take the correct legal steps regarding the complaint your soon to be ex and his female friend will take you more seriously then.

Answer 6

The answer is simple. Respect your children's wishes and do not send the children back over there until the matter is resolved. Stand by your guns. If he wants to see the girls, he will stop his nasty replies and cooperate. If he doesn't then everyone is happier.

Answer 7

He will surely blame you for trying to keep the kids from him.
The best thing you can do is get a neutral third party to speak to the children, and then to council with the both of you for an equitable solution to the situation.

No way should your kids be treated badly by a "girlfriend".

Answer 8

tell the father to believe you and the children and if he dosn't resolve this problem that you will take the kids it's the best thin for them you don't want them to hear negative connotation all the time it will only bring down thier self esteem which could result in a bad life or worse suicide

Answer 9

This summer my kids complained to me about the men that come to the house for "sleepovers in mommys room." There isn't really much you can do. He still has parental rights and he is choosing to be a bad father and a bad example.

Answer 10

Now that you have taken it adult to adult and that was the smart thing to do, take the girls directly to the adults, [or ask them to your home] all sit down, offer coffee or whatever- be sociable, [to relax everyone] then have the girls express themselves.
The children would have a great experience in diplomacy and relating to others. as long as the girls are not abused or neglected, also no profanity aimed at them. Tell them [in privacy] that we have to learn to deal with all sorts of situations in our lives, that they will grow and things will change because life changes.
As adults we know we can't change others, but you can teach the girls to be flexible,and even though you may be 'burning' inside-ask the girls to just do their homework, color, watch t.v. or see if they can help the adults cook, etc. but for instance if the adults are talking to one another, to stay out of the room. No interrupting or running through the house, [i don't know their ages].
Tell them many girls have no dad at all, mabey they could look at the brighter side of things, children often look to their mother's response in situations. best of luck.